An alien invasion of These United States is underway.  Not illegal aliens–space aliens.  Little green men from Reticulon Beta (actually, according to Fox Mulder, the Reticulons are gray, but that’s a quibbling detail).  There may be a tool of the vanguard movement in your house right now.  It may be on your bed.  It may be on your sofa.  It may be … too late.

What is this dastardly weapon that’s taking over America?  I’ll tell you.  Come a little closer.

It’s the Snuggie™.  Not the Slanket, the cheap-ass knockoff that’s suddenly appearing in the SkyMall Magazine®, but the actual honest to God Snuggie.™

“But Chris,” you say, “How can a harmless blanket be the vanguard of an alien invasion?”

Think about it.  Six months ago, we were all laughing at Snuggies, and pointing at the douchebags that bought them, and thinking things like this:

Now, suddenly–EVERYONE HAS ONE.  They come in designer colors!  They come in PET SIZES.  They have appeared in the checkout line at every department store–even at my local supermarket (et tu, HEB??)  They literally jump into your cart and ride home with you, so that we have now adopted what is essentially the fleece version of a hospital gown (complete with hole in the back) as our new national costume.

Why else would a fad take off so quickly?  It’s like the Macarena and late 90′s boy-band wars rolled in to one massive fad, teenaged girls not required.  Clearly, the only rational explanation is that at some designated hour, the blankets will come alive and kill us in our homes, thus paving the way for the invasion force to take over our bodies.

Seriously, the Taliban wishes they had this kind of access to private homes.  (Actually, they probably don’t — in amongst the many things that no one’s saying about the new push to save Afghanistan from the Afghans is that the Taliban have expressed absolutely no interest whatsoever in conquering America — much like the Viet Cong never did in the 60s).

Think about it.  It explains a lot.  Granted, this could just be satirical rambling on my part, but maybe … well, I’m going to keep a box of tin foil handy.  Just in case …

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