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About Ramblings of a Hopeless Khowaga

Welcome to my Web site. My name is Chris, and I’ll be your host. I live in Austin, Texas, with my partner, Ray, and our child dog, Mocha. You can read more about me, learn 100 random things about me, and if you’re wondering what the heck a khowaga is, click here. Feel free to browse, read, and leave comments!

Tag: ‘machines’



Why machines won’t win … this week, anyway

Friday, May 15th, 2009

I’ve previously mentioned my addiction to Web stats, so we’re not going to rehash that…

Whilst killing time, I decided to check my latest stats on Google Webmaster Tools (not to be confused with Google Analytics, which is, like, totally different).  Webmaster Tools isn’t as pretty as Analytics, but there’s some good stuff in there.

Webmaster Tools is where you set up Google to crawl your site.  I have long maintained that there is a reason why human editors will never be replaced by machines (anyone who’s ever tried to use Google Translate knows that), and, well, here’s why:

volvo

Here’s a quick Google-to-English translation.  This Keywords function lists the “most common keywords Google found when crawling your site.”

And the keyword in the number one spot is “Volvo.”

VOLVO??

When the heck have I ever mentioned a Volvo in my blog?  Out of curiosity … and because I really am trying to avoid work that much … I pulled up my blog and … well, it’s just as I suspected:

nothing-found

And that, children, is why Terminator and Battlestar Galactica only exist within the realm of science fiction.

Or, perhaps the Volvo corporation is hooking up with Google to insert themselves into ever Web site on Earth.  And now I’m thinking that learning Swedish may be just the ticket to fooling the machines: Jag är en maskin också, kamrat.

And it’s Friday … and I want a nap in the worst way.  Happy weekend, ever’body!

My Civic Duty

Thursday, October 30th, 2008

On Tuesday night, Ray and I decided to exercise our civic duty and went to vote.  Here in Texas, we have early voting, and in our county (which is, I’ve learned, purple on the political map — not as red as some would like it to be, and not as blue either) all early voting is done on electronic voting machines.

I’ve read the stories about the voting machines and the errors and whatnot, but the experience seemed to be error free.  This shouldn’t be confused with “it was easy.”  No, with only four voting machines, we waited in line for nearly 10 minutes, and by the time we left, the line extended out of the room where voting was being held, around the corner, and was starting to snake down the hall.

I had a whiplash moment when a woman in front of us asked if the print could be made larger because she has difficulty seeing.  “No,” said the perky, helpful volunteer, “but we have a magnifying sheet you can use.”  I don’t know whether the woman was able to finally read for herself because my turn came next and my back was to her, but while I was standing there, the volunteer seemed to be reading the screen to her.

Seriously–at however many thousand dollars a pop, you’d think that one of the things they could work into the voting machines is the ability to make the font larger and, I dunno, text to speech.  Where’s the ADA when you need them?

I grow weary of this political campaign and am desperate for it to end.  Yesterday, Sarah Palin went after Obama for being associates with Rashid Khalidi, a professor at Columbia who, according to CNN, is “a harsh critic of U.S. foreign policy toward Israel and has accused the country of ‘occupying’ Palestinian territories.”  Apparently CNN is so afraid of the neocons that they have to put “occupying” in quotes because there’s no consensus on this point?  Give me a break.

By the way, in case anyone missed it, al-Qaeda is endorsing McCain.

I’m ready for it to be over, one way or the other.  I know which way I’d prefer (in case it’s not obvious), but it’s been four years of ridiculousness on the campaign trail, and four years of ridiculousness in the White House.  Either way, it’s going to be a 50% reduction in the ridiculous factor.

Are you ready?  I know I am.

A Tale of Two Tahoes

Sunday, October 8th, 2006

Picking up where I left off yesterday.

Natalie and I spent our Friday night at a local brew pub, trying to escape the curse of the overpriced casino restaurants. Because Lake Tahoe is a resort area, everything seems to be ridiculously overpriced (including gasoline, even though that just appears to be a California/Nevada thing). At some point in the evening, we discovered that the state line literally runs right next to the hotel where we’re staying – the street alongside is Stateline Blvd, and it helpfully demarcates the California/Nevada state line. On this side is Stateline, Nevada – on that side, South Lake Tahoe, California, both at an elevation of 6,285 feet above sea level.

The Tahoe Brewery and Restaurant was kind of a neat place, and more to the point we discovered that civilization does not, in fact, end at the casino block where we’re staying as it appears to on the drive down from Reno. There are a number of neat little places down the street on the California side — true to the California nature, many of them advertise sushi as a local specialty. There are certain things I don’t come to mountain resorts to eat, and sushi is one of them (although truth be told, I’m not a huge fan of sushi overall).l

Today (Saturday) after a morning session featuring a very nice but very very gay speaker and a nun who wouldn’t shut up (these are the sorts of weird juxtapositions that occur in teacher conferences: the bitchy gay man from the textbook company trying to deal with the hyperactive nun from a Catholic school), Natalie and I drove back over to the California side to Emerald Bay, which claims to be the most photographed spot in the world. I have no idea how they could possibly have arrived at that figure, since I don’t know how you’d track it (and, speaking frankly, I don’t recall seeing photographs of Emerald Bay before). But it was a nice drive – us and the Californians driving down from Sacramento to spend a brisk autumn afternoon along the lake.

Tahoe-1-1

I have a soft spot for coniferous forests – I think they’re neat. This is probably because I grew up in Ohio, where we had neither mountains nor coniferous forest.

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This is Emerald Bay, leading into Lake Tahoe at the narrow straight above. As I said, they (whoever “they” turn out to be) claim this is the most photographed spot in the world. I question that.

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They have neat rocks up here, too.

Tahoe-4-1

Get me some sheep and it’s like Brokeback Mountain…

After our trip out to Emerald Bay, we headed back into Stateline to get ready for our afternoon session at the conference. Natalie had noticed that attendance seemed to be down today, and swore that we’d have only three people attending our session. She was wrong; we had 8, which wasn’t dismal, but I still found it disappointing. We have good stuff to offer, but I think that we didn’t advertise the session terribly well. Had we known we could have put a specific session breakdown in the program, we probably would have gotten a lot more people. The eight who showed up seemed duly impressed. I have high hopes for our sessions in Fort Worth next weekend.

As soon as the session was over, we dropped our stuff and got back in the truck to head over the mountain to the town of Genoa, Nevada, which claims to have been the first settlement in the state back in 1851. I can neither confirm nor deny this as I don’t know the first thing about Nevada history. Our destination was the Tahoe Ridge winery, which advertises in all of the Lake Tahoe area fliers. Natalie and I have an appreciation for good wine, so we were curious to see what Nevada wineries have to offer. After all, no one has ever heard of Texas wine, and there is actually some pretty damned good Texas wine out there if you know where to look — and it’s a nice way to spend a fall day, driving out into the Hill Country west of Austin and touring the various wineries. Ray usually ends up driving on those trips, since he doesn’t care for wine, and Natalie and I get a little toasty on occasion.

Tahoe-5-1

Genoa, Nevada, is a cute little town that some might call “quaint” or “rustic.” It’s barely large enough to warrant a stop sign, let alone asking drivers along the highway (which I only know as Nevada Highway “To US 395″) to slow down to 35 miles per hour as they pass through:

Tahoe-6

The owners of the winery were a fun bunch – it was like a party atmosphere with lots of laughter and funny stories being swapped back and forth, and we spent quite a while there. We’d been in a little bit of a hurry because it claimed to close at 5, but we were there until 5:30, and the front door was still wide open for business.

We got out of there with 6 bottles of wine in tow (they’re coming FedEx, thus solving the problem of how we’re supposed to get them back to Austin). We’ve already figured out which ones will go with Thanksgiving dinner: Ray and I usually have friends over to share the meal at our house; Natalie is on our standing invite list, and her sister will be in town as well. Plus, this takes care of the wine selection – usually we have to head out toward Johnson City to see what Texas Hills Vinyard has on offer this season. It’s been a couple of years since their awesome Syrah has been for sale, and Tahoe Ridge has something that will fit the bill (and it goes well with dark chocolate. Now all we need is dark chocolate).

Tahoe-7

Back to Tahoe we came, and I spent part of the evening teaching Natalie how to play video poker. She did all right for a beginner, only losing $2 (I always play the 5 cent machines). I actually recouped my $2 investment, meaning that my overall loss for this trip is only $3.

We had dinner at Cabo Wabo, the Tahoe branch of a restaurant that Sammy Hagar apparently founded in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. The food was reasonably priced (particularly for a restaurant in a casino), but I must admit that I was a bit disappointed: the photos on the casino Web site promised hunky shirtless bartenders, and there were no hunky shirtless bartenders on offer. I shall, of course, be filing a grievance with Mr. Hagar himself about this.

In the morning we have time to sleep in, but then it’s back off toward Reno to catch our flight home. I get to spend all of two and a half days in the office before heading off to the next conference – it’s a busy time of year for me. I’m glad we decided to come out here, though – the conference was actually rather well put together and exciting — exciting enough to make us want to put in to present at next year’s gathering in Oklahoma City, and that should say something (no offense to anyone who lives in Oklahoma City).

And so, it’s Saturday night and my eyes are tired, and so I shall sign off here with the promise of another long day of travel ahead of me, and hope that I don’t accidentally forget to put my toothpaste in my carry on where it doesn’t belong…

Au revoir, Corky

Thursday, September 7th, 2006

Thursday morning, which means it’s time for the weekly wrap-up of last night’s Project Runway.  It’s like Desperate Housewives, only without the hunky gardener and with bitchy people instead.  (Is anyone else alarmed that there’s only one gay guy left?  In a fashion competition?  What is the world coming to?)

We pick up this week where we left off last week, in the sweltering work room of Parsons Paris.  Not even the Project Runway producers are sadistic enough to make their contestants begin working on a new project moments after stepping off of an all-night transatlantic flight.  Instead, we get to follow them to their little hotel rooms and around Paris.  Oh, look, le Tour Eiffel.  Montmartre.  The Louvre.  Jaques Cousteau.  Bla bla bla.

There’s a hysterical story on Tim’s Take about Vincent the vegan who decided to have lamb for dinner (!).

Guest judge Catherine Malandrino is back, and apparently the producers decided that it would be better to subtitle her awful English rather than just let her speak French and subtitle that instead (she seems to know about three dozen words in English – her use of the word “interesting” is, well, interesting).

This week’s challenge is to have our designers create faux couture dress (because they’re not licensed by the French government, it can’t be real couture, which also means that they’re allowed to use sewing machines).

Off they all trudge to the fashion store where they get to spend €300, which is about $375, but in Paris is probably worth about 75 cents because it’s so bloody expensive there.  The bitching starts quickly: Kayne is designing yet another over-the-top pageant dress, Uli’s got a nightgown in the works, Michael doesn’t seem to know what the hell he’s doing, and Jeffrey is convinced that his dress is true couture because he’s doing more hand sewing than everyone else (or so he says), which naturally gets Laura in a tizzy because every time Jeffrey opens his mouth Laura gets in a tizzy.  It’s her raison d’etre (since we’re having a French moment).

From the get-go, it’s clear that this episode is all about Corky Vincent, though.  At the fashion store, he picks a fabric that everyone else has already walked past and identified as hideous.  He doesn’t seem to have a grasp on couture, except for the fact that it apparently “gets him off.”  In fact, he uses the phrase “gets me off” an unnatural number of times during this episode.  I don’t want to know what gets him off.  I don’t want to think about him as a sexual being at all.  And I certainly don’t need to know that what gets him off is fashion, for God’s sake.

The venue for the initial showing is a barge on the Seine where Catherine throws a party for everyone (no other guests – what the hell kind of a party is that?) and interviews everyone about their couture.  Two things immediately stand out: she hates Vincent’s dress on sight.  And Vincent clearly wants to hump her leg like a chihuhua.

We go back to New York (brief flash of a Delta jet), and it’s back to the runway at Parson’s New York, where Michael, Nina, and guest judge Richard Tyler (who designed the flight attendant uniforms for you-know-who) are less diplomatic than Catherine had been in Paris, probably because there was no longer a language barrier involved.

For once, I was in pretty good agreement with the judges: Jeffrey won.  Uli came in second (wasn’t thrilled, but at least it wasn’t a busy print).  Kayne and Michael skated through – they’ve done better, but they’ve both done worse.  Laura, for once, got called out because her dress looks exactly like every other dress she’s ever done, and it’s not that interesting.  Her model looks like it belongs on an old lady.   Corky Vincent gets sent home, as should have been the case a long time.  Between him and Angela, I can’t believe either of them lasted that long.

Next week, Laura seems to have a meltdown — she’s my vote for the next to go home.  She’s done the same thing every week, and it’s getting harder to hide.  She’s also the only one left who’s never won a challenge.

But you can bet there’s going to be a lot of drama involved …

 

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