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About Ramblings of a Hopeless Khowaga

Welcome to my Web site. My name is Chris, and I’ll be your host. I\'m an opinionated, snarky, gay academic with a predilection for the history, the Arab world, languages, photography, food, and music. I live in Austin, Texas. You can read more about me, learn 100 random things about me, and if you’re wondering what the heck a khowaga is, click here. Feel free to browse, read, and leave comments!

Tag: ‘elections’



Huckabee Steals a Line from Santorum

Thursday, January 17th, 2008

In a newly published interview with belief.net, Mike Huckabee compares gay marriage to polygamy and bestiality. (Polygamy I kind of get; but bestiality? Really? How’s the goat supposed to say “I do?”)

This isn’t even original–Rick Santorum already went down this road, and look where it got him. (Unelected.) On some level, though, you’ve got to appreciate the honesty. You never have to worry about what he’s thinking.

Huckabee needs to save this stuff until after the primaries. Otherwise, he’s going to lose to Romney. (This is bad because, unlike Huckabee, Romney actually has a snowball’s chance in hell of getting elected, especially if Hillary gets the nomination.)

Frak.

Wednesday, January 9th, 2008

My horse is out of the race.

The A.P. is reporting that New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson is dropping out of the presidential race. I know that for most of my Democratic bretheren, it’s really a two horse race between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, but I was pretty set to vote for Richardson. I’m a foreign policy wonk. Richardson is a stellar diplomat who, I think, could actually fix this country’s decimated ruined abysmal damaged credibility abroad and win us back our place at the top of the world not only militarily but from a moral perspective as well.

I knew he wasn’t going to win. He’s too damned nice to be president. He’d be like Jimmy Carter all over again. For all of this faults, Carter’s basic problem was that he trusted people who shouldn’t be trusted. When the Shah of Iran said he took human rights seriously, Carter believed him because he lacked that gene that makes you wonder if people are telling the truth or not. Richardson’s not that naive. He’s met Kim Jong-Il. He’s also met Aung San Suu Kyi. It doesn’t get more polar opposite than those two.

I could, theoretically, still vote for Richardson. He’ll still be on the ballot. I voted for Wesley Clark in ’04 even though he had dropped out by the time I voted, although in that case it was a matter of days. The Texas primary still isn’t for another eight weeks. I hate being in one of the late states because it makes me feel like my doesn’t count — after all, my first-choice candidate is out of the race already!

So, what do I do? Do I pick another dark horse candidate — is there another dark horse candidate? Or do I decide between Hillary and Obama now? ‘Tis a puzzlement.

The good news is that I’ve got seven weeks to figure it out.

Electioneering, or, My Solution to Voter Apathy

Thursday, January 3rd, 2008

It’s caucus day in Iowa, the day that ordinary Iowans participate in the caucuses and so become Caucusians and gather to celebrate their Caucusianity by standing around and … I don’t really know how this works. I just know that it’s Caucusian Day in Iowa. (Of course, in Iowa, every day is Caucusian Day … pay very close attention to how I spelled that, OK?)

Lest the flame wars start, allow me to reassure everyone who is reading this that I am joking. I happen to know that the first mosque in the good ol’ US of A was built right there in Cedar Rapids, Iowa (bet you didn’t know that, did you?), and that both of Iowa’s African-American residents are fine, upstanding citizens who retire to their homes before dark and lock the doors tightly.

Again, I’m kidding. I’ve been to Iowa. Lovely state. Go Hawkeyes!

I could turn on the news right now and probably see a number of diagrams of how the caucus process actually works, but I don’t particularly care that much. At the end of the day, they have a candidate … or three … and the news media sits back in a heated, sweaty, post-masturbatory slump, resting long enough to be on the airwaves tomorrow morning to tell us the deeper significance of What Voters Are Actually Looking For. Like they know.

I’m already over this election. I don’t really care who wins today in Iowa, and as much as I do like my former roommate whose Nashua, New Hampshire family once hosted then-Governor Bill Clinton in their living room, I really don’t care about New Hampshire’s election next week, either.

You see, I really don’t care about Hillary’s stance, Obama’s chances, Mitt’s hair, and Huckabee’s squirrel recipes. The reason I don’t care about them is because we won’t be voting on a new president until November. That’s eleven months from now. Things will change a lot between now and then, and I am eagerly awaiting to see who crosses the nasty-ad threshold first (Mike Huckabee had a false start, but recanted).

Granted, these are the primaries. I decided who I want to vote for months ago (doesn’t matter who, because he isn’t going to win), and I won’t pay attention after the primaries because I already know who I’m going to vote for in November. I’m going to vote for the Democrat.
(I’m gay: duuuuuuuuuuh.)

Of course, I live in Texas. It doesn’t matter who I vote for. I could vote for George Washington, and it still wouldn’t matter. Texas will go Republican in November. Texas always goes Republican. Hence, my deep voter apathy (take that and analyze it, Matt Lauer!).

On this first of many election days that will follow in 2008, I will recount to you a delightfully wicked story that supposedly recounts how the Thai used to choose their king when there were rival claimants to the throne. I read this in a magazine once — and not one of those magazines, and I presume that this is fiction. I think the article was written by Gore Vidal, who is a Wonderfully Dirty Old Man. (Note: if you’re in Thailand, please read “Burmese” where I’ve written “Thai”).

There is in Chiang Mai (again, if you’re in Thailand, please read “Mandalay” here) a monastery where rivals for the throne would retreat upon the death of the king. There they would meditate with the monks, display their swordsmanship with the courtiers, and prepare for the ultimate Election of the Fittest in order to succeed to the throne.

Upon the day in question, the two contenders would be brought into the great hall. There, they would shed their robes and sit with their legs spread apart upon the floor, which would have been covered in honey the night before. Each of the contenders would hold his, um, member, up and then allow it to impact the honey-covered floor. He who killed the most flies would become king.

From this ritual, Mr. Vidal informs us, the Thai got the name for their capital: Bangkok. (If you’re reading this from Thailand, I’m sorry: Rangoon just doesn’t work as the punchline, not that it’s the capital of Burma anymore. And yes, I know that Bangkok is actually called Krung Thep in Thai. I’m so very sorry for the offensive joke.)

The reason I bring this up is that I think it would actually make a most fascinating way to elect a president. It certainly would herald us much more attractive candidates, and we’d have a much better mental image to use when the inevitable sex scandals break. We wouldn’t even need special allowances this election because [Insert Hillary has a penis joke here -- I'm too tired to come up with one]. Plus, the FCC would have to fine each candidate for indecency on air before their term started. I mean, this is absolutely worthy of Christopher Buckley, if not Gore Vidal.

It would certainly solve the voter apathy problem, too. :lol:

Exercising my right to be confused

Tuesday, November 6th, 2007

It’s election day here in These United States.

I don’t actually have the slightest idea what I’m supposed to vote on today. From the way they’ve been going on about it on National Public Radio, one could be forgiven for thinking that today’s election might, in some way, be related to next year’s presidential election. Every morning they go on at some length about the latest debate, who’s in the race, who’s out of the race, who got a blowjob in a public restroom somewhere … well, not that last one. Not about one of the presidential candidates. Not yet.

I know that people were starting to line up early for the elections in 2000, but it seemed like a pretty foregone conclusion that Al Gore would run for the Dems, so it was only who would come out as the leading Republican contender. Even though the man is heading toward completion of his second term, I still can’t believe that the Republican party thought that the recovering alcoholic/crack addict son of a one-term president would have a snowball’s chance in hell. Now that I live in Texas and have some idea of what the governor’s role in state politics doesn’t entail — seriously, does Rick Perry actually do anything? — I’m even more astounded that they pulled it off. Them ‘pubs got a good war machine. I mean, they could at least have picked the smart kid.

So, for the first time since … well, in a very long time, we have a president who’s not running, and his veep ain’t running to replace him. Otherwise we’d have [insert Dick Cheney gun joke here].

It also says something that I already know who I plan to vote for in the spring primary, but don’t know what I’m supposed to stop by the high school in my neighborhood this afternoon and fill in the little circles about on my way home.

And people wonder why the American public is so apathetic about voting. Please. I’m not apathetic about voting. If I were apathetic, I’d

The Importance of Public Participation

Sunday, November 5th, 2006

I tend to read The New York Times on a pretty regular basis, mostly in the online form because I’m not rich enough to pay $1 each day for the privilege of reading about what’s going on in a city 1,200 miles away.

The local Austin paper (the Austin American-Statesman) is a nice example of what cow chips look like in print. Its editorial staff is notoriously out of touch with local opinions: for example, they have once again endorsed Governor Rick Perry for re-election, even though Travis County usually votes against him.

Since the rest of the paper is fluff pieces cobbled from the newswires of other units owned by the same media conglomerate, I am generally forced to look elsewhere if, say, I want to know what’s going on in the rest of the world. There’s a lot of NYT in my world and a lot of BBC, and every so often, just for a laugh, I’ll turn on Al-Jazeera, which isn’t any better than most of the English language news-channels (it’s skewed just as badly in the opposite direction), but their sense of the melodramatic strikes me as humorous.

Where this is all going is that most of the media outlets — the ones that have taken a break from Ted Haggard, Saddam Hussein, and prediction’s about what’s going to happen next on Lost — are focused on what’s going to happen on Tuesday.

In case you’ve been living under a rock, Tuesday is the midterm election in the United States, and it’s the chance for the American people to make up for their zombie-esque performance in the 2002 and 2004 elections by expressing their discontent with the current administration where it hurts: at the ballot box.

As I mentioned the other day, Texas is in no danger of joining the blue state list any time soon. I tend to joke that since I live in one of the suburbs, across the county line from liberal Austin, that I and my partner comprise the entire Williamson County Democratic Party. My joke got an unpleasant reinforcement when I went to cast my ballot in early voting (here in Texas, we can vote at any point two weeks prior to Election Day, with the added bonus that we don’t have to do it at our assigned precinct’s polling station). Even though I checked off the straight-party box on the ballot, I still had to fill in a number of holes where there wasn’t a Democrat running: Republican or Libertarian? Republican or Libertarian? I tend to go with the Libertarians, since they tend not to be in favor of banning stuff, but this is Texas, so one never knows.

Anyway. For those of you out there still trying to make up your mind about what to do on Tuesday, let me offer some choice excerpts from a biting editorial in today’s New York Times: “The Difference Two Years Made:”

… [T]he Republican majority that has run the House — and for the most part, the Senate — during President Bush’s tenure has done a terrible job on the basics. Its tax-cutting-above-all-else has wrecked the budget, hobbled the middle class and endangered the long-term economy. It has refused to face up to global warming and done pathetically little about the country’s dependence on foreign oil.

For us, the breaking point came over the Republicans’ attempt to undermine the fundamental checks and balances that have safeguarded American democracy since its inception. The fact that the White House, House and Senate are all controlled by one party is not a threat to the balance of powers, as long as everyone understands the roles assigned to each by the Constitution. But over the past two years, the White House has made it clear that it claims sweeping powers that go well beyond any acceptable limits. Rather than doing their duty to curb these excesses, the Congressional Republicans have dedicated themselves to removing restraints on the president’s ability to do whatever he wants. To paraphrase Tom DeLay, the Republicans feel you don’t need to have oversight hearings if your party is in control of everything.

This election is indeed about George W. Bush — and the Congressional majority’s insistence on protecting him from the consequences of his mistakes and misdeeds. Mr. Bush lost the popular vote in 2000 and proceeded to govern as if he had an enormous mandate. After he actually beat his opponent in 2004, he announced he now had real political capital and intended to spend it. We have seen the results. It is frightening to contemplate the new excesses he could concoct if he woke up next Wednesday and found that his party had maintained its hold on the House and Senate.

If you’re tired of the way this country is headed, get out and register your disapproval on Tuesday. If you like where this country is headed, get out and register your approval on Tuesday. Either way, get off your ass and vote.

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