Although I am not always the most eloquent person, I enjoy the English language because there are so many (in some cases, perhaps too many) words that one can use to describe various things to get the nuance just right.  Think of the wide spectrum of words, for example, that you can use to describe a laugh: chuckle, chortle, guffaw, titter, twitter, snort, snicker, and on and on.  Each one gives the precise impression of what you’re trying to relate: a guffaw is loud and uncontrolled, while a chuckle is reserved, a snort is quiet and a little snide, etc.

On the other hand, there are words that I find so lacking in nuance as to be completely useless.  I ran across the following sentence on the front page of Wikipedia: Malaysian opposition leader Anwar Ibrahim … is arrested over allegations he sodomised a male aide.

I am not a fan of the word “sodomize” in the first place–I find it alternately too explicit and not specific enough.  In addition to being a word with a religious connotation (it comes from Latin and originated with early Christian doctrine pertaining to thou-shalt-nots), it’s also too technical.

Are we, in this instance, to understand that the aide was raped?  Or are we to infer that they rented Bel Ami’s Greatest Hits and snorted poppers before gettin’ busy on the 1,000-count silk sheets?

The other thing about this word is that–contrary to popular assumption–it doesn’t actually mean what most people think it does.

Technically, “sodomy” can refer to anything other than vaginal intercourse — the same Texas law code that containing the anti-sodomy statute that was struck down a few years ago (to the horror of Gary Bauer and James Dobson) contained a second anti-sodomy provision in which ‘sodomy’ referred to oral sex (both homo- and hetero-).

I found this interesting because, when the code had to be re-written after the Supreme Court issued its ruling, several conservative legislators championed the law remaining on the books, citing fears that Texas would descend down the path of moral sin. Of course, said conservative legislators probably only get oral sex from their mistresses anyway (adultry being perfectly legal in the state of Texas).

For the record, the closest we’ve had to a feverish outbreak of moral sin in Texas since the law was stuck down was the Fundamentalist Mormon group out in West Texas practicing all that polygamy.

Anyway.  So, I’m not down with the word “sodomy.”  I think we need a new word that’s a little more descriptive and nuanced.  One that conveys the full range of, say, repressed conservative heterosexual jealousy because the gays are doing what all those legislators wives won’t do.  Not even on their anniversary.

Where’s Daniel Webster when you need him?

Tags: headlines, laws, news, texas, weird, words