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About Ramblings of a Hopeless Khowaga

Welcome to my Web site. My name is Chris, and I’ll be your host. I live in Austin, Texas, with my partner, Ray, and our child dog, Mocha. You can read more about me, learn 100 random things about me, and if you’re wondering what the heck a khowaga is, click here. Feel free to browse, read, and leave comments!

Tag: ‘studies’



Den eneste bøsse i landsbyen

Monday, December 14th, 2009

I got my first hit from Greenland today!  (We’ve discussed my inner stats whore earlier, so never mind that creepy bit.)

See, there it is on Mint:

stats1

What on earth brought my Greenlandic visitor to my site?  Well, I click on the little icon and I discover that what’s on the minds of today’s Greenlanders is:

stats2

A la Dr. Evil: Riiiiiight.

I get my first hit from Greenland, and it’s someone looking for gay porn.  Fabulous.

Well, then I got to thinking.  Like most of the rest of the world, what I know about Greenland is as follows: it’s not as big as it looks on maps, being the main victim of distortion put about by the Mercator projection.  It’s ruled by Denmark, as I have known from the fifth grade when we had to research it as a class project after several of us more literate types questioned our teacher when she said it was an independent country while the map in our social studies book clearly labeled it as a possession of Denmark.

Oh, and there’s some sort of asteroid on the west coast that could power the universe if only extraterrestrial worms weren’t eating peoples’ brains.  I got that last by reading Smilla’s Sense of Snow (the book being far, far better than the movie which now airs regularly on Lifetime as part of their court ordered Julia Ormond quota).  I also recall something about Greenland having low humidity (“I’ve been colder in Denmark than I ever have in Greenland”), a high rate of both alcoholism and suicide (has something to do with the long hours of night in the winter–as I recall Smilla’s brother had committed suicide), and Greenlanders being rather resentful of their forced inclusion into the Greater Danish Sphere (Smilla herself being a prime example).

And since I’m sure that author Peter Høeg is an expert on Greenland, this must all be correct…

Nuuk_night

So, I pulled it up on the Interwebz, and I discovered that Nuuk (formerly Godthåb) is one of the smallest capital cities in the world by population–right around 18,000, which comprises one quarter of Greenland’s entire population.

Which leads me to the following thought: no wonder my Greenlandic visitor was seeking out gay porn on the Internet.  The most accessible gay bar is in Copenhagen–six hours away by plane (among my other random knowledge is that it is far, far easier to fly from Greenland to Denmark than to either Canada or the U.S., even though they’re closer).  Can you imagine what it must be like trying to find a date on a Friday night?

One can imagine the drama that would ensue in the small dating pool: everyone knows everyone else’s business, that’s for sure.  Plus, it’s that part of the year when there are a scant few hours of daylight.  Who wouldn’t want to hang around the house and surf the Interwebz?

Nuuk_snow

Sure offers a new lens to the concept of being the only gay in the village, don’t it?  (BTW, the title of the post is “the only gay in the village” rendered into Danish by Google translate, and I’d be happy to change it if a real Dane happens by and wants to correct it … )

*photos by Peter Løvstrøm.  Used under a Creative Commons Attribution license.

Boo.

Tuesday, October 27th, 2009

It’s almost Halloween.

Unlike some people I know, I’m not a huge Halloweeny type person.  I haven’t carved a pumpkin since the incident a few years ago when I managed to irritate the crap out of my eyes (and my eye doctor just wanted to know where I’d found a pumpkin, since they were in short supply that year). Also, I don’t have enough room to store Halloween stuff in the house – we can barely fit our eco-friendly Christmas tree.

Plus, this year they’re having a big conference (of teachers — who thought this was a good idea?) this weekend, so I’ll be driving home from Dallas on Halloween evening.  One presumes I shouldn’t have difficulty, since there should be no trick-or-treaters out on the Interstate … one presumes.

I was thinking about this yesterday because a professor from the East European Studies program that I’ve known for years has a dabbling side interest in vampires that’s taken off.  He’s been on those vampire specials on The “History” Channel.  He was brought in as a consultant on “30 Days of Night,” and got to attend the premiere and he was this close! to Josh Hartnett.

He did a reading of vampire stories yesterday, and one of our staff members went to hear him read.  “He’s so neat,” she said.

I was bemoaning the fact that we don’t have vampires in the Middle East.  It’s not because, scientifically, we have more sunlight there (in fact, given that it’s closer to the equator, the hours of day and night are more evenly distributed than they are in the northen latitudes).  They just don’t go as well with sand dunes and … well, frankly, there could be several wandering old Cairo or Damascus and no one would know.

Also — can I just take a moment here to say that if the entire cast of Twilight were to fall into a bottomless pit, it would not bother me in the slightest?  Seriously–am I the only person in the world who thinks that the lead guy is bland and boring?  He’s too thin, and has no muscles, and … yes, what’s really bothering me is that this wasn’t considered “hot” when I still matched that general description.  Wolf dude, on the other hand … isn’t legal.

And the hoardes of fans … fuggetaboutit.

We need to come up with the next great supernatural genre series, stat.  Look at J.K. Rowling — she started off writing on the back of a paper sack and now she’s donating her pocket change to pay off the British national debt.

I was discussing this with my boss yesterday, and he said that whenever he teaches his intro to Islam class, he has to spend ridiculous amounts of time trying to persuade his students that djinn, as mentioned in the Qur’an, and not “genies,” and that even “genies” have nothing to do with Disney’s Aladdin or Barbara Eden.

They might, however, make for an interesting plot device.  [Strokes chin.]  Might have to explore that …

Anyway.  It’s a brisk Tuesday in October — finally.  Hope yours is well :)

Summer’s End

Wednesday, August 26th, 2009

Summer officially ends today here on this esteemed campus of higher learning.  Never mind that today will likely be the 66th consecutive day of 100+ degree temperatures, and that we’re still in a massive drought.  Summer’s over when classes start.

Most years, it seems that I always have something to say about the massive influx of students.  There is something disarming about the arrival of 40,000 students on campus all at once (and believe you me, they all showed up over the weekend).  Our summer school numbers are pretty low here, something I’ve never quite understood since it’s an easy way to relieve that crowding over the rest of the year, but what do I know?

The Bible pushers weren’t out yet this morning when I came in.  You may recall them from a post several years ago in which I lamented my inability to throw out holy scripture that I didn’t want.  I’m sure I’ll see them this afternoon, unless their precious saved souls can’t quite deal with the heat.  That’d be funny.

When I got to my department this morning, I was surprised to find new fliers up everywhere.

We have this professor–I won’t name him because he actually googles himself on a daily basis (and given his narcissism, there’s at least three or four entendres at work in that statement)–who has declared himself the only expert in the bizarre dialect of a language that he teaches.  He’s declared his office the World Headquarters of studies in this particular language.

So, this morning, there are fliers up all over the place.  He’s running some bizarre contest, and god alone knows what the prize will be.  A copy of his most recent biography, I suppose.  (Seriously: he publishes these random books consisting of his journals through one of those “publish it yourself” vanity presses, like we all need to know what his opinion of the canapes at a restaurant that no longer exists is … )

I saw another professor on my way out yesterday.  We joke around the office that he taught Hebrew to Moses — seriously, the guy is almost 90 and still teaching.  I’ve thought to myself that I suppose that I’d like to be that active at his age.  (The other running joke is that he’s still teaching because he’s afraid that if he retires he’ll discover that, after all these years, he really doesn’t like his wife.)  We have come in on Monday mornings and noticed on the switchboard phone that the receiver in his office is off the hook and wondered to ourselves if he failed to hang up properly again, or if this is going to be the time that we key into his office and find him still in there …

He’s also massively grumpy at times, when it comes to things like only four students registered for his class and it’s going to be cancelled due to low enrollment.  This was yesterday’s drama, and he was complaining about it to everyone.  The problem there is that the person he needed to complain to wasn’t in the office, so the rest of it had to hear about it at some length.  He doesn’t talk very loudly or quickly, you see.

The kicker to all of the pre-semester faculty drama is that I had a meeting yesterday that included the faculty member who sent a particularly nasty message at the end of my trip to Cairo.  She was very nice and sweet and pretended like nothing ever happened.  I suppose that’s one way to deal with it, but … for god’s sake, if you’re going to be that bitchy, own it!  Don’t brush it under the rug.  Seriously, does no one understand the finer points of bitchcraft?

At any rate.  I need to go see how we’re doing on the office pool: the first day of classes we always have a pool to guess what time the first panicked student will arrive freaking out because he/she couldn’t get into the class he/she wanted.  Never mind that registration is over and that we’ve been here all summer long — there’s always a handful of them.  I picked 8:45.

I hope your summer is ending smoothly :)

On Physical Activity and Other Inconveniences

Saturday, May 30th, 2009

After a lengthy absence therefrom, I have finally returned to the land of the work out.  You may applaud accordingly.

Physical fitness is one of those things that I know I should be more interested in than I actually am.  After all, who wouldn’t want to lick from head to toe look like young Marco Dapper here:

The problem I have with actually attaining this goal personally is that I happen to find spending time in large cavernous rooms that smell like old sweat in order to pick up heavy objects and put them down repeatedly one of the most stultifyingly dull activities imaginable.  It’s down there with doing my taxes (sorry, Matt).

I know that I have the “wrong attitude.”  Some of my gym rat friends have told me this repeatedly.  “Think of it as ‘you time,’” one has told me often.  “You’re taking time for yourself and not for anyone else.”  While this may be true, time I take for myself is more pleasurably spent doing many things other than putting myself in extreme physical discomfort so that afterwards I can shower in an open room with a bunch of extremely overweight unattractive men while trying not to let on that my arms are so sore that I can barely raise them high enough to wash my hair.

Yes, as you can see, I very much embody the wrong attitude.  I’ve tried the “workout partner” thing, too.  That lasted as long as it took for me to want to throw one of the heavy objects at said workout partner.  In addition to his numerous other psychological problems, the gent in question was one of those who, if I somehow managed to perform with more weight than he could, would stand back, analyze my form using those years of experience in physical training that he gained working on his doctorate in film studies, and declare, “I think you’re doing that wrong.”

For many years, I forced myself to the gym a few times a week, but I always run up against the same problem: I belong to the gym at work.  I carpool.  My carpool ride doesn’t go to the gym herself.  I also recognize that I am an early morning workout kind of person – if I leave it until later in the day, I will come up with every excuse imaginable not to go.

A couple of years ago, Ray acquired a WiiFit.  I was intrigued by the concept of the WiiFit.  It’s a workout that you can do at home!  Right?

Well, the WiiFit has a couple of problems, most of which are incorporated in the fact that you get to pick and choose your exercises.  There’s very little guidance, which means that if you happen to not like doing a particular activity, you can just not do it.

joyoftech1129

The WiiFit also has the slightest of attitude problems.  When I started to lag behind, I recognized perfectly well that one of the reasons that I was avoiding it had to do with not wanting to sit through the scolding it was likely to give me when I came back.

So, last week, Ray announced that he wanted to get the newest home work out program for the Wii – EA Active, it’s called.

And here’s what I’m going to say about it: it’s kicking my ass.  And I kind of like it.  It makes up for the shortcomings of WiiFit — there’s a personal trainer (“30 day challenge”) that makes you do exercises that you don’t want to (I fucking HATE lunges).  It also rotates them so that you’re not doing the same thing every day — this was something I never quite managed myself with WiiFit.  Best of all, I can do it in the morning before I leave for work — I have to get up a little earlier, but I feel like I’m actually accomplishing something besides doing yoga poses in my underwear.

While it incorporates the Wii Balance Board (what she’s standing on in the cartoon), it’s a little weird about it.  WiiFit used the balance board to take your weight and calculate body mass – EA Action wants you to input your weight manually.  For the past few days, I was convinced that the settings had slipped somehow because I wasn’t using the balance board at all, but today it was back.  And I kind of wished it weren’t.

Probably the biggest annoyance is that I’ve had to hold poses for a really long time before realizing that the problem is that I’m holding the Wii Remote and Nunchuk incorrectly, so the machine isn’t registering that I’ve done the set.  I’m not sure whether that’s an annoyance with me or with the system.

But at any rate, I’m through my first full week of the 30 day challenge, and it’s actually bringing me back.  That’s new.  And different.  And I kind of like it :)

Readin’, Ritin’ and Revivin’

Tuesday, May 5th, 2009

There are some times that I am less OK living in Texas than others.  The passage of the state’s second Defense of Marriage Act was one of them.  I fear we’re coming up on another, and I feel like I should be able to do something about it, but I don’t know what.

It’s come to the attention of just about everyone that the State Board of Education has been taken over by a bunch of radical loonies.  These are the sorts of conservatives who make conservatives uncomfortable, and somehow they managed to take over the body that’s charged with revising and implementing educational standards at the K-12 level.  (Thank Bob it’s only K-12.)

This would be the same board chaired by a dentist (!) from College Station who came under fire shortly before the board’s final vote on revised science standards for endorsing a book that referred to supporters of evolution as “monsters,” “atheists,” and “morons.” I want to make it clear that the board currently leans in the direction that believes that if you ain’t their kind of Christian, you’re not a Christian at all.  (The fact that this is exactly the kind of logic that Osama bin Laden and his ilk use is the kind of irony that isn’t lost on me, but would be shot down as “totally different” were it brought to their attention.)

Earlier this year, a call went out for people to review the social studies standards.  As an historian who works with K-12 educators a lot in my line of work, I put my name in.  I didn’t get selected, and it didn’t take long enough to realize why.  I didn’t know that the SBOE member who represents my district had sent out an e-mail claiming that Obama was a terrorist sympathizer, and that an attack by said terrorists would take place in the first six months of his administration, followed by the implementation of martial law.  (Perhaps we should secede just in case?)

Clearly my passioned e-mail describing my committment to global competencies was a bad idea.

I know several people who did get appointed to the committees (two of them went with me to Egypt in 2005).  One of them, a University professor at a rival institution, was appointed to the economics review committee and managed to cause a horrific furor when he had the audacity to suggest that the term “free enterprise system” be replaced with “capitalism” in the standards.  “Capitalism,” after all, is what it’s called in every college textbook, and he thought that it would be appropriate for K-12 students to use the same terminology that they would use in college.  Why call the same thing two different names?

To say that this was received very badly would be an understatement.  As I was told later, when one of the SBOE members saw this proposed change, she stood up and screamed, “What kind of anti-American sonofabitch did this?  You should be ashamed!  I swear, whoever you are, if you were one of my appointments, you can consider yourself fired!”  (note: committee members are unpaid – it’s all volunteer work.)

My other friend wrote me to say that, while her committee was congenial, others were concerned that “too much attention” was being paid to the rest of the world at the expense of “our” history. Another friend told of how someone was appointed to her review committee–which was to oversee one of the years of world studies–whose sole purpose was to state over and over that he had moral objections to students studying other cultures.

For the record, Texas schoolchildren have two years of American history (grades 8 and 11), one year of government (grade 12), one full year of Texas history (grade 7), world cultures (6), world history (10), and world geography (9).  More than one board member has stated the desire to replace either the 9th or 10th grade course with a third year of American history, apparently being unaware that the 12th grade government course is entirely American history content.

It gets better.

After the first round of review committee meetings, the board cancelled the second round, apparently afraid that further anti-Americanism might ensue, so they’ve decided to appont an “expert panel” to guide the revision process.

First up?  David Barton and the Reverend Peter Marshall.

In his books and teachings, [David Barton] argues that separation of church and state is a myth and that America’s laws should be based solely on Biblical scriptures. His numerous claims include that the Bible forbids income and capitol gains Taxes. Barton’s views are so far right that even such groups as the Texas Baptists Committee and the Baptist Joint Committee have been vocal critics of his interpretations of history and the U.S. Constitution.

Even better: “Marshall has previously suggested that the California wildfires and Hurricane Katrina were divine punishments on society for the tolerance of homosexuality.”

TODAY comes the news that they’re considering LYNNE CHENEY for the expert panel.

Cheney is well-known for crusading against national history and social studies standards in the 1990s, calling the standards–which the National Endowment for the Humanities helped fund while Cheney was its chair–”grim and gloomy.” Cheney also denounced the standards as a monument to political correctness, claimed they gave insufficient attention to Confederate General Robert E. Lee and the Wright brothers and focusing far too much on figures like Harriet Tubman, and worried that they concentrated too much on embarrassing episodes in the nation’s history, such as the Ku Klux Klan and McCarthyism.

Outraged?  You should be.  The science standards revision made us uncomfortable by flirting with intelligent design–this will make us look like fools.  The next revision won’t happen for another decade, by which point our students will be the laughingstock of the country.

I still can’t tell what can be done about this twisted version of Evangelicals Gone Wild!  I’ve got half a dozen pleas in my inbox to help find real experts to testify before the SBOE, but it’s obvious they don’t care what people like us think.  If you live in Texas, write your state legislator–seriously.  The Lege is already moving to restrict the power of the SBOE after the science and English debacles.

I know that there’s probably very little that I can do about this … but I’ll feel better when it’s all over knowing I did what I could.

 

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