Present in my mailbox this morning ...
And so, it begins.
Make it work.
Tag: ‘project_runway’
Cure for the summertime blues
Thursday, July 17th, 2008Project Runway: Brought to you by Jenny Craig
Friday, December 14th, 2007Since Shin is still recovering from the end of this semester … possibly in a skin bar in Tijuana … I shall step in this week to provide commentary and enlightenment on all the things you didn’t know you saw in this week’s installment of Project Runway.
When last we left the Runway, Chris (not me) had been sent home for designing an absolutely atrocious “update” for a dated look that actually regressed the style rather than moving it forward. This is important — please hang on to this little tidbit.
As any of my fellow heaumeauxs know, this was the episode in which Jack, a.k.a., Abercrombie God With Bad Teeth, had to depart due to a staph infection. Jack is HIV+ and has been for 17 years, and although he insisted otherwise, it’s hard to imagine that his developing a skin bacterial infection had nothing to do with his immune status. We already know that Jack has recovered from the infection, as he participated in cutaway interviews in which he did not look like an escaped puppet from Willow (sorry, that’s my one and only jibe at the expense of his health). Also because he’s already posed for porn artistic nude photographs. And is dating Dale from Top Chef.
This week’s challenge, as presented by Heidi Klum flashing all 367 sparkling white teeth, is that the designers have to work with — wait for it — real sized women! The horrors! Even more horrifical to the fashion-forward designers is that all of these women used to be …[hand to forehead] I can hardly type it … fat, and have all lost an amazing amount of weight (one of them had lost nearly 150 pounds). Each woman arrives with their former favorite outfit, they’re paired with a designer, and the challenge is that the designer has to use the old outfit to create a new outfit for them.
I don’t know why it seems like it’s so hard, but every time one Project Runway that the designers have had to design for “real” models, it’s all bitching, whining, and moaning. Pocket Kevin–who, for a change, does not remind us that he’s straight this episode (I’m guessing with Jack’s health crisis they had to cut down on his comments)–is the only designer who seems genuinely elated at the challenge. Damn. In spite of his annoying tendency to remind us about his heterosexuality, I’m starting to like him.
Christian ["Harry Potter"], naturally, is totally bummed out about the challenge and immediately starts whining up a storm. Fortunately, no one actually notices because that’s all he ever does.
Steven the Over-Enunciator immediately gives up on the challenge because his material consists of a wedding dress that, he only reminds us about eight million times, is made of white polyester. A more unfair challenge on Project Runway there has never been.
Due to Jack’s departure, Chris is brought back from the dead and given another chance. It’s clear they scrambled, as he arrives late and they let him stay all night long, apparently hoping he’ll be able to “make it work” even though he’s clearly disoriented and frazzled.
Cut to the normal drama: Does Ricky cry? Check. Does Harry Potter act like he’s the shit even though he’s been up for elimination more times than we can count? Check. Does Sweet P look like she has no idea what she’s doing at any point? Check. Does Chris act all discombobulated? Check. Does Steven over enunciate while slapping together everything at the last minute even though he insists early on that “this time” he’s going to finish early? You betcha.
Cut to the runway. This week, our judges are: Bitchy orange fashion designer Michael Kors, Ice Queen Nina Garcia, and The Token Black Judge.
Michael Kors has clearly just watched Sweet Charity, because the number of times he suggests that Chris’ outfit makes his model look like a hooker from 1957 Paris is a little over the top. He clearly suffers from that same pride-of-reference thing that George Bush has. For the record, Chris’s model actually likes her outfit, and is clearly offended by Michael Kors calling her a hooker.
Bla bla bla. Even though Kevin’s outfit was stunning, the judges name Harry Potter the winner, clearly because they want to see if his head will explode. After all, he’s been so obnoxious about what hot shit he is even though he’s nearly been eliminated at least twice (in four episodes), the anthropological curiosity about what he might do having actually won a challenge is overwhelming. And the previews for next week leave little doubt that it’s going to be good for us, the viewers.
After a no-contest moment of drama in which we are made to think that they might actually send Bjork Lady home even though she has so much more silliness to offer, Steven gets the auf wiedersehen and over enunciates his way through a farewell speech and makes some sort of weird comment about seeing where life will take him.
And so, dear readers, we’ll see you on the runway. Make it work!
P.S. Shin, I really don’t think you’re in a skin bar in Tijuana. Although if you are, we want details!
P.P.S. I think that Will may have given me the best description of Christian/Harry Potter ever: that dude who looks like he had a muskrat shot out of a cannon onto the side of his head. From now on, whenever he appears on screen, think “THHHHHHHHWUMP!” 
Make it Work
Thursday, September 14th, 2006
I was bored by last night’s installment of Project Runway. I haven’t listened to this week’s Tim’s Take, so he might lend some insight into what was, otherwise, a fairly uninteresting episode.
Nick Verreos (from Season 2) basically sums it all up on his blog for People online.
This week, Heidi’s attempt at being mysterious (via script) was explained: every week she’s been
The two returnees are Vincent and Angela, which means that there’s no suspense because we all know that the only reason either of them won is because they signed some sort of pact with Satan. (Well, Vincent must have – Angela won by team effort, which Laura has no problem reminding her as often as possible.)
The challenge is to design a black and white cocktail dress. The episode is so-bloody-predictable:
- Is Jeffrey pissed that Angela is back, and does he take every opportunity to talk about her behind her back? check.
- Does Vincent go on at length about how great he is and how he’s so much better than everyone else? check.
- Does Jeffrey do the exact same thing, even though the dress he designs look like it should be worn by a prostitute who thinks she’s being classy when she just looks like a lower-middle-range hooker? check.
- Does Laura have her promised emotional breakdown? check. Though significantly less interesting than it seemed in the promos. Mad Mommy’s self-confidence was shaken to its core by her near loss in the previous challenge – as it should have been – but probably also influenced just a wee bit by the raging hormones in her system from whatever alien mutant baby is growing in her rapidly expanding belly (she’s only three months pregnant? I-don’t-think-so….)
- Do Vincent and Angela go out as fast as they came back into our lives, having designed the two ugliest dresses on the runway? check.
- Does Kayne design something completely over the top that lands him toward the bottom? check. And this time, it costs him the competition, and he gets Auf’ed.
And that’s about it for Project Runway. We’re down to the final four, and the only real question is who’s going home next week: Laura, who designs for matronly women? Or Uli, who designs for rich hippies who live in Miami?
Stay tuned …
Au revoir, Corky
Thursday, September 7th, 2006Thursday morning, which means it’s time for the weekly wrap-up of last night’s Project Runway. It’s like Desperate Housewives, only without the hunky gardener and with bitchy people instead. (Is anyone else alarmed that there’s only one gay guy left? In a fashion competition? What is the world coming to?)
We pick up this week where we left off last week, in the sweltering work room of Parsons Paris. Not even the Project Runway producers are sadistic enough to make their contestants begin working on a new project moments after stepping off of an all-night transatlantic flight. Instead, we get to follow them to their little hotel rooms and around Paris. Oh, look, le Tour Eiffel. Montmartre. The Louvre. Jaques Cousteau. Bla bla bla.
There’s a hysterical story on Tim’s Take about Vincent the vegan who decided to have lamb for dinner (!).
Guest judge Catherine Malandrino is back, and apparently the producers decided that it would be better to subtitle her awful English rather than just let her speak French and subtitle that instead (she seems to know about three dozen words in English – her use of the word “interesting” is, well, interesting).
This week’s challenge is to have our designers create faux couture dress (because they’re not licensed by the French government, it can’t be real couture, which also means that they’re allowed to use sewing machines).
Off they all trudge to the fashion store where they get to spend €300, which is about $375, but in Paris is probably worth about 75 cents because it’s so bloody expensive there. The bitching starts quickly: Kayne is designing yet another over-the-top pageant dress, Uli’s got a nightgown in the works, Michael doesn’t seem to know what the hell he’s doing, and Jeffrey is convinced that his dress is true couture because he’s doing more hand sewing than everyone else (or so he says), which naturally gets Laura in a tizzy because every time Jeffrey opens his mouth Laura gets in a tizzy. It’s her raison d’etre (since we’re having a French moment).
From the get-go, it’s clear that this episode is all about Corky Vincent, though. At the fashion store, he picks a fabric that everyone else has already walked past and identified as hideous. He doesn’t seem to have a grasp on couture, except for the fact that it apparently “gets him off.” In fact, he uses the phrase “gets me off” an unnatural number of times during this episode. I don’t want to know what gets him off. I don’t want to think about him as a sexual being at all. And I certainly don’t need to know that what gets him off is fashion, for God’s sake.
The venue for the initial showing is a barge on the Seine where Catherine throws a party for everyone (no other guests – what the hell kind of a party is that?) and interviews everyone about their couture. Two things immediately stand out: she hates Vincent’s dress on sight. And Vincent clearly wants to hump her leg like a chihuhua.
We go back to New York (brief flash of a Delta jet), and it’s back to the runway at Parson’s New York, where Michael, Nina, and guest judge Richard Tyler (who designed the flight attendant uniforms for you-know-who) are less diplomatic than Catherine had been in Paris, probably because there was no longer a language barrier involved.
For once, I was in pretty good agreement with the judges: Jeffrey won. Uli came in second (wasn’t thrilled, but at least it wasn’t a busy print). Kayne and Michael skated through – they’ve done better, but they’ve both done worse. Laura, for once, got called out because her dress looks exactly like every other dress she’s ever done, and it’s not that interesting. Her model looks like it belongs on an old lady. Corky Vincent gets sent home, as should have been the case a long time. Between him and Angela, I can’t believe either of them lasted that long.
Next week, Laura seems to have a meltdown — she’s my vote for the next to go home. She’s done the same thing every week, and it’s getting harder to hide. She’s also the only one left who’s never won a challenge.
But you can bet there’s going to be a lot of drama involved …
Don’t let la porte hit you in your rosette-covered derriér on the way out …
Thursday, August 31st, 2006This week’s episode of Project Runway had less drama than last week’s, but was infinitely more satisfying because the always clueless Angela got sent packing – literally! The poor thing had to fly home from Paris barely hours after she got there, with the best send-off ever: Angela, you are just from another world…
By the way, if you’re not listening to Tim’s Take, you’re missing out. Tim Gunn’s weekly podcast contains his insights, and he’s saying all of the stuff that you can tell he really wants to say on the air but can’t.
Anywho. The challenge this week is to design for a “hip international jet-setter.” Heidi – whose boobs are falling out of her tunic – sends everyone off to the workroom to meet Tim, who tells the designers that they are their own models this week.
The fun thing about this challenge is that you finally get to see who all of the designers think they really are. Michael is P. Diddy (who didn’t see that coming?), Laura is Jackie Onassis (hopefully, Robert was watching to get some pointers), Jeffrey is an anorexically thin Keith Richards, and Uli is in a patchwork dress that makes her look like a hippie flower child. On the other hand: Vincent looks like he went shopping at Old Navy for a jogging outfit, Angela (left) looks like a bag lady, and Kayne looks like Gay Fat Elvis (and we got the close-up of his man-boobies way too often … ).
The “twist” to this episode (other than the ones in the waist band of Laura’s dress – and dear God, what is growing in her womb? Considering these episodes are shot back-to-back, her pregnancy is showing at an alarmingly fast pace …. ) is that the outfits are designed for jet-setters, so we need to see how well they travel. And that is going to be determined by obnoxious product placement from Delta Airlines.
On the runway, Heidi (and guest judges Michael Kors, Nina Garcia, and some pretty-but-dense dude from Calvin Klein) tells everyone that there’s a plane ticket in their apartments and they have an hour to get ready to travel – in the clothing that they designed for themselves. Kinda makes you hope they got all the inseams right (can you say “chafing”?).
So off they tromp back to their Atlas Manhattan Apartments to discover a plane ticket (sans destination) from Delta Airlines, and the speculating begins about Where They’re Going. Someone must have handed them all a copy of the Delta route map, because their guesses are mysteriously all destinations that Delta serves … why would anyone in high fashion talk about going to Moscow, Budapest, or Istanbul otherwise? I’d go off about how obnoxious that sort of product placement is, but I only have an hour to get through the Tressemé Hair Salon and the L’Óreal Paris makeup room and choose what I need from the Macy’s Accessory Wall.
And off they fly to Paris. Tim Gunn’s take on this is priceless – it seems that the shots of the group on the plane were actually staged in a mock-up of the new cabin design that Delta is rolling out this fall, along with the new flight attendant outfits, menus, and entertainment options. Gee, who saw that one coming? ‘Cuz that didn’t look a thing like the ratty old 767 Ray and I flew on to Rome in June.
To make a long story even longer, the gang arrives in Paris and goes straight to Parson’s design school in the 15th Arrondissement. They’re met by new guest judge Catherine Malandrino (whom I’ve never heard of, but I never claimed to be a fashionista). Catherine gets to judge how the outfits held up after hours of travelling. She makes them all strut for her, and delivers the verdict: Kayne may look like a fake pop star, but Angela gets the au revoir. Tim reveals in his podcast that she didn’t have to fly straight home – she at least got to spent the night in gay Paree, probably buying more fabric for those stupid rosettes …
Next week on Project Runway: more drama. Duh.
