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About Ramblings of a Hopeless Khowaga

Welcome to my Web site. My name is Chris, and I’ll be your host. I\'m an opinionated, snarky, gay academic with a predilection for the history, the Arab world, languages, photography, food, and music. I live in Austin, Texas. You can read more about me, learn 100 random things about me, and if you’re wondering what the heck a khowaga is, click here. Feel free to browse, read, and leave comments!

Tag: ‘airlines’



Random RoundUp

Wednesday, August 6th, 2008

It’s been so long since I’ve done one of these.  Let’s get right into it, shall we?

A coup in the north African country of Mauritania has effectively managed to bring democracy in the Arab world to an end. President Sidi Ould Cheikh Abdallahi, who was elected in free and fair elections two years ago, was arguably the only democratically elected leader in the entire Arab world, of which Mauritania was only considered part so that it could be said that there was at least one Arab democracy.  Now that he’s been overthrown, it’s likely that honor will go back to  … well, no one.

So much for democracy being on the march in the Middle East.  It’s gone back to goose-stepping.

A three-year-old girl was found wandering the duty free shop at Tel Aviv’s Ben Gurion International Airport on Monday after her parents boarded their flight to Paris with her four siblings, but apparently forgot her. While one would think that the empty seat would have been a tip-off, apparently the parents were so distracted/clueless that they didn’t realize that they’d forgotten their daughter until the pilot informed them after take-off.

Similarly, El Al Israel Airlines is apparently trying to determine how it was that the family of six managed to board the plane while handing over seven boarding passes without the gate agent noticing that someone was missing, either.

The good news is that the daughter probably got all the Toblerone she could stomach and will now have the ultimate guilt trip to lay on her Orthodox Jewish parents: “You left me in an airport when I was three and flew to France without me.”  It’s got to be worth at least a car.

A California woman sold her house to finance the cloning of her late dog, which has successfully resulted in the birth of five puppies, all genetic clones of the original. This would be unremarkable if not for this little tidbit: the dog’s name was Booger.

Seriously.  If you were going to go through all that trouble, wouldn’t you make up a more dignified sounding name?  I mean, if I had the wherewithall to clone my dog when she passes, I’d consider it.  I’d also consider renaming her if her name was, say, Poopy.  I’m just saying.

“I miss my dog!  He’s named for dried snot!”

Archaeologists are doing DNA tests on two mummified fetuses found in King Tut’s tomb to determine if they were his offspring.  As far as I know, no paternity suit against Tut has been filed on behalf of his wife, Ankhesenamun, for three thousand years worth of child support, raising the question: and this is important because … ?  Also, don’t the inscriptions on their coffins tell us who they are?  I mean, the ancient Egyptians could read and write.  They’re kind of known for it, actually.

Calvin Klein weighs in: it is apparently now necessary for CK underwear models to actually be wearing CK underwear in their ad campaigns.  The below photo of model Garrett Neff was rejected as being too hot, too racy, and … well, he’s technically not actually wearing the underwear, he’s just holding it in place.

I think this is an issue that requires further study. :mrgreen:

Next time: we’ll raise the following question for debate: Is John McCain smarter than Paris Hilton?  Are either of them smarter than a fifth grader?

Farewell to the last place you can’t reach me

Wednesday, June 25th, 2008

American Airlines – the same company that brought you The Right to PAAy to Check your BAAgs™ – is introducing wireless internet service on two of their Boeing 767 aircraft on a trial basis (most likely because at the rate fuel is going up, they’re going to have to sell those same 767s to raise some OperAAting CAAsh®).

According to a news story I heard on NPR, the wifi service will cost up to $13, depending on the length of the flight (meaning that you could well spend up to $100 each way by the time you’ve checked two bags, paid for wireless, food, drink, and the tokens for the lavatory that I’m expecting to be rolled out as a “service enhancement” any minute now).

The question that I have is this: are we–the flying public–really ready to give up the last place on the planet … OK, technically, above it … where we legitimately can’t be reached?  On my flight from Madrid to Atlanta last month, I had what was, arguably, my first good experience with Delta.  I’ve had lots of OK experiences on Delta, but this was the first flight I would actually rank as worthy of telling anyone about.  What made the experience was the AVOD (video on demand – I’m not sure what the A stands for) system on the plane that Delta is very, very slowly rolling out on their transatlantic aircraft.

Gone, apparently are the days of four years ago when, on a Delta flight from JFK to Athens, I decided not to pay the $2 for headphones and amused myself by attempting to read the Greek subtitles on a movie that, I was able to confirm afterward with someone who could hear the audio, was as bad as I thought it might have been.  Instead, I got to choose between lots of different movies and television shows–and even several full length CDs–that I could start, stop, and pause at my whim.  As pathetic as it sounds, it was the shortest 9 hour flight I’ve ever been on that didn’t involve me taking a tranquilizer and sleeping most of the way.

Part of the reason, I fully admit, that I just kicked back and relaxed is that those long flights truly are the last refuge of the road-weary business traveler.  I now have a souped up cell phone that checks my e-mail (even when I don’t want it to) and reports back when I have new messages.  It has internet access, and all sorts of bells and whistles that will keep me in touch even when I don’t want to be.  The thing about flying vast distances is that you have to turn off the phone and be incommunicado for a while.  And I’ve quite grown to enjoy those moments.

A few years ago, Ray and I went on a cruise out of Galveston to the Yucatán.  Since I had never been to that part of the world before, I was looking forward to getting to Mérida, Cozumel, and Belize City to do some siteseeing and exploring.  The next year, we took a slightly shorter cruise that called at Cozumel and Playa del Carmen, and I found myself looking forward to it for an entirely different reason: I wanted to get on the boat, turn off my cell phone, claim a deck chair, and have the staff bring me brightly colored drinks for five days straight while I alternately worked on my sunburn and read trash books that had no redeeming social value whatsoever.  I succeeded to a large part, although those drinks are more expensive than you’d think they should be.

On my flight last month, I knew that I could be working on something productive: I could, for example, have been tallying up all of the receipts from the trip.  I could have been writing the cover memo that needed to go with my travel reimbursement request.  Instead, I chose to watch a bunch of movies that I won’t ever have to admit to having seen in public (what else are plane movies good for?) and felt absolutely no guilt about it.

“Sorry, I was on a plane” is one of the last remaining excuses for not being in touch right now.  I don’t particularly want to lose that excuse. Dammit, I want to sit there and watch crap TV and read books with no redeeming social value.  And maybe eyeball a cute flight attendant (although they’re getting to be fewer and far between.  Honestly.  What’s a gay to do?).

I guess maybe that’s a second reason not to fly American Airlines.  “Sorry, my plane didn’t have internet.”  Works for me! :cool:

Results of the packing experiment

Saturday, May 24th, 2008

And now, a few days later than I intended, are the results of the packing experiment that I outlined in my .

I just returned from a whirlwind business trip (got home last night) to southern Spain and Morocco during which I would need to dress somewhat formally for meetings, and a few days before I left, I heard an interview on NPR with the founder of OneBag.com, a sort of self-help guide to the overpacker.

As anyone who has been paying attention to the latest shenanigans of cash-strapped airlines knows, advice on how to pack for a length trip using only a carry-on roller back is about to become golden, given that American Airlines announced this week that they intend to start charging passengers to check baggage. That’s right, $15 for one bag, $25 for the second (for a total of $40 — each way — if you want to take two bags with you). In other words, one of the US legacy carriers has decided to take inspiration from RyanAir, Europe’s rock bottom low cost carrier, and charge you to take luggage on board the aircraft.

Soon, I imagine, they will install coin-operated turnstiles at the entrance to the jetway, and passengers without exact change will be unable to board the aircraft (or exit it). Also, you’ll need to bring your own cup on board for sodas. As a casual business traveler who makes a few trips each year, my response will likely be typical of most travelers: I shall avoid American Airlines when possible (I notice that Northwest is considering following suit, which is fine with me because I never fly them. I make a habit of avoiding airlines whose employees actively hate working for them).

Anyway.

OneBag.com encourages the idea of bundling your clothing (handy chart here), which I illustrated in my 12 of 12 post to a number of intrigued comments. The whole idea is that you bundle clothing together in a way that minimizes hard creases so that wrinkles don’t set in. The OneBag.com guy (whose name I don’t remember and am too lazy to look up) says that folding each item of clothing individually and packing it in stacks is about the least space-efficient thing you can do, and it pretty much guarantees that every item of clothing will arrive at its destination with sharp creases in it. I can definitely attest to that, so I was willing to give it a shot.

Several of my commenters raised the point that the disadvantage of bundling your clothing is that if you’re on a multi-stop itinerary, you have to un-bundle and then re-bundle at each stop, because the only way to reach stuff on the inside is to undo the entire bundle. This is true. For me, it wasn’t a concern on this trip because I had two meetings at my first destination, Sevilla, from which I would return to Madrid for the night, fly to Morocco, and then, at my destination in Morocco, there would be a laundromat, where I could wash all of my clothing. Hence, I really only needed to pack for Sevilla, and then have a set of travel-ready clothing for the last night in Madrid — once my clothes were washed in Morocco, I could then re-pack for the second half of the trip.

So, let’s off to Spain!

I had two bundles, packed into a large Samsonite suitcase that looks like every other large Samsonite suitcase out there, which I checked with Delta Air Lines because they don’t charge for bags yet. (They have, however, dropped their maximum weight to 50 lbs, even for international trips.)

The day I left, my luggage was loaded into the trunk of my car, hauled down to the Austin Airport.

From Austin, we flew to New York on a regional jet:

In New York, we had a three and a half hour layover before we flew to Madrid.

To our surprise — and clearly to the captain’s — shortly after we started taxiing out toward the runway, he came on and made the following announcement: “Well, folks, usually at JFK around this time in the evening, there’s quite a bit of traffic. We’re used to being 30th in line for takeoff. Tonight, however, we must have pushed back at just the right time, because we’re number 4 in line for takeoff. We’ll be airborne shortly — flight attendants, please be seated.”

Thus freed from waiting in line, we took off and flew across the ocean and landed in Madrid almost an hour early.

From Barajas Airport, we took a taxi to the Puerta Atocha train station, where I tried in vain — unsuccessfully — to get us on an earlier train to Sevilla. We were at the train station a little before 10 am, and I had booked us on the 1 pm train, since we weren’t originally supposed to land before 9:30. However, it’s apparently somewhat difficult to change return tickets on the AVE — Spain’s high speed train — so instead we sat with our luggage and drank repeated cups of coffee in the old section of the station, which has been converted into a large atrium.

At 12:30, we reported to the appropriate platform and hauled our luggage into the overflowing luggage rack for the two and a half hour trip to Sevilla’s Santa Justa Station.

In Sevilla we (I) collected the rental car, threw the luggage in the trunk, and, after several sweaty moments with cars honking behind me and a gate that wouldn’t open, managed to figure out how to put a Pugeot into reverse (pull up on the ring under the gear shift knob), ran back into the station, got another ticket for the gate, out into Sevilla traffic, and following the voice of our uptight British-accented GPS, arrived at the Ibis Hotel Sevilla, where, after yet another round of swearing at the car, I finally managed to get into the shower, wash off 24 hours of travel, and see the results of the bundling experiment.

Bundle number 1.

The only major casualty in bundle 1 was this shirt, which had nicely defined creases in the lower section. In all fairness, this probably means I didn’t pull them out when I bundled the shirt in the first place.

Bundle 2:

Bundle two was the less secure of the two, as it was on top and overlapping the other slightly.

For a linen shirt, this is nearly perfectly pressed after being in a suitcase for two days.

My Brooks Brothers Shirt has quite a bit of wrinkling – the nice thing about Brooks Brothers stuff is that the wrinkles hang out overnight. Still, this one’s a bit of a mess. So were these trousers:

As I hung these up, I realized that I had made what was, in all actuality, a bit of a blunder in choosing a suitcase — it was much too large, and only about half full, with the two bundles secured by the straps. I chose it because it has four wheels instead of two, knowing that I would be traveling around airports and train stations, and four wheeled suitcases move much easier. However, this also gave the bundles — especially the one on top — far more room to bounce around and loosen, and thus form more wrinkles. I’ll need to give this a try when the bundles are much more securely packed and see how that works.

Planin’ (Trainin’ and Automobilin’) to Spain

Wednesday, May 14th, 2008

JFK’s new state-of-the art wireless communication device:

A new day over Portugal:

Madrid’s Puerta Atocha station:

More later, including the results of the packing experiment…

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Signs of the bygone times

Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008

Now here’s something you’re not likely to see again in the near (or probably far) future: someone found an Iran Air commercial from the 1970s, right after they started nonstop New York-Tehran flights.  It’s funny/sad how quickly things change sometimes.

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Visit Tehran!  Capital of excitement!  Inspector Clouseau will be your tour guide …

 

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