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About Ramblings of a Hopeless Khowaga

Welcome to my Web site. My name is Chris, and I’ll be your host. I live in Austin, Texas, with my partner, Ray, and our child dog, Mocha. You can read more about me, learn 100 random things about me, and if you’re wondering what the heck a khowaga is, click here. Feel free to browse, read, and leave comments!

Tag: ‘english’



Confessions of an Arabic Learner

Friday, December 11th, 2009

The other day whilst trying to set up an appointment to discuss a project with our associate chair, she mentioned casually that she couldn’t meet one afternoon because she was supposed to be on Wisconsin Public Radio.

“Really?  Why?”
“I’m … not actually sure,” she said.  “They want to talk about learning Arabic?”

Well, the interview is now online, and it’s quite the doozy.  For those not inclined to listen to the whole 54 minutes, the first five will do it — it’s long enough to establish the following:

  1. The woman doing the interview is a complete idiot.
  2. The woman doing the interview did absolutely no research on how to pronounce the name of the book that she’s supposedly basing the entire interview around (“Al-Kitaab fi ta’alum al-’arabiyya” — she shortens it to “Al-Kitaab,” which means “the book” and would be pronounced as a mashup of the two common English words “kit” and “tab” as they are pronounced by Americans.  Not only can she not do this, she actually changes the way she pronounces it over the course of the hour several times).
  3. The woman doing the interview clearly did not ask one of her interviewees, Mahmoud al-Batal, how to pronounce his name, as she consistently pronounces it wrong (and, again, her pronunciation changes over the course of the hour) — which, I’m sorry, is a horribly egregious error.  I’ve had people make sure they’re pronouncing MY name correctly before, and my name is pretty damned easy.
  4. The goal of the interview is to make learning Arabic sound as difficult as humanly possible.  Whether this was the stated goal or not, I don’t know, but I was alternately amused and astonished by her inability to move beyond the fact that Arabic is read and written from right-to-left (and also to find out exactly why this is — including, if possible, assigning personal blame for it).

My favorite part of the hour is that you can practically hear the two interviewees looking at each other and trying to nonverbally work out how to respond without calling the interviewer a complete moron.

Anyway, for those who are so inclined, here are some reflections about learning Arabic that I’d like to share.  This is based not only on my knee jerk reaction to this interview, but from the 16 years of experience I’ve had being a white guy learning and speaking Arabic and responding to  questions from those who do not.

Things that are not actually difficult about learning Arabic as a foreign language.

1. The alphabet (more correctly in this case, it’s an abjad).  Arabic has an actual alphabet.  Each letter stands for a specific consonant sound.  It’s not written in characters.  Once you learn the alphabet–which took about three weeks when I started, but that’s because Arabic 101 only met twice a week–it’s a non-issue, and you don’t have to revisit it ever again unless you decide to take up a language that uses the same alphabet but has more letters (Persian, Urdu, and Malaysian, for example), in which case you’ll have to learn the new letters.  It’s really not that hard.

2. Arabic is always written in cursive — even when it’s printed or typed.  It was bewildering the first time that my Arabic instructor, having taught us the letters a, l, k, t, and b (ا ل ك ت ب) put them all together to form “alktab” (al-kitaab, الكتاب), “the book”.  You stare at it for about 10 seconds, and then it clicks.  By the end of the first class of 101, this is not an issue anymore.  I’ve done this with 6th graders.  They can get it.  It’s really not that hard.

Explaining this to Hollywood, on the other hand, is another story.  I’ve lost count of the number of times that I’ve seen Arabic text in the background that doesn’t connect — which, frankly, renders the text unreadable.  Most recently, some characters on the show “FlashForward” traveled to Hong Kong looking for Shohreh Aghdashloo (who must be desperate for work), and stopped by an Iranian restaurant she was known to frequent.  The restaurant’s sign was in English and Persian (written with the Arabic alphabet) … and the Persian letters didn’t connect.

I also once saw improperly formed Arabic tatooed on a guy in a Sean Cody video.  Poor guy.

3. Sounds that aren’t in English. Once you learn how to say them properly, you get over it.  However, contrary to popular belief, there are actually four H sounds in Arabic, and only one of them sounds like forming a spit ball.  The alphabet is fully phonetic — every letter has one sound.  And it’s always the same sound.  Unlike English.  Contemplate, if you will, the utter uselessness of the letters c and x sometime — both simply replicate sounds produced by other letters — x has no unique functions (it can be represented as “eks”), and c’s only unique function is in the syllable “ch” as in “choose”.  K and q aren’t as differentiated as they ought to be — as in, for example, the Arabic ك  and ق

4. Reading and writing from right to left. Although our interviewer gets hung up on this, it’s probably the biggest non-issue of them all.  It just is.

5. The lack of a “be” verb. There is no verb “to be” in Arabic (it’s a Semitic language quirk — there isn’t one in Hebrew, either).  “be” is implied.  To say you’re a student, you say, انا طالب, which is literally “I student.”  The “am” is implied.

Things that are more difficult about learning Arabic as a foreign language.

1. The non-writing of vowels. Like every other Semitic language out there (except, apparently, Amharic, which at some point gave in), along with a number of other languages that use abjads, vowels — specifically short vowels — are not written.  Normally this isn’t such a problem, however, to continue with our example, let’s look at ktb — كتب.  It could be “kutub” (books), it could be “kataba” (he wrote), or it could be “kutiba” (it was written).  You have to figure it out from context, which is a bit of an advanced skill.

2. The lack of cognates with English. The running joke when learning Spanish is that you can add “o” to the end of an English word and make it a Spanish word.  It’s usually not true, but it’s based on the number of cognates between the two languages — words that are similar enough in form and meaning that speakers of one can understand the other.  In Arabic, however, you can’t add “al-” to the front of an English word and make it correct — it’s kind of a crutch that the non-fluent but advanced speakers can use when speaking to a bilingual crowd so as not to break stride — I’ve thrown English words in when I don’t know the Arabic ones — but it doesn’t work in casual conversation.  The only cognates you’re likely to find are ones that were English to begin with: al-internet.  al-kumbyootir.  ad-dimuqraasiya. at-tiknuluujiya.

3. The lack of a “be” verb.  Where the lack of the be verb gets tricky is in the way the language has compensated for it — while there is not a verb for “to be,” there IS what my first Arabic instructor went to very great pains to make sure that we all understood was definitely NOT a verb for “to not be.”  Similarly, there is a not-verb for “to have been.”  Never mind that both look, smell, sound, and function like verbs in every other way, except, of course, for the fact that they’re not verbs.  Dammit.

4. There are no irregular verbs in Arabic. There are 500 regular verbal patterns, 495 of which only apply to one verb each.

5. Broken plurals. Similarly, there are lots of patterns for pluralizing words … and many of them are really irregular.  Grad students like to sit around and make up broken plurals for English to amuse themselves, which is how we decided a few years ago that the plural of “Bi-otch” is “Bowatchaa’”

6. Diglossia.  This is probably the biggest challenge for the learner of Arabic as a foreign language.  “Arabic” — the language that is taught in a classroom, is often Modern Standard Arabic, a constructed high language based on the language of the Qur’an (but not necessarily mutually intelligible with it).  It is grammatically rigid, nuanced, and eloquent.  It is not, however, what people speak in their daily lives.  Countries, regions, cities all have their own dialects that are based on MSA, but have been influenced over the centuries by other factors.

The Egyptian dialect–the one I’m the most familiar with–contains both words of Turkish origin (from the four centuries of Ottoman rule) as well as words of Coptic origin (Coptic is the language of the Egyptian Christian church, and is descended from the ancient Egyptian language).  In fact, I have a book on my shelf that outlines the number of words in Egyptian Arabic that can be traced back to the days of the pharaohs.  The Moroccan dialect, by contrast, contains a lot of words that haven’t been used since the medieval period in other parts of the Arab world, as well as a lot of Berber and French.

When I first arrived in Egypt as an undergrad, I had two years of Modern Standard under my belt and found myself unable to communicate with another living soul.  Those who could speak Modern Standard usually tired of hearing me struggle and would switch to English, which they usually spoke better than I could speak Arabic.

New textbooks now introduce dialect early on — as well they should.  I couldn’t even agree with people — I’d been taught to use the formal na’am, while most people in the eastern Mediterranean actually say aywa.

A few thoughts to throw out there — Arabic is definitely a challenging language, but the things that most people get hung up on aren’t even an issue.  Get over the squiggly letters and the right-to-left, oh interviewers of the world!

And, for God’s sake, quite trying to figure out whose fault it is … yeesh.

LiveBlogging the Great Blizzard of 2009

Friday, December 4th, 2009

Given the extensive coverage the topic has received in major international outlets such as the Austin American-Statesman and KUT-FM radio, I’m sure that you are all aware of the impending blizzard that is set to descend upon the ATX later this morning (assuming the weathermen didn’t get it wrong, again).  In case you’ve been hiding under a rock, here’s the skinny: there is a 60% chance that we may receive up to an inch of snow today.

Naturally, this news has caused panic among some weaker willed individuals.  The University of Texas, for example, felt compelled to issue a pre-emptive notice yesterday afternoon reminding everyone that classes had not yet been canceled, but urged us to check the University’s emergency line before proceeding to work tomorrow for the latest updates.

As you know, here at ROHK we strive for journalistic and culinary excellence of a higher standard, and so, I am sacrificing my own well-being to bring you the latest news about the event that I am sure will be recorded in the annals of history as The Great Blizzard of 2009.

Do check back regularly for updates.

Friday, December 4, 2009

6:10 am: Wake up, get dressed.  In honor of the impending cold snap, I search for a clean sweater, and eventually discover one that my parents bought me for Christmas some years ago.  It was clearly purchased before they moved to Texas because, even before I lost the 10 pounds, it was still at least one size too large and makes me look like a mustard colored burlap sack.  However, today we are going with function above form, following the trend set by world-famous survivalist Jake Gyllenehaal in the documentary film The Day After Tomorrow:

jake-gyllenhaal-london-hat

See?  If Jake can sport an outfit that reveals no muscle definition whatsoever, so can I.

6:54 am: Sitting outside of Beverly’s house.  It takes her longer than usual to come out to get in the car this morning, because she is clearly working up the nerve to set forth in the malstrøm and dodge the sunbeams that are beginning to fall outside.

7:10 am: Realizing that I am driving too fast for conditions, I reduce my speed to 72 miles per hour (114 km/h).  This adds at least 2 minutes to my commuting time this morning, but it’s important to drive safe!  Arrive alive!

7:26 am: Walking from the garage to campus.  It is chilly this morning.  The guy who’s not homeless but wants everyone to think he is who usually sets up behind Einstein’s Bagels is nowhere to be seen.  I hope that he has managed to find a shelter for the not-homeless-but-wanting-others-to-think-they-are.

7:35 am: In the office.  It was a tough last sprint across the West Mall to my building, what with the grounds services golf carts whizzing by, but I did make it here.  Lisa has already begun prepping for the cold weather by cleaning out the oven, which has been left a mess by a previous user/staff member.  This is very wise of her — clearly we may need the electric stove as a heating device if the power goes out once the deluge has begun.

7:55 am: Typing these words.  Outside the window, I can see that it is cloudy.  This is clearly a very bad sign — much worse than it has been on every other cloudy day this week.

8:15 am: The men with the leafblowers are out in the pass-through between my building and the next (which once served as the setting for Café d’Amour in the first Spy Kids movie).  Clearly they have been apprised of the danger that can result from snow falling on top of leaves.  I’m not sure what it is, myself, but as landscaping professionals, it’s their job to know these things.

8:28 am: Discover that emergency provisions are already stocked in the front office: two bags of Chips Ahoy™ and one of Pecan Sandies™.  Skeptics may suggest that they are, in fact, left over from Professor E’s final-class-of-the-year celebration yesterday, but that’s just crazy talk.  Lisa continues preparation of baked goods for this afternoon’s Survivalist Training/Birthday Celebration.

9:14 am: Correction: Provisions are one bag of Chips Ahoy™ and two bags of Pecan Sandies™.  Please make a note of this. This is, of course, in addition to the banana bread that Lisa has made, along with the molasses cookies that are apparently on schedule to be made at noon.

Looking out the office window, I can see that we now have a lower cloud cover than we did earlier.  Possibly this is due to the impending snow.  Possibly this is due to the arrival of the alien/Snuggie™ vanguard that I described in yesterday’s post.  Will investigate further.

The Statesman is reporting that “some” snow flurries have been seen in some parts of Central Texas, and that San Antonio may see a light dusting.  I shall keep the brave people of San Antonio in my prayers.

9:28 am: Discover that #Austinsnow is now being hashed on Twitter.  I have to join Twitter to do this, but the feed is too damned amusing not to share:


10:07 am: Take a break from perusing postings about the first harbingers of wintery doom–is Skol preparing to eat the sun and invoke the long winter known as Fimbulvetr?–to notice that the clouds are looking far more sinister now than they did an hour ago.  At least a five on the Scale of Sinistry, up from a four and a half.

Kim suggests that the gravity of the situation requires that the word “aught” be worked into the title, and that we should refer to this as the “Great Blizzard of Aught-Nine.”  What say you?

10:15 am: Realize that I left my iPod in my car.  In the movies, the guy who goes back for something never, ever lives until the end.  (Well, except in the Final Destination movies, but then Death spends the whole movie trying to catch up.)  Not falling for it.  Take that, Law of Murphy!

11:13 am: Fear not, dear readers!  I remain as fervently committed to bringing you updates as they develop.

It has transpired that one of the bags of Pecan Sandies™ has been devoured by inconsiderate coworkers who do not realize the strategic value that they will play in our survival should the worst be realized and we become stranded in the building.  An investigation with possible court martial is under way.

According to #Austinsnow, the earlier rogue flakes have abated.  We remain poised for a resurgence.

It is very cold in my office.  Am contemplating putting on gloves.

11:32 am: Confirm with Ray that he made it to work safely.  Breathe sigh of relief.

11:47 am: Cabin fever has clearly set in amongst the staff.  Food is being anthropomorphised:

apple

Also, the Chips Ahoy™ are stale.  We will put them on the back burner for now.

12:12 pm: Hearing Christmas carols being sung on the West Mall.  Assume there’s irony involved in any song mentioning snow.  The Statesman is now claiming that the snow is “on the way,” downgraded from the “it’s already falling” that we got earlier.

Am off to dodge air molecules on the way to find lunch.  Pray for me.

12:26 pm: Back from acquiring food.  Bitter cold, grey skies, no snow.

There was, however, a young man in front of Goldsmith Hall wearing what is either a very large paper boat or a paper papal hat on his head.  Not sure what the purpose is, other than to make people stop and stare.  Which we did.

12:37 pm: Have met the first person today who claims to have seen at least several snowflakes.  There is much praising of his survival instincts.  He has clearly suffered emotional trauma (but not enough to get me to cancel the panel presentation in 23 minutes in which he is supposed to deliver a talk in Persian).

12:53 pm: Ray calls to tell me that it is “snowing heavily” in Round Rock.  The office moves to Defcom 2 in preparation for the snow to begin falling.

12:57 pm: SNOW!!!!!!  There’s at least 15 flakes out there.

1:05 pm: Photographic evidence that the onslaught has begun:

snow

It’s kind of hard to see, but you can definitely tell if you look under the trees.  There’s a small possibility that some of it’s dust on the window that I shot through, but some of it is definitely snow flakes.

1:47 pm: And now the sun’s out.

1:51 pm: The Statesman is now reporting that winter weather advisory that had been issued for today … has been canceled.

I didn’t even get to go out in it: I’m trapped in my office because there’s a lecture going on outside.  Poop.  On the other hand, it’s a nice sunny day now!  And I left my sunglasses at home.

2:43 pm: My journalistic efforts have been foiled by the final presentations of one of the Persian classes going on in the room outside my office, however, I assure you, I will continue to cover the story until my last breath.  Or until it’s time to go home for the day, one or the other.

2:56 pm: BREAKING NEWS: the baked goods that have been added to the stockpile of supplies in the office include banana bread, chocolate ginger cookies, and both Irish and English breakfast tea.

I have learned from this blizzard that the primary difference between Irish and English breakfast tea is that the former is caffeinated, the latter is not.  (At least, that’s according to the HEB in-store brand — I can’t help thinking that’s not actually correct, but I’m not a tea-o-phile, so can not confirm.)

I have also learned that the air filter on the LCD projector needs to be changed.  I didn’t know it had an air filter and that it could be changed.  Things our sales reps forgot to tell us.  I wonder if this will affect the quality of the breathable oxygen in the event that we become trapped up here.  There are at least two clouds that I don’t like the look of visible from where I’m sitting right now, and that’s before I turn my head too much.  I have a feeling this isn’t over yet, dagnabbit.

3:36 pm: I am startled to see that there is ice buildup on the roof of Goldsmith Hall, which I can see from my office window.  It’s blue and shimmery and … oh, wait.  It’s someone’s jacket.  In fact, now that I look at the photo I took at 1:05, I can see that it was there then, too.

Never mind.

4:07 pm: Whoa!  I’ve gone viral — 600 hits in the past two hours.  Who knew?  The pressure’s on!  (OK, I know I’m supposed to be all Ocean’s 11-style cool and act like this is so <yawn> boring, but I’m just a touch too neurotic for that).

In weather related news, we’re holding at 39 degrees F / 3 degrees C with bright, practically cloudless skies.  I do so hope that the roads have been plowed and salted before I head home–I’d hate to drive in unsafe conditions.  My palms get a little sweaty just thinking about it.

4:23 pm: Time to start powering things down and head out into the wilds.  I shall check in again once I have arrived in the wilds of Round Rock, across the moors of Pflugerville and the towering craggy peaks of Tarrytown.

Stay strong, fellow commuters!  Man shall always persevere over Mother Nature.  (I mean, just look at the Domain.)

4:35 pm: On leaving the building, I see the measures that my fellow Austinites have gone to in order to protect themselves from the blustery weather.  One young fellow is wearing a dark suit, but has elected for the protection of white athletic socks.  Clearly, desperate times call for desperate measures.  Later, I will see another young man so affected by the cold weather that he has had to pull his boardshorts down in order to cover his mid-calf, exposing a considerable amount of plaid boxer short above the waistline.  I feel for him.

4:50 pm: Apparently, the snow has caused a short circuit in the gate at the parking garage.  One poor woman sits there with a line of cars behind her, and is finally forced to back up and go to the pay station in order to make her ticket work.  It’s very sad that such desperate measures need to be taken in order to complete such mundane tasks.

5:02 pm: MoPac expressway.  Cars moving much slower than the posted speed limit.  Possibly due to the weather.  I can think of no other reason why traffic heading north out of Austin would be moving so slowly at 5 pm on a Friday afternoon, especially the weekend before the Red River Shootout in Dallas.  It just boggles the mind.

5:35 pm: I  arrive home and begin searching for things to cover the plants in order to protect them from tonight’s deep freeze.  I now have a basket full of habanero peppers (seriously, what am I going to do with so many habaneros?  I might have to make salsa for the office Chrismukkah gifts.  But, oh no, I’ve said too much.

5:45 pm: I send Ray out to Home Depot so that I can wrap the Christmas gifts that came in the mail today.  I hope they didn’t get wet.

6:03 pm: Gifts wrapped, Ray happily off at Home Depot, I sit in front of the television, open my laptop, and blog this, the last of my updates.  At 6 pm, the winter weather advisory has expired, and I, for one, am considering myself very lucky–very lucky indeed–to have managed to survive the Great Blizzard of 2009.

LiveBlogging has now ended.  Please remain seated until the vehicle has come to a complete stop.  Don’t forget to search under the seat in front and in the overhead bins of you for any belongings you may have brought on board, and have a nice day in town, or wherever your final destination may be.  Drive safe!

Rest and Relaxation

Thursday, August 20th, 2009

My wanderings around the state have come to an end, and not a moment too soon.  I do enjoy the traveling, but there comes a point when you’re in yet another hotel chain that looks like any other hotel chain (LaQuinta?  Fairfield Inn?  Hampton Inn?  Is there a difference?) when you realize that you simply can’t face one more morning with Faux News blaring in the background over another styrofoam plate and plastic fork breakfast featuring KAW-FEE brand coffee bean product and individually wrapped English Muffins (which are neither English nor muffins.  Discuss).

There is the occasional quirkiness to be had.  Despite the fact that San Angelo–which only two years ago was proudly putting in all of its tourist literature that it had the highest murder rate west of the Mississippi between 1850 and 1870–is now trying to bill itself as the culture capitol of the Panhandle Plains (a title that is disputed by … well, no one), the town is relatively uninteresting.  A tour around town on a Sunday evening revealed a frightening number of businesses with Christian names (such as: Bible Automotive.  I’m not kidding.) and a dearth of business actually open to the public.  After eating Mexican food from a restaurant that clearly used to be a service station (the food wasn’t bad — Bobby Flay had apparently been there at one point), Natalie and I wound up at Baskin Robbins … along with half the town because, as I may have mentioned, there was nothing else open at 7 pm on a Sunday.

Then there was the unexplained psychedelic van (above) that I stopped to photograph on the way out of town.  And this place:

This place practices false advertising: there are no man’s for sale in the man’s shop.

My most recent trip ended a scant three hours ago with a flourish and flutter (literally: the woman sitting next to me apparently cramming for a medical school exam who had refused four requests to put away her book and notes for landing seemed surprised when it all flew up the aisle upon touchdown.  That’ll learn her).

We were over in El Paso, the one place in the state that, it is regularly agreed upon, we must fly to.  I’ve heard rumors that you can drive it in under eight hours now, with the speed limit on I-10 through west Texas now legally at 80 miles per hour, but I’m more happy to reduce it to an hour and twenty minutes on Southwest Airlines.

I have always liked going to El Paso — in fact, I’ve enjoyed all of our trips to the border area, both in West Texas and down in the Rio Grande Valley (for the uninitiated among you, even though technically El Paso is on the Rio Grande, the term “Rio Grande Valley” seems to only apply to the part between Laredo and Brownsville, on the Gulf of Mexico).  We usually get groups that are really energetic and happy to learn, and this was the case with our session yesterday.  One of the guys was so enthusiastic that he engaged me in conversation in the men’s room.  I am not a particular fan of the conversation-while-I-pee.  If you see me in the men’s room, please don’t strike up a conversation until I’m at the sink, OK?

It’s also saying something about the sort of people that Natalie and I are that we kept coming back to the five or so really negative evaluations we collected at the end of the day.  There were 68 people in the room–our largest audience ever.  The vibe was overwhelmingly positive, but we still kept coming back to those negative ones.  I think somehow we just need to validate that the criticism isn’t valid–we’ve gotten unenthusiastic comments before, but this time the people who didn’t like us really didn’t like us, and they weren’t shy about expressing it.

At the end of the day, though, this last trip was a good note to end the late summer training sessions on.  We had a new audience, and they seemed to be happy with what we were doing.  The people who invited us were effervescent.  And then it was off to have a nice drink in the historic Dome Bar in the lobby of our hotel, the historic Hotel Paso del Norte.

And now … I’m home.  Next up is a trip to a conference in San Juan, Puerto Rico toward the end of September.  Technically it’s work.  I just wonder if I can put sunscreen on my expense account :D

So You’re Back, Then?

Sunday, July 26th, 2009

It’s been over a week since my last blog post.  This probably makes me a Bad Blogger, but whatevs.

It’s also been a little over a week since I flew back from the Middle East.  I had a slow weekend that involved going few places and seeing no one, and then it was time to go to work on Monday.  Needless to say, as I mentioned in my last post, returning to work was not something that I was actively looking forward to.

My office was a mess.  I had been running a workshop right up until I left and had left a couple of piles of things in my office to deal with when I got back.  Normally, when I go on vacation, I try to leave the house or my office in as good a shape as possible, so that when I come back I don’t have exactly the kind of reaction that I had when I walked into my office on Monday: “Oh, fuck.”

My office is still a mess.  There’s still workplace drama.  It’s like the never ending cycle of birth, death, rebirth, and the occasional Bollywood epic describing it.

What my being out of the way has meant, however, is that I haven’t been able to touch base on what one friend called Celebrity Death Fest 2009.  (Yeah, it’s kind of a tasteless term … but it does have its merits.)

All over the Middle East, the one thing everyone wanted to talk about was Michael Jackson … but not for the reason that I thought.  In addition to the obvious question (“What do you think about Michael Jackson dying?”  Seriously, folks, what answer is there to that question??) came this stumper: “Was Michael Jackson Muslim?”

Before you give yourself whiplash trying to figure out where that question came from, lemme ‘splain: when Jermaine made the public announcement of MJ’s passing, he ended with a prayer to ‘almighty Allah.’  Jermaine is Muslim.  Michael … I never heard nothing about.

However, since the Muslim world loves a good conspiracy theory bar none (they include themselves–most of the theories involved local politicians I’ve never heard of, and some of them weren’t about which ones had slept with Sylvio Berlusconi), this was immediately taken as a Sign that the entire Jackson family was Muslim and that the Islam-hating Western media had covered it up.

Clearly they’ve never seen Janet.  Or maybe they ought to, I dunno–depends on whether you think Islam is pro- or anti-feminist … and whether you think Janet is pro- or anti-feminist.  She’d certainly present a different face of Muslim women than a woman in a burqa, that’s for darned sure.

In one of my more sardonic moments, I responded to someone in the Istanbul bazaar, “Right now, the public face of your religion is Osama bin Laden.  Do you really think a gender neutral accused child molester is a step in the right direction?”  Fortunately for me, his English wasn’t good enough to understand most of what I said.  (It was kind of tasteless … even if there’s just the faintest hint of truth in there.)

As for what I think … well, the sad truth was that the likelihood was that his story wasn’t going to end well.  I feel sorry for the guy.  He was surrounded his entire life by people that wanted stuff from him, and he was always alone.

I never got asked what I thought about Farah Fawcett, Billy Mays, Karl Malden, or Ed McMahon.

Anyway.  It’s still hotter than blue blazes here in Texas (everyone in Turkey kept apologizing for the heat–I finally had to break out with, “It’s 44 at home!  It’s only 36 here!  We’re loving it!”), with no end in sight.  If anyone has sway with the Powers that Be, some rain would be great, mmkay?

And maybe some throat lozenges … I think my long-anticipated summer cold might finally be materializing.

Vignettes

Sunday, July 19th, 2009

I’m back home in Austin.  I flew home on Friday, a long day that involved a lot of nodding off in odd places.  I had to leave for the airport at 1 am, so there wasn’t any actual sleep (I tried to nap a little in my hotel room, but I kept jerking awake out of fear that I’d oversleep).

As usual, the Cairo Airport luggage cart mafia got the last word: As I was standing in line to go through security (in many international gateways, you have to go through X-ray with your luggage before you get to check-in), I was asked which airline I was flying.

“Turkish,” I said.
“This line is for Olympic,” he said.  (For the record: this is BS.  The ticket lobby is wide open once you go through security — there is no “this line is for this airline, and that line is for that airline.”)  I knew where this was going, but before I could stop him, he’d grabbed my luggage and started walking at an extremely fast pace across the terminal to the next checkpoint over.
“You give me money now,” he said.”  He wound up with 1 Egyptian pound and 1 US dollar — the last cash I had on me.

I may have mentioned this before, but it’s worth saying again: I hate Cairo Airport.  It’s a pit of snakes.

Fortunately, there were better moments on this trip.

Al-Azhar at Night

One evening, I suggested to a friend who hadn’t seen much of the city besides the campus where he was studying and the apartment where he lived that we visit the old city in the evening.  The snakes who run the Khan al-Khalili bazaar tend to be a little less venomous toward the end of the day.  Shortly out of the cab, I wandered over to the newly restored area between the Wikala and Madrassa of Sultan al-Ghori, which I hadn’t seen since the restoration was complete.  While looking at the new roof over the area, a man wandered over to us and struck up a conversation.  His English wasn’t the best, so the conversation took place primarily in Arabic.

It turned out that he was working on the restoration project, and after a few moments, he offered to show us around.  I’m normally leery of offers like this as they tend to end with a bill being produced, but he seemed pretty genuine and kept insisting that he wasn’t doing it for baksheesh.

For the next two hours, we wandered the back streets south of al-Azhar mosque.  Granted, he showed us a lot of craft workshops that made things neither of us were interested in buying, but it didn’t seem to bother him.

The only point where money entered into the conversation was when we went down to Bab Zuwayla, the southern gate to old Cairo that dates from 970 AD.  The mosque of Shaykh Moizz li-din Allah adjoins the bab, and for a little bribing, you can get the caretaker to let you up on the roof.

_MG_3752

As we were up on top of the mosque, with its view of the old city and the cliffs of Muqattam that border Cairo to the east, the muezzins began making the call to prayer (the azan).  From our vantage point, you could hear muzzein after muezzin chanting from the city’s four thousand mosques, the sounds echoing off of each other and weaving into a great chant that is, to me, one of the most quintessential sounds of Egypt: prayer, street activity, and traffic.  How Cairo.

As we descended, he asked us to make a donation to the mosque, which we were happy to do.  After that, it was back to the main street where he’d met us, with a handshake and a good bye.  I gave him a little Austin lapel pin that I had left over from the trip to Turkey, and with that we were on our way.

The next day, I returned to the old city on my own to wander all over creation and shoot some photos.  I came on my own deliberately, as I know my interest in architecture and little alleyways is not shared by many … OK, most … of my friends.  I’ve learned that it’s better to just come on my own.

There was a slightly ugly incident near Bab al-Nasir, one of the two northern gates of the city.  As I was passing a small food stall, the guy working the fry station practically threw a piece of ta’amiyya (Egyptian felafel — it’s made with fava beans instead of chick peas) at me.  The next thing I knew, I was being bodily pulled into the restaurant, made to sit at a table, and plates of food that I didn’t want were placed in front of me.  I just wasn’t hungry, and I wasn’t entirely comfortable, as I imagined that this exchange was going to end with an outrageous bill being presented.  I wasn’t wrong.

The conversation started off nicely enough, with the usual, “Where are you from?  What’s your name?” questions, and a bit of bizarre cross cultural communication took place when it was revealed that I apparently have the same first name as The Undertaker from WCW(?).  There was a moment of admiration of the bandana that I carry as a sweat rag.  This is nothing new, and I’ve learned to carry spares.  These were given out -  I had enough for all the guys in the stand, but then things got ugly.

“I’ve got a kid,” said one of the guys.  “What do you have for him?”
“Um … ” I looked in my camera bag.  To my shock, he actually reached in and pulled something out, and I smacked his hand, and snarled at him.  The phrase Leh keddah literally means “What’s this?” but said the right way it connotes “WTF, dude?”  I eventually parted with a hotel pen that I’d picked up somewhere in my travels, and then decided it was time to make my exit.  I was presented with a bill for 30 pounds ($6 – which is probably a 500% inflation over what a local would have paid) and then everyone started asking for a tip.  Fortunately, by this time, I was far enough outside the restaurant that they couldn’t block my way, so I pretended I couldn’t understand and walked away.

I was irritated by this experience, and kept trying to calm myself down by reminding myself that I hadn’t spent that much, when a woman wearing a niqab (the face veil with a slit for the eyes) came up to me, motioning with her hands.  She was a beggar.

The guys at the restaurant had taken all of my small bills, and I just didn’t have anything.  I did, however, have a bag of leftover ta’amiya and french fries.  “I don’t have any money,” I said.  “Would you like food?”

She looked at me, puzzled.  “You speak Arabic?”  (This was an odd comment, considering that I’d spoken to her in Arabic, but I’m used to it.  There’s something about looking the way I do and speaking Arabic that just causes brains to short circuit all over Egypt).
“Yeah.”
This was followed by the usual questions about where I was from, etc., and I gave her the food and headed off.  At which point she asked me if I wanted to take her photo — a bit of a startling question from a woman in a face veil!

I headed down through the Khan al-Khalili as quickly as possible and crossed the bridge to the relative safety of the other side.  My plan was to walk down through Bab Zuwayla and then down through the Khan of the tentmakers and through the neighborhood beyond.

This is an area that’s not frequented by foreigners, but if my presence caused any consternation, it didn’t show.  A couple of boys asked me to take their photo.

Boys

I’m ashamed that I don’t remember their names.

The only incident happened further down the street.  I stopped to snap a photo of a mosque, and the guy working at a street cart selling pots and pans, asked me, “What are you taking a photo of?  I don’t want any photos of me!”
“I took a photo of the mosque,” I said.
“The mosque?” he asked.  I showed him on the LCD panel on my camera, and suddenly the scowl was replaced with a big smile and a thumbs up.

And that was it.  So much for the seething anti-Americanism on the Arab street.

Even that night, when my friend and I came back to see the Sufis and visit the newly lit up monuments north of the Khan al-Khalili, it was a mixture of ignorance and cheerful questions.  And the monuments do look incredible at night.

Shari'a Moizz at Night.

And so.  When I got to Cairo, I remembered thinking, “How am I going to fill up this time?”  By the time it was over, it seemed like it went so quickly.

Which is not to say that I wasn’t ready to come home.  Probably the ugliest moment on the entire trip occurred the morning before I left, in the form of an e-mail from work.  Someone on the organizing committee of a conference I’m working on sent a message that was so ugly that it actually brought tears to my eyes.  By the time I saw the message, several others had weighed in, and there was a message from my boss asking me not to respond to it because, “I’ve already told her in no uncertain terms that this message is completely unacceptable.”   Even so, it put me in an absolutely foul mood, and my brain has been wandering back to it ever since (12 hour flights are great for stewing).  It was a nasty reminder of things waiting for me when I go back to work tomorrow.

And so.  I have vague memories of the plane taking off from Cairo at 3:30 am on Friday, and equally vague memories of the plane landing in Istanbul.  I found a bench to sleep for part of the 6 hour layover in Istanbul and conked out again for a good chunk of the flight from Istanbul to Chicago.  (The two bottles of wine served with lunch might have helped).

And now, I’m home where it’s hotter than it was in Egypt!  But I’m happy to be back with Ray and Mocha and not spending a lot of money all the time — Egypt has gotten significantly more expensive over the past couple of years.  The economic recession has not been kind there.

All the same … well, I’m not planning my next trip back yet, but it’s always in the back of my mind.  That’s just kind of the way I am.

 

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