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About Ramblings of a Hopeless Khowaga

Welcome to my Web site. My name is Chris, and I’ll be your host. I\'m an opinionated, snarky, gay academic with a predilection for the history, the Arab world, languages, photography, food, and music. I live in Austin, Texas. You can read more about me, learn 100 random things about me, and if you’re wondering what the heck a khowaga is, click here. Feel free to browse, read, and leave comments!

Tag: ‘blogs’



Goodbye to all that

Tuesday, December 9th, 2008

No, it’s not another funeral post. I have, however, held off for posting for a few days — I’ve been waiting for inspiration on a topic that didn’t strike me as completely inappropriate considering the number of people who’ve arrived here looking for BJ’s obituary.

I commented in my therapy session yesterday that I’ve been in a pretty decent mood lately. I’ve been productive and energetic at work, and the doom and gloom of the past few months seems to have lifted. I won’t go into the details here, as there are some things that don’t need to be out in public, but the past few months have been very difficult, both personally and professionally. I don’t want to jinx it by saying, “Phew! It’s over!” so instead I’ll say, “Phew! I seem to be moving past it!”

I’m really happy that I’m finally energized at work again. I’ve been in the doldrums for a while, feeling completely uninspired and listless. Natalie and I have finally come to terms with the fact that our project that’s been on life support just needs to be cryofrozen and revived after the summer. Maybe next year will look better — either way, this is a shit-tacular time to be trying to raise money for educator training. Perhaps if we were, say, applying to the Dublin municipal council for a grant of €350,000 for faerie lights to hang all over the place we’d have better luck. Who knows?

I’ve been busy putting together little projects for myself: an art exhibition here (we only need $18,000 for that one, and for some bizarre reason when you’re doing stuff with art it’s rather easy to raise money), and a program in Turkey there.

Yes, it looks like I might get myself to Turkey this summer, which raises the question: should I take some extra time afterwards to jet down to Cairo? I haven’t been in three years. I need my fix. I need to spend a day getting lost in the old city, eat my fill of kushari, and purchase my weight in paper products at the Diwan bookstore. Oh, I guess I could stop by and see Mike and Cindy, too. If there’s time between the kushari and the mosque hopping. With me that’s a big if.

The other question, of course, is whether or not I should instead go to Greece for the very long overdue visit to my extended family, whom I haven’t seen since 1996. Even as I’m thinking about what to type next I’m already coming up with reasons not to do it: by July, the weather in Cairo is nicer than it is in Athens; I have more personal freedom in Egypt on my own than I do under the watchful eye of my second and third cousins in Greece; etc.

I wonder if this could all be related to the fact that, unlike in 1996, I actually speak passable Greek now (with a decidedly Cypriot accent), and am trying to avoid the questions that can now be put to me directly rather than through my cousin Nick’s poor English (yes, I have several cousins named Nick … including a female cousin, Nicoletta. We’re Greek. Stereotypes exist for a reason.). Questions such as: “When are you getting married?” (and the numerous permutations thereof that every gay boy dreads when they know that coming out of the closet isn’t really an option) and “How come you went to Cyprus for two weeks and Turkey for a month and Egypt four times in the past decade and haven’t called once?”

Gee, does anyone else sense a preference for Egypt? Ugh.

Anyway. I guess where I’m going is that this week I’m actually feeling pretty upbeat and I know enough to enjoy it for once. Maybe it’ll catch on. I’m sending out the feelin’ good vibes to my cyberpals who need it, like Shin and Matt. And for once without hokey Christmas puns! Go me!

And maybe my new laptop will be waiting for me when I get home :grin: . Hee.

Exercising My Right to be Lazy

Sunday, November 30th, 2008

‘Tis the Sunday after Thanksgiving and all through the house
Not a creature is stirring, especially not my lazy dog
The stockings have been hung by the TV with care
Because this is Texas and we don’t have a fireplace — get real!

And enough of the writing in verse.  It’s gotten chilly down here in America’s south, although it’s not as bad as, say, up north in DC or Seattle or Ireland, but let’s be perfectly honest: I’ll bet I can deal with the heat better than those guys can (except maybe Brian since he grew up in Atlanta).  Challenge extended, I’m going to exercise my right to sit here and be a lazy bum on the sofa today.  We have a free extended cable “preview” weekend, so Ray and I have watched nearly the entire first season of True Blood and are now catching up on Dexter.  Or we will whenever Ray gets up.

Thanksgiving this year was a small affair — just the two of us and my parents, who brought their photos from their recent “If it’s Tuesday, it must be Belgium” trip through Europe.  Ray chided me slightly for critiquing my father’s photography skills (or lack thereof) but, honestly, how many times can you shoot through your bus window with flash … when you’re using a digital camera … before it occurs to you that maybe you ought to turn the flash off?

This year, the menu consisted of ham (I’m ambivalent about turkey; Ray doesn’t care for it, and my parents always have one on Christmas if they’re jonesing for a tryptophan fix), cornbread stuffing, sweet potato puree, mashed potatoes, and asparagus.  We ate outside–Thanksgiving purists, recoil in horror!  It was 80 degrees on T day this year, and I suggested that we eat on the back patio because, after the stress involved in getting the damned thing built, I kind of feel as though we ought to use it as much as possible.

I insisted on going to the outlet malls down the street (they’re only two miles away) when they opened at midnight.  For those of you not in the US, I don’t know if you can appreciate the cultural phenomenon that is Black Friday.  Frankly, I was a little astounded at the number of people who showed up at midnight, and even more astounded by the number of people who brought small, tired, cranky, whining children with them.  Isn’t the whole point of hitting the Black Friday sales to buy gifts FOR your children?  What good does it to to wake them up in the middle of the night to bring them with you??

Ray and I went together because our primary objective really wasn’t gifts for each other.  We are going on a family visit to Korea in January to visit my brother and sister-in-law (along with my parents), and, based on the advice of everyone I know who’s been to Korea in the winter, I wanted to get thermal underwear, which was on sale at the Jockey store. 

That mission accomplished, we hit a few other places–Brooks Brothers was having a sale.  I have long coveted Brooks Brothers trousers.  I own many BB shirts, and they’re the easiest damned things to take care of.  You can practically wad them up into a ball at the bottom of your suitcase and, as long as you hang them up when you get to your hotel, they’ll be free of wrinkles by morning.  I hate ironing in hotel rooms — they never make the cord long enough and the ironing board tends to leave very little room for one to actually stand in front of it and … well, let’s just say I got my trousers.  Three pair, in fact :mrgreen:

Ray actually got up again at 4 am to go hit a bunch of other stores when they opened.  I slept right through it.

It’s been a fairly quiet long weekend — after what has been a hellish fall, I’m kind of enjoying it, actually.  Yesterday we put up some of the Christmas decorations, and I guess we need to decide how much we’re going to put up outside today or put the lights away. 

Oh, and my car is now overdue for its annual inspection.  Seriously –this is earthshattering stuff here, ain’t it?

Other than that.  I hope your weekend(s) have been fun and exciting or lowkey and relaxing, whichever your hearts desire!

Rising to the Challenge

Saturday, October 18th, 2008

Sam memed me.  What the heck, I was feeling short on inspiration.  I’ll deal with the psychological ramifications of responding to a challenge from a lad nearly half my age in therapy  :)

The challenge is simple: you’re supposed to list five things you’re addicted to.  

#1.  The Internet.

This one goes right at the very top of the list.  I’d never heard of the Internet when I first got to university and my World Politics TA, whose name I do remember but won’t list here, made us all learn how to use something called “e-mail.”  I learned how to use “e-mail” in October, but didn’t actually know anyone else who had it until the following spring.  

Nowadays, I get e-mail on my cell phone.  I actually find this annoying, because I don’t always want to have e-mail coming in on my telephone, especially on weekends off.  You can tell I find this annoying when I take my phone out of my pocket every time it gives that specific shudder vibration that indicates a new message has come in.

My mail is online, my photos are online, I’m connected to half of the known universe by blog, facebook, and flickr.  Friend me!

Yeah, I definitely think that qualifies as an addiction.

 

#2.  Shoes.

My name is Chris, and I’m a shoe whore.

I think I’ve admitted this before — I seem to recall having a length discussion about Danny’s inner Aztec goddess who threatened to eat his still beating heart right out of his chest if he didn’t purchase a pair of shoes.

I don’t actually buy shoes that often, but I have been known to purchase a pair and get home only to realize that I already own them (fortunately on all occasions I’ve been able to add “in another color.”)  The shoe section of our closet — which is far too small–is overrun.

 

#3.  Books.

“You know, you can get those for free at the library,” my mother is fond of saying, every time she comes over and sees the bookshelves.  She’s so not an addict.  The first time as an undergrad that I walked into a professor’s office and saw every wall lined with shelves sagging under the weight of books crammed in every which way, I thought, “I’m not alone!”

At this point, I have most of my academic books at work and my fun trashy books at home.  I’m starting to grow short on space for books at work, though, because I spend part of my budget on books for research. Granted, I haven’t picked up David Cook’s Martyrdom in Islam yet (I really can’t for thelife of me remember what I was doing that I thought it would be useful), but some of the others–Desiring Arabs, Ornament of the World, Muslins in Spain 1492-1611–I have devoured as quickly as humanly possible.  Hey, I’m a history geek.  I like this stuff.

At home, on the other hand, I’ve got The Devil Wears Prada on my night stand.  Granted, at the moment, I’m reading a trashy Egyptian novel by an author you probably haven’t heard of, but trust me: it’s trashy.

 

#4.  Food.

I know, we all need food to live.  If I’m an addict, we all are, right?

Well, here’s the thing.  There’s food, and then there’s food.  I am loathe to refer to myself as a “foodie” because a former coworker used to proudly call herself that.  Mainly, I think it was so that she could excuse her own bizarre tastes and self-diagnosed food allergies under a mask of snobbishness (“I’m a foodie” sounds so much better than “Eating onions gives me explosive diarrhea”).

Natalie’s friend Jacques–the one who took us to Teotihuacan and then out to dinner with his partner where I learned many interesting Spanish words–asked me if I was a foodie, and I said, “I wouldn’t say that I’m a foodie.  I just enjoy eating.”

“Well,” he said, “That’s what being a foodie is.”

So maybe I am a foodie.  I don’t know.  I like trying new recipes in my kitchen, and I like trying new foods when I go out.  Our pantry is stocked with spices I’ve only used a handful of times, and on very rare occasions we have to have a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner because a recipe I’ve tried has turned out very, very, very badly. 

But at least we tried it.  ;)

 

#5.  Photography.

I dithered about putting this one up here.  Am I trying to sound cool?  I wonder.  Then I think about all of the meetings and places that I have wandered into with my camera to the consternation of colleagues, my parents, my boyfriend, and people who have decided to just pretend they don’t know who I am.  I’m usually gracious enough to respond positively when they ask if they can have some of the photos later.

I don’t tend to take a lot of photos at home (although I think Ray would dispute that).  When I’m traveling, however, my camera is always with me.  Always.  We can be just going to dinner, and I’ll bring it along.  Something might happen that I’ll want a photo of!  When Natalie and I went to Puebla, I didn’t bring my camera to dinner and missed getting a photo of the chiles en nogada that we had for dinner the night we arrived.  I may never forgive myself.  We were seriously tempted to have them again just so that I could have the chance.

As much as I’m addicted to photography–and believe you me, when the Adorama weekly specials arrive in my inbox or the quarterly B&H catalog arrives in the mail, it’s like pornography–I still question whether or not I’m a decent photographer.  I’ve taken my share of decent photos, some of which I’ve liked enough to put on the wall in my office or at home.  But then I look at the photos of the pros–some of whom are barely out of high school!–and I feel inadequate. 

And then I pick up my camera and keep trying.

 

I think at the end of this, I’m supposed to tag others for the meme, but I don’t like doing that.  So, here’s the thing: if you do this, leave a message and link in the comments so I can keep track!

Version Creep

Tuesday, October 7th, 2008

I’ve been a bad blogger of late, and haven’t posted much. I didn’t realize that I’d let the whole of October slip by without weighing in on things, but I’ve been … well, there’s the rub.

A few weeks back, I had one of those medical management sessions with my psychiatrist that costs $2 a minute (15 minute appointment, $30 co-pay) in which we mutually decided, for a variety of reasons that I won’t go into here, to cut the dosage of medication that I’ve been taking for years in half. This seemed like a good idea at the time.

I should point out to those of you who aren’t on anti-depressants that dosage adjustment isn’t a quick process. Once you do so, it can take up to three weeks for the effects to make themselves apparent. My appointment was a little under two weeks ago, and the change hit me yesterday, a bit like a steamroller. I’ve been flakier and loopier than normal, and I swear I must have studied air molecules in my office (at least that’s the explanation I offered my bewildered assistant who found me staring into space blankly) for a good twenty minutes this afternoon.

There is a more productive rationale behind this–again, really not something I feel comfortable discussing publicly–but it’s clear at this point that our first attempt at finding a solution isn’t going to pan out. I have to drive to Dallas tomorrow and I’m going to resume my normal dose of medication this evening so that I don’t either forget to take a turn or cower in fear at every car that approaches in the next lane. The only surprise at this point would be which personality becomes the dominant one. Yesterday I was jumping at my shadow. Today I’m mopey.

So I guess it’s back to the drawing board. Yuck. :neutral:

As I was perusing my news feeds, which I did repeatedly today in case there was another round of found video of Sarah Palin in the evening gown competition for Miss Alaska 1984, I have already become sick of the endless advertising for Photoshop CS4. This is starting to remind me of the iPhone phenomena, and the Mac OS 10.5 phenomena before that: not all of us upgrade every time a new set of software/hardware comes out.

In fact, some of us don’t own an iPhone at all, but if you read Lifehacker, you’d swear it was the only phone on the market.

When Mac OS X.5 came out, all of the Apple sites I peruse instantly began acting like no one in their right mind could possibly decide not to upgrade, and so every article they ran had to do with this nifty new feature or that nifty new feature. Apparently 10.4 ran out of nifty. I didn’t know that was possible.

Likewise, as I peruse the numerous digital photography and Photoshop blogs I read, it’s CS4 mania! Apparently CS3 is tapped out, and we’re all just supposed to shell out the ridiculous price for the upgrade just as soon as it comes out. I can’t even be bothered to buy Lightroom 2, and I think I qualify for an upgrade on that one.

I guess the thread that binds this altogether is that the grass is always greener somewhere else. Granted, it wasn’t the sentiment that started my search for a new medication regimen (although one that’s in generic would be nice), but it all comes to the same thing: after the luster is gone, are you truly happier? Or do you suddenly find yourself wishing you hadn’t had that second cup of coffee this morning … ?

The Blame Game

Tuesday, September 30th, 2008

First off, I need to correct something that I said in my last post. If split between every man, woman, and child in the country, the financial bailout package would come out to $1,200 per person after taxes, not $120,000 per person. This correction was sent out by the person who forwards everything (even though I have asked her to stop repeatedly, only to be told that it’s too much work for her to delete me from her mailing list and it’s just easier for me to delete her messages) because she can’t do or check math, which is interesting because she’s an accountant.

Saturn Devouring His SonWhich leads me to my next point: what’s up with this financial bailout thing anyway? Heather was distressed at my quietude over the DNC and RNC (seriously, what could I say about Sarah Palin that everyone else in America hasn’t said already, and that Tina Fey hasn’t said much more eloquently?), but I will weigh in on this.

$700 billion dollars–that’s $700,000,000,000 so you can see it in all of its dizzying, multiple-zero glory–is one hundred times the amount of money that the United Nations can’t get the G8 countries combined to donate to aid and relief for Africa. Our economy has swallowed the entire continent of Africa whole … one hundred times. It brings to mind the entirely nauseating Goya painting of Saturn devouring his son that I saw in the Prado. There’s our financial system for you in a nutshell. A deranged god devouring a helpless infant.

I’d rather have my tax dollars going to help Africa than going to bail out Wall Street. I know that makes me a heartless pig, and believe me, I am not blind to the suffering going on. My own retirement fund had lost the equivalent of two months’ worth of contributions the last time I checked–and that was in June, before the current mess really got going.

What I am certain won’t help, however, is the blame game that the presidential candidate who “suspended his campaign” decided to engage in after the bailout plan failed. It’s apparently all Obama’s fault, says John McCain, whose leadership on the bailout didn’t actually include a visit to Capital Hill — you know, where the work was actually being done on the plan?

So, I’ll do the same thing I did after 9/11: we need someone to blame for it? It was Bob in Accounting. He’s the evil mastermind behind the failure of the plan. Blame Bob, stop bitching, and get to work.

And while you’re at it, throw a couple billion Africa’s way. They could actually use the money.

 

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