Ever since Ray got condemned to Hell for stealing a parking spot (in the interpretation of the one from whom the spot was allegedly stolen) on Saturday, I’ve been wondering exactly where in the Bible it says you’re going to Hell for such an infraction. I mean, they didn’t have cars in Jesus’ time.

So, when I pulled into my office this morning, I looked at some of our nifty reference books and found out that, yup, indeed, my hubby is Hell-bound, indeed.

Just check these out: (Note, if you do not have a sense of humor, stop reading now, please. You have been warned.)

Torah
Synagogues 47:69
“… and say unto the Gentiles: anyone who shall usurp the resting spot of a camel from one among the tribes of Israel shall face eternal damnation, for it is an abomination and unpleasing unto the LORD.”

New Testament
2 Amphibians 12:3
(from Paul’s fifth letter to the high priest/judge of Cilicia)
“In regards to that matter upon which we have already corresponded, I repeat unto you that those who follow in the footsteps of the Lamb of God may leave their chariots upon the street adjacent to an aqueduct because the Lord God will provide for them, rendering it unnecessary for the fire brigade to access said aqueduct in the case of an emergency. Did not Jesus Christ say that those who truly believe may take leave of their conveyance anywhere that they wish without molestation or malice?”

Qur’an
Surat al-Kawakib 52
“Recite: Tolerate not those transgressors whose donkeys are faster and require more fuel than yours, and leave them in the shade of a tree whose provisions you had desired for your own donkeys: Hellfire is the punishment for these nonbelievers, you may be sure of that.”

Yup. Looks like hubby’s screwed. Beware, oh ye of little faith … it is written …

Tags: all-hail-khowaga!, humor, religion, taking-the-piss-out-of-people-who-desperately-deserve-i