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About Ramblings of a Hopeless Khowaga

Welcome to my Web site. My name is Chris, and I’ll be your host. I live in Austin, Texas, with my partner, Ray, and our child dog, Mocha. You can read more about me, learn 100 random things about me, and if you’re wondering what the heck a khowaga is, click here. Feel free to browse, read, and leave comments!

Tag: ‘maps’



Den eneste bøsse i landsbyen

Monday, December 14th, 2009

I got my first hit from Greenland today!  (We’ve discussed my inner stats whore earlier, so never mind that creepy bit.)

See, there it is on Mint:

stats1

What on earth brought my Greenlandic visitor to my site?  Well, I click on the little icon and I discover that what’s on the minds of today’s Greenlanders is:

stats2

A la Dr. Evil: Riiiiiight.

I get my first hit from Greenland, and it’s someone looking for gay porn.  Fabulous.

Well, then I got to thinking.  Like most of the rest of the world, what I know about Greenland is as follows: it’s not as big as it looks on maps, being the main victim of distortion put about by the Mercator projection.  It’s ruled by Denmark, as I have known from the fifth grade when we had to research it as a class project after several of us more literate types questioned our teacher when she said it was an independent country while the map in our social studies book clearly labeled it as a possession of Denmark.

Oh, and there’s some sort of asteroid on the west coast that could power the universe if only extraterrestrial worms weren’t eating peoples’ brains.  I got that last by reading Smilla’s Sense of Snow (the book being far, far better than the movie which now airs regularly on Lifetime as part of their court ordered Julia Ormond quota).  I also recall something about Greenland having low humidity (“I’ve been colder in Denmark than I ever have in Greenland”), a high rate of both alcoholism and suicide (has something to do with the long hours of night in the winter–as I recall Smilla’s brother had committed suicide), and Greenlanders being rather resentful of their forced inclusion into the Greater Danish Sphere (Smilla herself being a prime example).

And since I’m sure that author Peter Høeg is an expert on Greenland, this must all be correct…

Nuuk_night

So, I pulled it up on the Interwebz, and I discovered that Nuuk (formerly Godthåb) is one of the smallest capital cities in the world by population–right around 18,000, which comprises one quarter of Greenland’s entire population.

Which leads me to the following thought: no wonder my Greenlandic visitor was seeking out gay porn on the Internet.  The most accessible gay bar is in Copenhagen–six hours away by plane (among my other random knowledge is that it is far, far easier to fly from Greenland to Denmark than to either Canada or the U.S., even though they’re closer).  Can you imagine what it must be like trying to find a date on a Friday night?

One can imagine the drama that would ensue in the small dating pool: everyone knows everyone else’s business, that’s for sure.  Plus, it’s that part of the year when there are a scant few hours of daylight.  Who wouldn’t want to hang around the house and surf the Interwebz?

Nuuk_snow

Sure offers a new lens to the concept of being the only gay in the village, don’t it?  (BTW, the title of the post is “the only gay in the village” rendered into Danish by Google translate, and I’d be happy to change it if a real Dane happens by and wants to correct it … )

*photos by Peter Løvstrøm.  Used under a Creative Commons Attribution license.

12 of 12: September 2009

Sunday, September 13th, 2009

Howdy, 12ers!  How was your month?

Down here in Central Texas, we’ve been in a severe drought for the past two years.  We also had a record number of days this summer over 100 degrees F (~38 C).  So, today, when it turned out to be gray, rainy, and rather chilly (72 degrees ~ 21 C), no one complained much.

It’s raining!  It’s raining!

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This was not, however, the unanimous opinion of everyone in our household.

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Some dogs love to play in water.  Mocha does not.  She is terrified of standing water (we still tell stories about the time we took her down to Wimberley to play in the Blanco River.  We finally picked her up and deposited her in the foot-deep river and she proceeded to clamp on to Ray’s leg and wouldn’t let go.

This applies to rain, too.

_MG_4396

*wistful sigh*

Ray went off to take a test for his online Texas government class (did you know that all college students in Texas are required to take a course in Texas government?  I didn’t — I only did my master’s here.  Thank God it doesn’t apply to graduate students, because I’d have been pissed to waste my money on that … )

I watched Top Chef.

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It’s funny how, after Top Chef, I was hungry.  Fortunately, it was lunchtime.  Flatbread pizzas!

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Mid afternoon, the rain slows down.  I realize that I’m not sure Mocha has been outside to “take care of business” so to speak, so I went out in the yard to try to coax her out.

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Rain drops on the oleander.

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And here’s my dog, having made it five whole feet off the porch into the yard, ready to bolt at the sign of any threatening raindrops.

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Back inside, Mocha decides she’s bored.  Really, really bored.  If you own a dog, you know that this is not her problem, it’s ours.

And, yes, that is the hand-knotted silk Kayseri rug that I brought back from Turkey.  She loves it so.

_MG_4452

OK, the first thing we have to do is KILL THE PURPLE BEAR!!!

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And then we (that would be me and Ray) have to throw the purple bear.  Over and over and over.  Mocha’s not so good at bringing it back, but she’s pretty good at catching it.

My, that was exciting!  And when YOUR life gets exciting, it’s good to have the people at Mutual of Omaha Messina Hof Vineyards to turn to.

_MG_4477

And, so, as the day winds down toward dinner and a movie, I take a break to update the maps on my GPS and discover that Sarah McLachlan is on Austin City Limits.  (Sarah McLachlan was on campus three buildings over and I didn’t know about it??  I am totally straight for Sarah.)

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… and that’s my boring, rainy day at home.

And how was YOUR 12th?

Geography Lessons

Sunday, June 28th, 2009

It’s a lazy Sunday afternoon.  Or, rather, I’m being lazy this Sunday afternoon.  In a little over 24 hours, I’m supposed to leave for Turkey and Egypt for three weeks, and as of this moment I haven’t lifted a finger to begin packing.  I am relaxing, as it were.

It’s been a heck of a couple of weeks.  I’ve run three workshops — the last one was the orientation for another group going to Turkey who left yesterday morning.  Now that they’re gone, I’m barely able to grasp the concept that I, myself, am leaving.  Tomorrow.  So, instead of getting ready to go, I’m going to blog about it instead.  Ha!

Ray’s parents were visiting — they left this morning.  I barely got to see them since this last workshop was the sort that involves me playing host at breakfast, lunch, and dinner (I did eat well).  Yesterday, before my marathon two hour nap that is part of my effort to not begin my trip already physically exhausted, we all went to see the new Transformers movie, Revenge of the Fallen.

Some things you might be interested in knowing about it up front:

  • Even Ray, the one who really wanted to go, said it was “OK.”  This is tantamount to saying it wasn’t very good.
  • Megan Fox is not a good actress, but she’s hardly the worst actress in the movie.
  • Shia LeBeouf is going to have to stop playing a teenager soon.

However, the part of the movie that started making my head hurt was the utterly ridiculous sequence set in the Egyptian desert in which the filmmakers used very famous landmarks apparently banking on the audience not knowing where they are located.  That and the continuity gaffes were appalling.

To whit (potential spoilers ahead):

Part of the plot involves, for no particular reason as far as I can see, the northern tip of the Gulf of Aqaba, which our friendly geography specialist announces, “is where Egypt and Jordan meet.”  Thats’ not quite true: Egypt and Jordan don’t meet there because Israel is located between them.  Lest the movie be accused of being anti-semitic for pretending Israel isn’t there, Jordan seems to be flexible.  By which I mean, it apparently gets up and moves out of the way when it would be too inconvenient to recognize that an international border is being crossed.

In fact, based on all of the GPS technology and maps, it would appear that the climax of the film takes place in Saudi Arabia, another country denied its due as a member of the club of countries that border the Gulf of Aqaba (Jordan having only 9 miles of coastline).

Lest this be a problem in and of itself, the pyramids of Giza are conveniently relocated (by Michael Bay) to be located on the Gulf of Aqaba itself.  (Again, in what should very clearly be Saudi Arabia). To be fair, they’re never specifically identified as the pyramids of Giza, but if that were the case they could have used less recognizable pyramids.

The pyramids of Giza, for those not in the know, are no longer on the outskirts of Cairo — now, they’re kind of within the urban area itself.  At various times during the scenes that follow, you might be able to see Cairo itself in the background.  Sometimes it’s replaced by desert, giving the sites the appearance of being out in the middle of nowhere.  Once it seems to have inexplicably been replaced with Los Angeles, with the telltale skyline quite clearly visible in the background.

We won’t even get started on the concrete quarry located at the base of the pyramids itself.

There’s another intriguing play with geography involving John Turturro’s character.  The pyramid that plays a critical role (I won’t say what it is) is quite clearly the number two pyramids: the pyramid of Khafra (sometimes spelled Kahfre or Chephren).  It’s distinctive because part of the smooth limestone casing remains covering the top portion — it’s the only one of the three at Giza that still has part of that original casing.  Turturro is shown at the bottom of this pyramid, and then, when we go to close up, it appears behind him while he’s supposedly still standing at the bottom of it.  Clearly those scenes were filmed at the base of the next one over.

Another interesting move in the film is that Karnak temple, located 350 miles south of Cairo, is relocated to the foot of the pyramids.  Which were supposedly undiscovered.  Next to a big city.  Next to a source of navigable water.  And — another favorite — within shouting distance of the ruins of Petra … which, in a nod to Jordan’s new geographic flexibility, is located in Egypt.

I’m willing to forgive oversights in geography from time to time, but this was too much for my brain to handle.  I instead amused myself by identifying where the scenes were filmed (this being how I noticed LA suddenly replacing Cairo in one take).

Anyway.  My vote on the movie as a whole is to save it for video … if you’re really interested.

The drier has dinged and it’s probably time to drag out the suitcase now.  Happy weekend!

12 of 12: May 2009

Tuesday, May 12th, 2009

It’s time, once again, for 12 of 12!

This month … the 12th falls once again on a Tuesday.  I’ll admit it, fellow 12ers, I’m tapped out.  I’m out of ideas on how to make a normal Tuesday in the office seem interesting, so this month I played around with post-processing and making the photos look cool after the fact.  Nearly all of these are presets for Lightroom that have been developed by the very cool Matt Kloskowski — if you like them, check out his Web site and download your own.

Anyway …

6:50 am: Tollway to heaven?

May09-1

On the way to work …

7:47 am: Wasting Water

May09-2

OK, maybe not.  The University does collect all of its wastewater and use it in the campus-wide cooling system.  But, damn, do they have to water those stupid ferns every morning?  It’s starting to look like Jurassic Park!

7:48 am: Iconic Architecture

May09-3

The Texas Union and the Tower atop the Main Building.  Doesn’t get more picture postcard-y than that!  I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: my undergraduate institution looked like something that Stalin might have built to subdue Poland, so I do enjoy the limestone and red clay-tile roofs.

7:51 am: Stephen F. Austin is a Zombie!

May09-4

OK, I give up.  What do you think this mural is saying?

7:53 am: Shadow and Light

May09-5

The lady at Jamba Juice was taking too long to make my smoothie, so I started making her nervous by taking a picture of the shadow pattern on the floor.  That’ll learn ‘er.

8:49 am: Ready to work … ?

May09-6

We’re getting ready to publish a new edition of the book Year of the Elephant by the Moroccan writer Laila Abouzeid.  I offered to fund part of the publication if we can market the books to classrooms, which necessitates writing a study guide.  Somehow that wound up being my job.  So, I’m sitting here trying to send “go away” vibes while reading the book and taking copious notes.  The problem is that this tactic never works — I don’t really have space in my office to spread out while I read, but people interrupt me if I use the conference table.  I’ve got to find a better place to work on stuff like this.

10:25 am: Facebook silliness!

May09-7

Which Middle Eastern Dictator Am I?  Turns out I’m Hafez al-Asad from Syria!  Armed with this information, I can now safely declare my life complete.  (I would have guessed King Hussein of Jordan, but whatevs.)

3:11 pm: Playin’ with Clay

May09-8

I’m supposed to give a talk in a few weeks on “the Islamic City,” and, unlike other talks, I’ve decided not to wait until the last second to think about what I want to say on the topic.  However, there’s a bit of a problem with the ability to work uninterrupted that I previously mentioned.

But, look!  This guy who wrote this book made models of the city plans of the 7th century Arab cities with clay, and he published them in his book.  That’s so cool!  I want to do that.  I could … and probably have … drawn maps of medieval Cairo on cocktail napkins.

Why, yes, I am a massive dork.  Why do you ask?

5:31 pm: Doggie grin

May09-9

It’s already too hot to walk Mocha in the afternoons – it’s been in the mid 90s for the past two weeks (mid 30s for those of you who speak Celsius).  I’m trying to train her to get used to evening walks, but she still follows me around the second I get home.  It’s always me when she wants a walk, and Ray when she wants food.

5:35 pm: Baby Limes

May09-10

I’m trying not to be the obsessive plant stalker and inspecting my garden every day … just every few days.  I’ve got some Hungarian wax peppers almost ready to pick, and the lime tree has little baby limes all over it.  They’re about the size of a pistachio right now, but they’ll get there…all at once.  And then I’ll have to figure out what to do with dozens of limes.

6:03 pm: Party Planning

May09-11

Ray’s birthday is coming up, and so there will be a party.  I’m trying to make a shopping list so that I can hit the grocery tomorrow because Thursday evening will be spent wrapping jalapeños in bacon.  If you haven’t tried it, don’t knock it.

This is the fun kind of homework.  Certainly more fun than this:

May09-12

Yeah, I brought my work home with me.  Ray has to study tonight for his macroeconomics final, so I figured I’d make some productive use of the quiet time.  And I’d probably better stop posting my 12 of 12 and actually get to it!

Happy 12th everyone!

Summer Prep

Thursday, May 7th, 2009

I’ve been in denial for the past couple of weeks about the fact that we’re entering the hot season (we really only have two seasons here: hot and Hell).  Last weekend, however, I had to break down and ask Ray if we could turn on the air conditioning.  It’s really not that hot, but it’s been really rainy and the humidity is horrific.

I’m working on a presentation that I have to give next month, and, thanks to the advent of the InterWebz I can download PDF versions of articles from academic journals without leaving my office.  However, it became clear that there was a really useful book that lives only on the shelves of the HT section on the fourth floor of the Perry-Castañeda Library (how antiquated!).

And so, I had to revisit my summer preparation for crossing campus without acquiring massive sweat stains on my clothes.  It goes something like this:

1. Take the elevator down to the 1st floor and leave my building via the service entrance door in the back.

2. Depending on the level of heat and/or humidity, I can either cross the street and enter the rear of Parlin Hall or I can walk up the hill.  The stairs are on the outside of Parlin, so there’s not a huge advantage except that there’s air conditioning at the top of the incline.

3. Cross the South Mall and enter Batts Hall.  Batts Hall connects to Mezes Hall which connects to Benedict Hall.  There are internal stairs, but the air conditioning is extremely powerful.  BONUS POINTS if students are making out, sleeping, or crying in the stairwells.  EXTRA BONUS POINTS if the students making out are of the same sex, two or more students are spooning as they nap, or if it’s possible to determine without breaking stride why the student is crying.

4. Exit Benedict Hall through the rear door and take the footbridge across 21st Street to the Massive Concrete Monolith that is the UTC building.  Take escalator to ground level.  The escalator is external, but it’s an escalator and requires no physical effort on my part.

5. Walk the last few dozen meters to the entrance of the PCL.  Determine that books with call numbers prefixed HT are housed on the 4th floor and take elevator up.  Find desired book and spend some time investigating books filed next to it.  Find a couple others that might be useful.  One is in Arabic — most of it is in technical language that’s over my head, but the maps will be useful.

6.  Return to check-out area, transact with underpaid work-study student who identifies the language of my non-English book as “Islamic,” then attempts to scold me when I inform her that the book is “backwards” (checkout slips go in the front cover — on a book written in a right-to-left language the slip would, to the casual observer, appear at first glance to inside the back cover) by saying, “Well, maybe that’s the front to them.”  I consider pointing out that if I didn’t know that, I would have no reason to check the book out in the first place, but think better of it and leave.

7. Follow steps outlined above in reverse.  Return to office and discover that all books I checked out are completely useless.

So far, I’ve come up with similar plans for just about everywhere on campus I need to go.  It’s amazing the amount of air conditioning you can duck through ‘twixt here and there.

And, yeah … it’s Thursday :)

 

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