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About Ramblings of a Hopeless Khowaga

Welcome to my Web site. My name is Chris, and I’ll be your host. I live in Austin, Texas, with my partner, Ray, and our child dog, Mocha. You can read more about me, learn 100 random things about me, and if you’re wondering what the heck a khowaga is, click here. Feel free to browse, read, and leave comments!

Tag: ‘dexter’



Exercising My Right to be Lazy

Sunday, November 30th, 2008

‘Tis the Sunday after Thanksgiving and all through the house
Not a creature is stirring, especially not my lazy dog
The stockings have been hung by the TV with care
Because this is Texas and we don’t have a fireplace — get real!

And enough of the writing in verse.  It’s gotten chilly down here in America’s south, although it’s not as bad as, say, up north in DC or Seattle or Ireland, but let’s be perfectly honest: I’ll bet I can deal with the heat better than those guys can (except maybe Brian since he grew up in Atlanta).  Challenge extended, I’m going to exercise my right to sit here and be a lazy bum on the sofa today.  We have a free extended cable “preview” weekend, so Ray and I have watched nearly the entire first season of True Blood and are now catching up on Dexter.  Or we will whenever Ray gets up.

Thanksgiving this year was a small affair — just the two of us and my parents, who brought their photos from their recent “If it’s Tuesday, it must be Belgium” trip through Europe.  Ray chided me slightly for critiquing my father’s photography skills (or lack thereof) but, honestly, how many times can you shoot through your bus window with flash … when you’re using a digital camera … before it occurs to you that maybe you ought to turn the flash off?

This year, the menu consisted of ham (I’m ambivalent about turkey; Ray doesn’t care for it, and my parents always have one on Christmas if they’re jonesing for a tryptophan fix), cornbread stuffing, sweet potato puree, mashed potatoes, and asparagus.  We ate outside–Thanksgiving purists, recoil in horror!  It was 80 degrees on T day this year, and I suggested that we eat on the back patio because, after the stress involved in getting the damned thing built, I kind of feel as though we ought to use it as much as possible.

I insisted on going to the outlet malls down the street (they’re only two miles away) when they opened at midnight.  For those of you not in the US, I don’t know if you can appreciate the cultural phenomenon that is Black Friday.  Frankly, I was a little astounded at the number of people who showed up at midnight, and even more astounded by the number of people who brought small, tired, cranky, whining children with them.  Isn’t the whole point of hitting the Black Friday sales to buy gifts FOR your children?  What good does it to to wake them up in the middle of the night to bring them with you??

Ray and I went together because our primary objective really wasn’t gifts for each other.  We are going on a family visit to Korea in January to visit my brother and sister-in-law (along with my parents), and, based on the advice of everyone I know who’s been to Korea in the winter, I wanted to get thermal underwear, which was on sale at the Jockey store. 

That mission accomplished, we hit a few other places–Brooks Brothers was having a sale.  I have long coveted Brooks Brothers trousers.  I own many BB shirts, and they’re the easiest damned things to take care of.  You can practically wad them up into a ball at the bottom of your suitcase and, as long as you hang them up when you get to your hotel, they’ll be free of wrinkles by morning.  I hate ironing in hotel rooms — they never make the cord long enough and the ironing board tends to leave very little room for one to actually stand in front of it and … well, let’s just say I got my trousers.  Three pair, in fact :mrgreen:

Ray actually got up again at 4 am to go hit a bunch of other stores when they opened.  I slept right through it.

It’s been a fairly quiet long weekend — after what has been a hellish fall, I’m kind of enjoying it, actually.  Yesterday we put up some of the Christmas decorations, and I guess we need to decide how much we’re going to put up outside today or put the lights away. 

Oh, and my car is now overdue for its annual inspection.  Seriously –this is earthshattering stuff here, ain’t it?

Other than that.  I hope your weekend(s) have been fun and exciting or lowkey and relaxing, whichever your hearts desire!

On Pastries, Politics, and the Voodoo Magic of SkyMall

Saturday, January 5th, 2008

I know, I know. I should write about what went down in Iowa, right? I considered it briefly until I was in the car the next morning and heard a fascinating piece on NPR about the role that pastries played in swaying votes in one town — I think it was supposed to be cute. That was where I plugged the audiobook of Darkly Dreaming Dexter back in and pushed “play.” Please. Sociopathic serial killer or politics — which would you chose?

Pastries sway the vote in Iowa. I know, I know, pastries didn’t really sway the vote in Iowa, but it’s sort of symptomatic of my lack of in my lack of interest in politics. I can’t wait for the political wheelers and dealers to start employing whatever technology the Sky Mall people have come up with. Then we’re all well and truly fucked.

But what is this? you ask. What the heck does Sky Mall have to do with anything? Are we talking about the same Sky Mall? That catalog that every airline in America (and possibly a few other countries) has stashed in the seat back pocket in front of you, along with the airline magazine, the safety information card, the barf bag, and a number of unsanitary items discarded by the last twelve passengers to sit in this seat?

The very same, I tell you.

You see, it came to my knowledge a number of years ago that Sky Mall Magazine is the most concrete example that we have of the existence of magiks, charms, voodoo, or whatever you wanna call it. What the people who have encharmed this publication have done is very clever: they have managed to take crap that no one wants … and I mean no one. Not you, not me, not great aunt Tilly, not crazy Rhona who never takes out her curlers and lives in the dilapidated shack down the corner. No one wants this stuff. It’s overpriced, it’s ridiculous, and yet, for some reason, when you pass above 10,000 feet and the captain rings that little cabin bell, it all seems like such a good idea!

They’ve either worked magic, or they’ve figured out that people who are trapped in an uncomfortable airline seat and pressurized undergo strange changes in their brain wave patterns, and they’ve figured out how to exploit that.

It goes something like this:

You: (flipping through the pages) Look at this crap. Who needs any of this stuff? Look at this: it’s a stroller for your dog. Hello?! Dogs can walk. It’s kind of the point of owning a dog that they can walk themselves.

Here’s another one: “grow tomato plants upside down in a special planter.” Oh, and I see they’ve labeled it ‘space age’ so that people will think it’s all impressive. I can kill tomato plants quite comfortably growing upwards, thankyouverymuch.

Aha! A winner! It’s a GPS collar for my cat! My cat sits on the sofa all day long getting fat, and he can’t read a map! What the hell do I need a GPS collar for, anyway? My cat doesn’t know how to read maps…

Bing!

Flight attendant: Ladies and gentlemen, the captain has indicated that it is now safe to use approved electronic devices. A list of such devices can be found on page ___ of the inflight magazine.

You: OMG! A GPS collar for my cat! I so need one of those! And look! I can grow tomatoes upside down!! That’s why I’ve been killing them all these years! Stupid me, I’ve been growing them right side up! Ohh! A dog stroller!

Think I’m kidding? Next time you get on an airplane, try this little experiment: pull out the Sky Mall while you’re still sitting at the gate. Find five items that you think are so ridiculous you would never consider purchasing them, ever. Fold down the pages. Put the Sky Mall back in the seat pocket, and wait.

When you get to your cruising altitude, pull out the Sky Mall again. You will want to purchase at least one of the items with enough religious fervor that you will start looking around for the nearest Airphone. I promise.

Weird, huh?

I tell you, if the politico hacks attached to the various presidential campaigns ever figure out how that technique works, we are well and truly fucked as a nation. Wait a second … maybe they already have. It would certainly explain the last eight years, wouldn’t it? :shock:

If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go make a tin foil hat and hide until November …

Never Could Quite Get the Hang of Tuesdays

Tuesday, September 25th, 2007

Blech.

Amusing stuff out of the way first.

I’m feeling completely uninspired today. It has been a busy few weeks, and I’d love to say it’s all because of my promotion, but in all honesty it has to do with the amount of time I’ve spent on the road of late. I’m really making a concerted effort not to do a blog fade like some of the blogs I’ve read for years — that inspired me to start blogging, in fact — that seem to have petered out over recent months.

I spent too much time last night obsessing about my homework for Arabic that was due today, and in all perfect honesty, I’m not sure that I finished it so much as decided that, after six hours, I couldn’t work on it anymore and just threw in the towel. (لست متاكد اذا اكملت الواجب او خلاصت معه.) Seriously, at two o’clock in the morning I was laying awake, formulating wonderfully complex sentences that just seemed to slip right out of my grasp (لا اتمسقهم) when I sat down at the keyboard and started typing later on. I have started typing my assignments, as it’s a hell of a lot easier to edit a typed document on the computer than it is to write the whole thing out over and over again by hand. It’s murder on the wrist.

The interesting thing is that I seem to have no problem getting the point across verbally, but I can’t write to save my life. Such is the hazard of being seven years out of practice, and you’re all probably really tired of hearing me whine about it.

I’m at least on the mend – I may have finally managed to get most of the remaining mucus out of my system (I know, I know: TMI). This weekend, Ray and I sat on the sofa and watched the entire first season of Dexter, because I do adore Michael C. Hall as an actor, even when he’s making out with Darla the Vampire from Buffy and Angel instead of with Mathew St. Patrick like he’s supposed to. The show appeals to my warped side.

And yes, I did see Heroes last night, and I felt a little underwhelmed by the experience. I know they’ve got to set up a new season and get everyone settled down from last season, but I hope they don’t pull a Sopranos and spend half the season doing it. I’m just sayin.

More later when the inspiration hits me. Unlike certain people, I know not to force it when my 15 minutes are over. (For the record, I just couldn’t bring myself to link to an actual Chris Crocker video, so this one goes to the much more amusing video response by Seth Green.)

 

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