And so, there I was: checking out from Target.

Target, if you haven’t had the experience, has a large and beautiful array of products in travel size–including products that have figured out that carry on size is 3 oz, not 2.  In other words, the perfect size for a two week trip to Egypt. Need a travel size Dove beauty bar for men?  They got it.  Need travel size K-Y jelly?  They got that, too.  (Really.)

So, I had my stuff in travel size, I had my new sunglasses and my TSA approved lock and three packs of bandanas (because everyone always asks if they can have the one I use as a sweat rag) and I checked out.

And as I finished my transaction and was grabbing my bag to leave, the cashier announces, “Honey, you got coupons.”

“I do?” I asked.
“Uh huh.  You got one here for luggage and one for swimsuits.”

Now, here is where I should have just said, “Thanks,” taken the coupons and walked away, depositing them in the trash with my old sunglasses (the arm had fallen off as I put them on in the morning.  I’d already decided to buy new ones, but that just sort of hastened the process).  But I didn’t.

“I don’t need luggage,” I said, not adding, I have a full set of luggage.  The next luggage I buy will be top of the line, and it’s certainly not going to come from Target.

“Are you sure?  Honey, they got some pretty bags back there.  Have you seen them?”
“I have,” I said, realizing my mistake.
“What about bathing suits?” she asks, holding the coupon out for me to take.
“That’s for women’s bathing suits.”
“Ain’t you got a woman you want to buy a bathing suit for?”
“… I really don’t.”
“Wouldn’t you like to buy one for your mother?”

Interjection: In all the time that I have known my mother, she has never–ever–owned a bathing suit.  Ever.  It’s a visual that … {shudders}

“I think … I’m good.  Thanks!” I said, and danced away, far, far later than I should have done, as the cashier looked at me like I was crazy.

She’s probably right, too.