Yesterday morning, I participated in the annual ritual that is second in importance only to the appearance of Puxatawny Phil on Groundhog Day. It’s Memorial Day weekend, and that means Memorial Day sales!!!

So like a good little gay boy, I wandered over to the outlet mall (which is two miles away) to see what they had on sale. More specifically, I wanted to go to Brooks Brothers, because even their factory store is more expensive than my wallet will allow for most of the year. I love the factory store because they have all of these logic defying deals: one pair of shorts for $49, two for $59. Gee, let me think this over. My favorite was the after-Christmas sale, where they were selling shirts at one for $59 or two for $60.

I found a couple of lovely shirts on the clearance rack … along with a plethora of items that, if I were the owner of the store, I would try to move out as quickly as possible, too. I wandered in circles past the polos … I have so many, and I really need to not acquire any more of them until I’ve gotten rid of some of the ones I have. And then I came across the Memorial Day special:

Seersucker.

For someone who is as allergic to the process of ironing as I am, seersucker sounds like a fantastic idea in theory: it’s a fabric that, not only does it not have to be ironed, it actually looks better when it’s wrinkled! Genius!

I’ve dabbled with seersucker before, but never purchased, but the trousers weren’t that much so I trotted off to the fitting room with a pair of trousers and a pair of shorts to see if maybe this time I could make it work. And so I dutifully tried them on, turned to face myself in the mirror, and I had the same thought I have every time I try on seersucker:

I look like an escaped extra from the set of The Music Man.

Seriously. I tried, I did. They’re lovely in weight, they’re kind of fun, but I can’t get over the fact that I look like I need a straw hat and an organ grinder. So, back on the rack they went.

And I bought a couple of pairs of shorts instead. I know they’re expensive, but they make my ass look fabulous!

Tags: brooks-brothers, fashion, seersucker, shopping, summer