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About Ramblings of a Hopeless Khowaga

Welcome to my Web site. My name is Chris, and I’ll be your host. I live in Austin, Texas, with my partner, Ray, and our child dog, Mocha. You can read more about me, learn 100 random things about me, and if you’re wondering what the heck a khowaga is, click here. Feel free to browse, read, and leave comments!

Tag: ‘money’



Outrage

Wednesday, November 4th, 2009

I’ll admit it: I didn’t vote yesterday.  It’s an off-year, and down here in Texas we only had 11 constitutional amendments to approve.  Not surprisingly, they were all approved.  That’s what always happens when the only thing on the ballot is a series of issues or amendments.  Apparently it’s now harder for the state to claim eminent domain, which, if I remember from my US Government class, is why Alexander Hamilton got into a duel with Martin Luther King, Jr., over box seats at the Houston Astrodome.

I’ll also admit that I was listening to the Glee soundtrack in the car this morning, so I didn’t find out about Maine until I got to work. At first, I just registered disappointment.  I mean, there was Prop 8 last year, and don’t let’s forget that Texas has banned marriage for the gays twice now.  (The first time, they forgot to make it clear that not only was gay marriage illegal here, but that we don’t recognize it if you get married somewhere that it is legal, so they up and did it again.)

I saw a lot of annoyed people on Facebook today complaining about Maine.  None of them are Mainers.  I don’t know anyone from Maine.  It has the dubious distinction of being one of the five states I’ve never been to (for the record: Vermont, New Hampshire, Minnesota, and North Dakota).  And, in all honesty, even though everyone says they’re disappointed in Maine or angry about Maine, they’re really only talking about that 53% “clear majority” of voters that pushed through the repeal.

So, I went on with my day, which consisted of being a ball of stress (as has every other day this week).  And I put Maine right out of my mind.

And then I saw this:

bangor

This would be a photo from the Bangor newspaper of people celebrating their victory last night. And I gotta tell you something–I’ve seen things that are offensive.  But this?  Man, this … just pissed me right the fuck off.

Let’s do an image analysis activity, here, shall we?

There are at least two people in this photo who aren’t old enough to vote.

Everyone in the photograph is white.

Several of them are overweight.  You know perfectly well that the nice lady hasn’t clapped this hard since Jimmy Joe’s fried chicken won the contest down to the state fair in Augusta.  (No, that’s not nice.  Remember what she’s spent the past several months saying about me and my ilk, please, and then shut up.)

And then we’re drawn to the lady kneeling.  She’s either overcome with emotion, or she’s praying, or both.

And I just have to ask: why?

What the hell is so wrong with us that she lost the ability to stand and has to grasp someone else’s hand for support?

And aren’t all of these people supposed to be leaving on the Rapture bus soon?  Why do they even care about the laws on this planet Earth??

Several Internet and blogger pals have decried the institutional failure here: whenever minority rights get put up to a vote by the majority, the minority loses.  The issue, of course, is that the majority refuses to recognize that gays and lesbians ARE a minority.  We’re just wrong.

I want someone to go to Congress and make these people put their money where their mouths are.  If marriage is so important, and must be protected, let’s protect it.  We need to ban divorce in these United States of America.

Furthermore, if it’s so true that children need both a mother and a father, we need to pass a bill in the Congress that will call for the removal of children from any household in which a mother and father (married, of course) are not present.  Daddy just died in the war?  Tough!  Mommy’s got a week to find a new husband or the kids go to foster care.

I know it sounds like I’m being flippant, but I’m being quite serious.  If we’re going to have all these moral values out there, someone needs to push to take them to their logical end.  If people can get divorced, and children live in homes with one parent, and none of these bleeding hearts out to “protect the family” will do anything about it … well, then what’s to stop me from marrying a hamster?

Time to take the gloves off.  And if that doesn’t work, we’re cancelling both Glee and Project Runway.  You just wait and see if we don’t.

Borricua

Wednesday, September 30th, 2009

“Horse,” Ray said.

We were driving down an expressway in the middle of San Juan on our last afternoon in Puerto Rico.  Instinctively, I slammed on the brakes.

“Why are you stopping?” Ray asked.

“You said ‘horse,’” I said.  “I thought you meant there was a horse in the road.”
“When have we ever seen … never mind, I withdraw the question.”
Frankly, by that point, a horse in the middle of an expressway in downtown San Juan wouldn’t have surprised me at all.  Not one bit.

I went to Puerto Rico for a conference, held at one of the glitzy five star hotels near San Juan Aiport in the Isla Verde area. Puerto Rico is, officially, part of the United States of America.  It’s a Free Associated State (Estado Libre Asociado), which is emblazoned on a number of license plates and bumper stickers.

Culturally, however, Puerto Rico is quite distinct from the US.  To begin with, the primary language on the island is a weird language that kind of sounds like Spanish, except that they use interesting words for things that I’ve never heard before.  A naranja (orange) is a china.  A frijol (bean) is either a gandule or an habichuela.  The letter j is pronounced as … well, as a kind of “zh” sound instead of the usual “h”, so the stickers on all of the doors say “hale” (pull) instead of “jale.”  Anything good is “chevere.”  (On the flip side, batteries are baterías, instead of pastillas, which is what they call them in Spain.  Pastilla also means “pill.”  I’m a little uncomfortable with the analogy.)

I’d heard that Caribbean Spanish is kind of the worst-case scenario for speakers of Spanish as a second language — now I know why.

I had a rental car.  This may have been a mistake–it’s hard to tell.  Taxis are expensive (one could literally walk from the airport to our hotel in about 30 minutes–a taxi is $12, flat rate), but free parking is both risky and hard to find.

The road signs are made to the American standard, but they’re all in Spanish.  Given that Spanish is the primary language of the island, that’s understandable.  What’s less understandable is this: speed limit signs are in miles per hour.  (Apparently just as a suggestion: I tried to slow down in a school zone once and … well, when the sign says “15 mph,” it apparently really means “40 mph.”)  However, distances are measured in kilometers, and gas is sold by the liter.  I gave up trying to figure that one out, and am much happier for it.

Traffic lights are hard to figure out, so when the light turns green, all of the drivers waiting for the light start honking immediately, to helpfully let the driver in front of them know that the light has turned green in case he’s fallen asleep or decided to get out and walk or something.

Cars in Puerto Rico are equipped with an archane lighting system.  There are four lights on the car: one at each corner.  They are connected to a lever on the steering column.  When you push the lever up, the two lights on the right side of the car light up and blink.  When you push the lever down, the two lights on the left side of the car light up and blink. Archaeologists are uncertain as to the original purpose of this lighting system.  Modern drivers simply ignore them.

The night we arrived, I woke up with a splitting headache at about 2 am.  It was the kind of headache that has physical presence: it was a third body in bed with us.  I tried to ignore it for a bit, but when I heard Ray stirring a little later on, I asked it he’d brought any aspirin with him.

“No,” he mumbled.  “Go ask at the front desk.”
I threw on shorts and a T-shirt (and no contacts, having left my glasses at home, naturally), and trudged down to the empty lobby where “The Girl From Ipanema” was clinking over the speaker system (of course it was “The Girl From Ipanema.”  Why wouldn’t it be?).

The concierge had no medical supplies, but I was helpfully informed of the existence of a Walgreens “5 minutes away.”

I’m supposed to walk to Walgreens at 3 am along a deserted street in San Juan?  Does this sound like a good idea to anyone?

I went up to the room and tried to go to sleep, but now my head was throbbing on a level that had me quesitoning whether I could remove my eyes temporarily to reduce the pressure.  Ray finally insisted that we go to Walgreens, and so, at 3:30 in the morning on our first night in San Juan, we strolled up the street filled only by us, the frequent passing by of the tourist police, and the bouncers at the clubs that never close.

Back to the horse comment.

On Friday morning, the day after my marathon four presentations at the conference, Ray and I decided to take a cue from the Lonely Planet guide I’d brought with me and drive to Loíza, the next town over.  According to LP, one could not wander around the town square without stumbling over makers of the vejigante masks.  We have a small collection of masks that we’ve bought on trips, and we’re always looking to add, so we got in the car and drove along the rambling road to Loíza.

There were, in fact, several horses along the way–although, to be fair, none of them were actually in the road.

To make a story that seemed longer at the time rather short, LP was an epic fail.  The town square was not where the guidebook said it was.  There were no mask makers.  We found a (singular) establishment — Centro de Cultura, Inc. — that had some (pretty ugly) examples on display, but when I asked the nice lady if one could find the artisans, she shrugged.  “Maybe on Sunday,” she said.

At some point, while driving around, we noticed that some of the expressways through San Juan were labeled with little icons.  There was one of a tree, one of a parrot, one of a coquí frog, and one of a horse.  We never found out what the icons stood for — they weren’t in the copious amounts of tourist literature in the hotel room (directed at the sort of tourist for whom money is not an issue, natch), nor was there ever any explanation in writing on the signs themselves.  At one point–possibly on the drive back from the Bacardi distillery in Caguas–we got giddy and started calling out “parrot!”  “Tree!”

And, the next afternoon, Ray called out, “Horse!”

As I said, by that time … the presence of a real horse in the road would have failed to surprise me on every level.

Would I go back to Puerto Rico?  Sure.  Just not sure I’d plan to drive there again …

12 of 12: September 2009

Sunday, September 13th, 2009

Howdy, 12ers!  How was your month?

Down here in Central Texas, we’ve been in a severe drought for the past two years.  We also had a record number of days this summer over 100 degrees F (~38 C).  So, today, when it turned out to be gray, rainy, and rather chilly (72 degrees ~ 21 C), no one complained much.

It’s raining!  It’s raining!

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This was not, however, the unanimous opinion of everyone in our household.

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Some dogs love to play in water.  Mocha does not.  She is terrified of standing water (we still tell stories about the time we took her down to Wimberley to play in the Blanco River.  We finally picked her up and deposited her in the foot-deep river and she proceeded to clamp on to Ray’s leg and wouldn’t let go.

This applies to rain, too.

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*wistful sigh*

Ray went off to take a test for his online Texas government class (did you know that all college students in Texas are required to take a course in Texas government?  I didn’t — I only did my master’s here.  Thank God it doesn’t apply to graduate students, because I’d have been pissed to waste my money on that … )

I watched Top Chef.

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It’s funny how, after Top Chef, I was hungry.  Fortunately, it was lunchtime.  Flatbread pizzas!

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Mid afternoon, the rain slows down.  I realize that I’m not sure Mocha has been outside to “take care of business” so to speak, so I went out in the yard to try to coax her out.

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Rain drops on the oleander.

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And here’s my dog, having made it five whole feet off the porch into the yard, ready to bolt at the sign of any threatening raindrops.

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Back inside, Mocha decides she’s bored.  Really, really bored.  If you own a dog, you know that this is not her problem, it’s ours.

And, yes, that is the hand-knotted silk Kayseri rug that I brought back from Turkey.  She loves it so.

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OK, the first thing we have to do is KILL THE PURPLE BEAR!!!

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And then we (that would be me and Ray) have to throw the purple bear.  Over and over and over.  Mocha’s not so good at bringing it back, but she’s pretty good at catching it.

My, that was exciting!  And when YOUR life gets exciting, it’s good to have the people at Mutual of Omaha Messina Hof Vineyards to turn to.

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And, so, as the day winds down toward dinner and a movie, I take a break to update the maps on my GPS and discover that Sarah McLachlan is on Austin City Limits.  (Sarah McLachlan was on campus three buildings over and I didn’t know about it??  I am totally straight for Sarah.)

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… and that’s my boring, rainy day at home.

And how was YOUR 12th?

Civility FAIL

Thursday, September 10th, 2009

The president gave a speech last night.  I didn’t watch it.  I need to be able to read the synopsis of political speeches these days because I can’t quite stomach the queasy feeling I get half the time.

And so, I missed the moment everyone’s talking about this morning: South Carolina senator Joe Wilson yelling, “You lie!” when President Obama said that his vision for reformed health care wouldn’t cover illegal immigrants.

Here it is in case you missed it:

YouTube Preview Image

I find myself in a quandary here.  I’m not entirely sure where I stand on health care reform (yes, the system is broken, and I am mystified by people who think that a government run plan will be more of a burden than a privately run one, apparently on the basis that it’s more “American” to have corporations do it, because corporations are never, ever evil), but I know where I stand on this.  (And if you don’t know, you clearly didn’t read my post from Monday).

The New York Times, in its fact-checking recap of the president’s speech (interesting read), points out that the president is speaking true on this point (and most others … although some of them need to be read creatively).

I keep going back to this: W. was president for 8 years.  He stood up in front of Congress year after year and bragged about how well the war on terror was going and how Iraq was always under control.  Did anyone stand up and yell, “You sent our men and women to fight a war whose sole benefit was to line the pockets of the Vice President?”  No, they didn’t. And it would have been a far more intelligent thing to say.

In fact, this morning, both parties are at pains to remember any occasion on which a presidential address was interrupted in such a manner.  This is not the British Parliament.  We do not have a system that encourages smart retorts in Congress (and, let’s face it, it’s more fun to watch it happen with British accents.  The Brits are so much better at coming up with deep-cutting nasty comments that sound perfectly reasonable on face value).

I keep coming back to this: it’s obvious that the political rhetoric in this country is such that the president has to keep proving his worthiness of being in the office of president … the one that he was elected to, and by a much more definitive margin than his predecessor ever received in two terms.  It’s like people just assume that he’s less than human and not fully American, and it’s up to him to constantly prove otherwise.

In more amusing news, a California state assemblyman from Yorba Linda, one of the true champions of pro-family legislation (that would be pro-conservative definition of family, natch), resigned after bragging to a colleague about an affair without realizing that his microphone was on and that his comments were going out on public access television and preserved on tape for posterity.

Not only that, but it seems that this was his second mistress.  He wasn’t only cheating on his wife — he was cheating on his other mistress, too.

So much for pro-family values!  Although, he did put his money where his mouth is: part of the bragging included the revelation that he didn’t use a condom.  So maybe he’s a true Christian™ after all.  God wants babies!  They’re delicious!

Vignettes

Sunday, July 19th, 2009

I’m back home in Austin.  I flew home on Friday, a long day that involved a lot of nodding off in odd places.  I had to leave for the airport at 1 am, so there wasn’t any actual sleep (I tried to nap a little in my hotel room, but I kept jerking awake out of fear that I’d oversleep).

As usual, the Cairo Airport luggage cart mafia got the last word: As I was standing in line to go through security (in many international gateways, you have to go through X-ray with your luggage before you get to check-in), I was asked which airline I was flying.

“Turkish,” I said.
“This line is for Olympic,” he said.  (For the record: this is BS.  The ticket lobby is wide open once you go through security — there is no “this line is for this airline, and that line is for that airline.”)  I knew where this was going, but before I could stop him, he’d grabbed my luggage and started walking at an extremely fast pace across the terminal to the next checkpoint over.
“You give me money now,” he said.”  He wound up with 1 Egyptian pound and 1 US dollar — the last cash I had on me.

I may have mentioned this before, but it’s worth saying again: I hate Cairo Airport.  It’s a pit of snakes.

Fortunately, there were better moments on this trip.

Al-Azhar at Night

One evening, I suggested to a friend who hadn’t seen much of the city besides the campus where he was studying and the apartment where he lived that we visit the old city in the evening.  The snakes who run the Khan al-Khalili bazaar tend to be a little less venomous toward the end of the day.  Shortly out of the cab, I wandered over to the newly restored area between the Wikala and Madrassa of Sultan al-Ghori, which I hadn’t seen since the restoration was complete.  While looking at the new roof over the area, a man wandered over to us and struck up a conversation.  His English wasn’t the best, so the conversation took place primarily in Arabic.

It turned out that he was working on the restoration project, and after a few moments, he offered to show us around.  I’m normally leery of offers like this as they tend to end with a bill being produced, but he seemed pretty genuine and kept insisting that he wasn’t doing it for baksheesh.

For the next two hours, we wandered the back streets south of al-Azhar mosque.  Granted, he showed us a lot of craft workshops that made things neither of us were interested in buying, but it didn’t seem to bother him.

The only point where money entered into the conversation was when we went down to Bab Zuwayla, the southern gate to old Cairo that dates from 970 AD.  The mosque of Shaykh Moizz li-din Allah adjoins the bab, and for a little bribing, you can get the caretaker to let you up on the roof.

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As we were up on top of the mosque, with its view of the old city and the cliffs of Muqattam that border Cairo to the east, the muezzins began making the call to prayer (the azan).  From our vantage point, you could hear muzzein after muezzin chanting from the city’s four thousand mosques, the sounds echoing off of each other and weaving into a great chant that is, to me, one of the most quintessential sounds of Egypt: prayer, street activity, and traffic.  How Cairo.

As we descended, he asked us to make a donation to the mosque, which we were happy to do.  After that, it was back to the main street where he’d met us, with a handshake and a good bye.  I gave him a little Austin lapel pin that I had left over from the trip to Turkey, and with that we were on our way.

The next day, I returned to the old city on my own to wander all over creation and shoot some photos.  I came on my own deliberately, as I know my interest in architecture and little alleyways is not shared by many … OK, most … of my friends.  I’ve learned that it’s better to just come on my own.

There was a slightly ugly incident near Bab al-Nasir, one of the two northern gates of the city.  As I was passing a small food stall, the guy working the fry station practically threw a piece of ta’amiyya (Egyptian felafel — it’s made with fava beans instead of chick peas) at me.  The next thing I knew, I was being bodily pulled into the restaurant, made to sit at a table, and plates of food that I didn’t want were placed in front of me.  I just wasn’t hungry, and I wasn’t entirely comfortable, as I imagined that this exchange was going to end with an outrageous bill being presented.  I wasn’t wrong.

The conversation started off nicely enough, with the usual, “Where are you from?  What’s your name?” questions, and a bit of bizarre cross cultural communication took place when it was revealed that I apparently have the same first name as The Undertaker from WCW(?).  There was a moment of admiration of the bandana that I carry as a sweat rag.  This is nothing new, and I’ve learned to carry spares.  These were given out -  I had enough for all the guys in the stand, but then things got ugly.

“I’ve got a kid,” said one of the guys.  “What do you have for him?”
“Um … ” I looked in my camera bag.  To my shock, he actually reached in and pulled something out, and I smacked his hand, and snarled at him.  The phrase Leh keddah literally means “What’s this?” but said the right way it connotes “WTF, dude?”  I eventually parted with a hotel pen that I’d picked up somewhere in my travels, and then decided it was time to make my exit.  I was presented with a bill for 30 pounds ($6 – which is probably a 500% inflation over what a local would have paid) and then everyone started asking for a tip.  Fortunately, by this time, I was far enough outside the restaurant that they couldn’t block my way, so I pretended I couldn’t understand and walked away.

I was irritated by this experience, and kept trying to calm myself down by reminding myself that I hadn’t spent that much, when a woman wearing a niqab (the face veil with a slit for the eyes) came up to me, motioning with her hands.  She was a beggar.

The guys at the restaurant had taken all of my small bills, and I just didn’t have anything.  I did, however, have a bag of leftover ta’amiya and french fries.  “I don’t have any money,” I said.  “Would you like food?”

She looked at me, puzzled.  “You speak Arabic?”  (This was an odd comment, considering that I’d spoken to her in Arabic, but I’m used to it.  There’s something about looking the way I do and speaking Arabic that just causes brains to short circuit all over Egypt).
“Yeah.”
This was followed by the usual questions about where I was from, etc., and I gave her the food and headed off.  At which point she asked me if I wanted to take her photo — a bit of a startling question from a woman in a face veil!

I headed down through the Khan al-Khalili as quickly as possible and crossed the bridge to the relative safety of the other side.  My plan was to walk down through Bab Zuwayla and then down through the Khan of the tentmakers and through the neighborhood beyond.

This is an area that’s not frequented by foreigners, but if my presence caused any consternation, it didn’t show.  A couple of boys asked me to take their photo.

Boys

I’m ashamed that I don’t remember their names.

The only incident happened further down the street.  I stopped to snap a photo of a mosque, and the guy working at a street cart selling pots and pans, asked me, “What are you taking a photo of?  I don’t want any photos of me!”
“I took a photo of the mosque,” I said.
“The mosque?” he asked.  I showed him on the LCD panel on my camera, and suddenly the scowl was replaced with a big smile and a thumbs up.

And that was it.  So much for the seething anti-Americanism on the Arab street.

Even that night, when my friend and I came back to see the Sufis and visit the newly lit up monuments north of the Khan al-Khalili, it was a mixture of ignorance and cheerful questions.  And the monuments do look incredible at night.

Shari'a Moizz at Night.

And so.  When I got to Cairo, I remembered thinking, “How am I going to fill up this time?”  By the time it was over, it seemed like it went so quickly.

Which is not to say that I wasn’t ready to come home.  Probably the ugliest moment on the entire trip occurred the morning before I left, in the form of an e-mail from work.  Someone on the organizing committee of a conference I’m working on sent a message that was so ugly that it actually brought tears to my eyes.  By the time I saw the message, several others had weighed in, and there was a message from my boss asking me not to respond to it because, “I’ve already told her in no uncertain terms that this message is completely unacceptable.”   Even so, it put me in an absolutely foul mood, and my brain has been wandering back to it ever since (12 hour flights are great for stewing).  It was a nasty reminder of things waiting for me when I go back to work tomorrow.

And so.  I have vague memories of the plane taking off from Cairo at 3:30 am on Friday, and equally vague memories of the plane landing in Istanbul.  I found a bench to sleep for part of the 6 hour layover in Istanbul and conked out again for a good chunk of the flight from Istanbul to Chicago.  (The two bottles of wine served with lunch might have helped).

And now, I’m home where it’s hotter than it was in Egypt!  But I’m happy to be back with Ray and Mocha and not spending a lot of money all the time — Egypt has gotten significantly more expensive over the past couple of years.  The economic recession has not been kind there.

All the same … well, I’m not planning my next trip back yet, but it’s always in the back of my mind.  That’s just kind of the way I am.

 

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