It’s time for another round of “search term fun,” where I pull up Google Analytics and look at all the search terms that have somehow managed to bring people to this site. Sometimes it’s fun. Sometimes, it’s a little scary … Also, I’m dawdling on putting together the presentation I have to give this week.

Ready? Let’s go!

As tired as I am of the subject, Christian Chavez-related terms still lead the way. We’ll ignore those.

There are several misspelled search terms: ‘pron,’ for example. I assume you mean ‘porn,’ and you might want to specify what kind of porn you’re looking for. If you can’t spell it, you might still be young enough to not be aware of the fact that there’s all sorts of porn out there, and some of it might make you cry if you’re not fully prepared. I’m just saying.

Several people looking for syllabi from courses taught by professors I know. Dudes, have you tried just e-mailing them?

“Is Zachary Quinto gay?” [Sylar on Heroes]

Photos like the above to the contrary, I don’t think so, but anyone can be gay these days. That’s sort of the point. To all the folks that feel the need to send nasty messages about this or leave ridiculous comments (which are now disabled anyway): The above image is a still from a very bad television show that starred Tori Spelling. ZQ was playing a *role*. I don’t care whether you think he’s gay or straight. I don’t care whether he IS gay or straight. Stop sending me messages about it.

(Thanks to Andy Towle for finding these.)

Is Zachary Quinto Jewish?
I … have no idea. He’s half-Italian and half-Irish, so my guess would be that he’s Catholic, but anything is possible…

“Is Eros Ramazzotti gay?”
I’m almost 100% sure he’s not. He’s been linked to every supermodel in Europe and has a kid. If he’s hiding something, he’s doing a really good job of it. Sometimes, you know, they’re actually straight. It’s OK. There’s lots of superstars who are.

Here’s one: “How to pronounce Mma Ramotswe”
Well, I don’t speak Setswana, but the lady who does the audio books certainly sounds like she knows what she’s doing when she runs through all of those names, so here goes: it’s “mm” as in “mmm, cookies!” with an “ah” at the end. “mm-ah”

I assume it was the “Mma” part that was giving you problems. “Ramotswe” is pretty straightforward – the ending is pronounced “way,” not “we.”

So: “mmah rah-MOATS-way.”

“texas gay egypt arabic university blog mexico greek”
Hey, you found me!

“legal to email photos of shirtless boys?”
It depends on how old the boy is. You know, in general, if you have to ask …

“antonio bandera penis almodovar”
OK, to begin with: it’s Banderas, and the man’s first name is Pedro, not penis.

Check out “Law of Desire” (“La ley del deseo“). It has all of those correctly spelled elements in it.

God’s e-mail address in Saudi Arabia oil company
I’m guessing “God” is someone’s nickname. You might have better luck if you try his real name.

If you’re trying to actually reach HaShem Jehovah Allah, you’d do well to try one of the Western Wall delivery services.

List of detective agencies in Bombay directory
Try … the Bombay phone book? If such a creature doesn’t exist (they’ve got one for Cairo now, so there must be one for Bombay/Mumbai), try Google India.

Zamalek Egypt Abu Seed
Great food. The service is horrific, but the food makes up for it. You need reservations pretty much any night of the week. The same guys run L’Aubergine and Cafe Tabasco, which are also both in Zamalek. (Be warned: there’s no sign – it’s got an elaborately carved door, but it does look like you’re about to walk into someone’s house.)

Is there sand dunes off the coast of Jeddah, Saudi Arabia?
No. There’s a coral reef, but no sand dunes.

Pictures of Egypt in the summer
Interestingly enough, Egypt looks the same in the winter as it does in the summer.

Geek porn free photos
OK, I’m a little scared now. Is this the type where she wears a pocket protector and nothing else?

Here’s a few other ones that I don’t quite know what to do with:
“Austin body shave” — sad part is that I can think of a few places …
“passing car bomb” — I don’t wanna think about it.
“Christian Chavez since when was gay” — since birth. Duh.
“Bad rock Agia Napa” — I’ve been to Agia Napa. I haven’t been to music clubs there, but I’m going to guess that there’s a lot of bad rock music there. Unless you’re looking for the village whose name means “Wicked stones,” in which case you should try looking for “Kakopetria.” If you don’t plan to rent a car, forget it, though, as it’s at least two hours away and public transport is pretty non-existent in Cyprus.
“Quentin Tarantino man-love Robert Rodriguez” — Um, OK …
“Scat porn Paris Hilton” — aaaaand I’m done.