I am not the first blogger that I know of to point this out, but I’m going to take my turn at expressing what is at best enthusiastic ambiguity toward the Web 2.0 phenomenon that is Facebook.
I’ve been on Facebook ever since I was pretty much forced to join at the spear end of peer pressure a couple of years ago. “All your friends are doing it! Everyone who’s anyone is on Facebook! You can reconnect with old friends you haven’t heard from in years!” Fine, I thought, and signed up.
There is, of course, the part where Facebook is a phenomenal waste of time. You can literally spend hours trolling through status updates and a ridiculous number of applications that let you do stupid things online right out in public where all of your friends and acquaintances can see you do them. Where’s the fun in that? Isn’t the whole point of the Internet that you can do those stupid things anonymously? (“Deep Space 9 fan fiction? I don’t know what you’re talking about!”)
It’s like having grandparents who want to talk about your sex life in detail. (“Honey, your grandpa and I were wondering: are you a top or a bottom?”) If it’s not all private and shameful, where’s the fun?
I’ve been inundated recently with a ridiculous number of requests from “birthday applications.”
Let me take a moment to just vent about how much I loathe these things. Various Web sites have offered this service for years: input all of your friends’ birthdays and we’ll send them a personalized birthday card (meaning: one with their name on it) on their birthday! Some of them even offered a notification service where they send you a message to remind you that it’s your friend’s birthday so that when they thank you for the card, you don’t look at them blankly and ask “what card?”
Apparently some enterprising genius took this idea and created an application to read the birth date off of your friends’ Facebook profiles and do the same thing. It’s like the Web site, only you don’t even have to put in their name and birthday! How totally cool is that?! Then someone else had the exact same idea. By my rough count there are now approximately 900 trillion such applications on Facebook,* and no two people seem to be using the same one.
I sort of have a blanket refusal policy on application requests anyway–no, I do not want you to help save the Amazon rain forest by accepting an icon of a tulip, nor do I think that it’s going to do a thing for the people of Gaza if I install an application that plays the Palestinian national anthem every time my profile is accessed–and I’m not going to install a bunch different applications so that I can get an automatically generated message on my birthday. (The catch, of course, is that you have to install the application if you want to collect your birthday greetings.) Woo-freaking-hoo. I’m not that big into birthdays in the first place.
Over the past couple of months, my graduating class from high school appears to have all discovered Facebook at the same time. Well, that, and a couple of people have joined who’ve been really active in starting conversation that involve a number of us (yes, Sarah, I’m talking about you). It’s completely surreal. To say that I’m not the same person that I was in high school would be an understatement of the sort that can only be matched by statements like, “Ethiopian food is like Indian food, only different.”
To her credit, Sarah has been very good at tracking down obscure members of our high school class and suggesting them to other people as new friends. My problem is that, so far, I don’t actually remember who any of these people are. I mean, the name kind of sounds familiar, but … did we have English together senior year? Did I even take English senior year?
Then, of course, there’s the even more embarrassing awkwardness that comes from sending friend requests to people that I do remember … who don’t accept them. “Oh, my god. The popular kid doesn’t want to be friends with me. Why doesn’t he want to be friends with me? What’s wrong with me?” It’s just like being back in high school again. Which I guess is appropriate, considering that I’ve been talking to a bunch of people I know from high school.
The good thing is that now I’ve got something to talk about with my therapist this week
*this may be a slight exaggeration for comedic effect.




