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About Ramblings of a Hopeless Khowaga

Welcome to my Web site. My name is Chris, and I’ll be your host. I\'m an opinionated, snarky, gay academic with a predilection for the history, the Arab world, languages, photography, food, and music. I live in Austin, Texas. You can read more about me, learn 100 random things about me, and if you’re wondering what the heck a khowaga is, click here. Feel free to browse, read, and leave comments!

Tag: ‘stuff’



It’s not paranoia if the universe really is conspiring against you.

Friday, October 23rd, 2009

It all began with the shortribs.

A few days ago, I was cruising through the grocery store and saw beef shortribs on sale, and I was reminded of a recipe for curried short ribs that I’d seen in a recent issue of Cooking Light, the only cooking magazine that I actually subscribe to.  In addition to liking spicy food, I remembered the recipe because it involved a crock pot, and I also enjoy the concept of having dinner waiting when I get home.

I bought some of the shortribs and, Wednesday night, I diligently went through the steps to get them ready so that when Ray left the next morning, all he’d need to do is take the crock pot insert out of the fridge and push “start.”

I remembered thinking when I put everything together that it didn’t seem like there was that much liquid in the basin, but … well, the people that do these things have to know what they’re talking about, right? After all, one of the final steps in the process involved creating a serving sauce out of the cooking liquid.  I assumed/hoped that the remaining liquid was supposed to come out of the meat itself and took that leap of faith.

This was my first mistake.

I came home yesterday hoping to smell the pleasant odor of succulent shortribs that had been slow cooking all day.  Instead, I smelled charred meat.  I casually went through the motions of taking off my jacket, putting my phone on to charge, and emptying out my backpack before venturing over to the crockpot — after all, if the meat really was charred, another minute wasn’t going to make a difference after six hours in the crockpot, now, was it?

I was half right: the sauce had congealed and was now a black, crusty, burned mess all over the base of the crock pot.  The meat, however, past a crunchy outer shell was still pretty tender and moist.  This isn’t to say that I didn’t have a moment where I considered tossing the whole thing out and texting Ray to pick up something from Taco Bueno on the way home from class.

However, I perservered, shredding the beef and cobbling together a red curry and vegetable sauce to go with it.  Fortunately, Ray actually enjoys cremated beef, and I’m not enough of a connoisseur to know the difference (I’ve only recently, tentatively, re-introduced dead cow into my diet after years of avoiding it).

The crock pot, by the by, is still soaking in the sink — I haven’t managed to get all of the black stuff off yet.

So I came into work this morning and realized that my desk was beyond messy and that it was finally time for me to do something about it.  While in the midst of clearing off paperwork dating to the late Neolithic period from my desk, I heard a thunk behind me.  I turned around to discover that my bookcase, which I wasn’t working with … or touching … had chosen that exact moment to collapse downward: the textbook-laden top shelf had given way downward, thus causing the shelf below to collapse onto the shelf below it, and so on.  Given that the whole thing looked like it was about to pitch forward, I immediately turned my attention to that situation immediately, discovering after repeated trial and error that the force of the downward pressure was pushing the sides of the bookcase out, meaning that the shelves weren’t reaching their mounts.

At one point, there were papers strewn all over the desk and chair, books on the floor and loveseat, and me looking like I wanted to cry in the middle.  When I vented about this to Ray later, he asked, “Did you take a photo?  Sounds like good blog material.”

Which it was, but let me assure you, dear readers, that the presence of mind I would have needed to think of that at the time was far, far away.

When I finally managed to get it all cleaned up–and I did manage to get it all cleaned up, I sat down at my desk, whereupon the speakers that I have mounted to the underside of the hutch that runs over my computer speakers promptly fell off with a loud clatter.

And so, speakers remounted, bookcase put back together, desk now clean and presentable, I am doing the only thing that I can think to do next: whine about it to as many people as possible.

Don’tcha feel lucky?

Ramadan Kareem

Thursday, August 27th, 2009

So, I’m sitting at my desk eating lunch.  My office door is closed, and there’s a knock.  I thought I heard the voice of the other Chris in the office, so I opened it, figuring he was either coming to share gossip or ask me for something.

I open the door in mid-chew.

Instead of Chris, I found Yetkin, the guy who organized the trip to Turkey over the summer.

I cover my mouth, and mumble through food, “Hi!  How are you?”

And then I remember that it’s Ramadan.  Yetkin can’t eat or drink during the day.  And here I am stuffing my face right in front of him.

“Um,” say I, trying to chew really fast, and pulling the door closed behind me so that the food smell won’t waft out.  “Sorry … ”

It’s not the first time this week that Ramadan has reared up.  On Monday I stood in front of someone with a mug of coffee for a full ten minutes before it dawned on me.  For caffeine addicts, Ramadan’s just gotta suck.

Then there’s the friend from grad school who was stocking up on Count Chocula.  “Suhuur’s [the last chance for food before sunrise] just not suhuur without Count Chocula,” he posted on Facebook the other day.  [I should add that he's 35.]
“Yes,” I commented.  “I believe that the Prophet himself said that somewhere.”

After all, what are religious convictions for if you can’t poke fun at them?

Which is what makes this kinda funny:

YouTube Preview Image

Ramadan Kareem, y’all!

12 of 12: August 2009

Thursday, August 13th, 2009

So, I’m a day late and a dollar short for 12 of 12.  Yes, it’s the 13th.  Shoot me ;)

Unlike last month when I posted my 12 from Egypt, this time … I was taking a day off from work.  I got home late the night before from Abilene, and I was due, dagnabbit.

8:41 am: French Press

August-1

I’ve recently discovered the magic of the french press and the full bodied nutty coffedy goodness that it can provide when you have the time to wait for it…

9:17 am: Doggie break.

August-2

My parents went to New York for a long weekend, and we agreed to sit their dog, formally known as Brandy.  However, because she startles really easily, we call her Boo.

9:37 am: Editing Photos

August-3

Editing some shots I took on my business trip to west Texas.  This one is from San Angelo.  It’s completely false advertising, by the way: they sell no men in the man’s shop.

10:01 am: Reading

August-4

I do not relax well.  However, I decided to try my hand by reading for a good chunk of the morning.

11:31 am: Furmination Time

August-5

If you are the owner of a short-haired dog who sheds all over creation, and you have not discovered the wonders of the Furminator, you are totally missing out.

11:31: You Can’t See Me

August-6

Brandy-Boo is small enough that she can try to hide behind blades of grass.  And the hair that’s always in her eyes.  No wonder she thinks we can’t see her–she can’t see us through that mop!

12:04 pm: Lunch

August-7

Trying to keep healthy.  Ray has lost 20 pounds in two months.  So have I.  The difference is that he’s lost 20 pounds, and I’ve lost 10 pounds twice.  It’s all the traveling.  Honest.

3:17 pm: The Kudzu Covered Walls of Higher Ed

August-8

I had a potluck to attend last night–a reunion for the trip to Turkey last month–and I needed to run to the store for stuff.  On the way, I stopped by the Round Rock Higher Education Center, because three of my photos are on display there.

3:20 pm: My first show!

August-9

It’s a photo exhibition of “places and spaces that matter” in Round Rock.  3 of the 20 photos are mine.  My first show!  *sniff*  I’m so proud.  This is one I took in the slave section of the old cemetery a while back.

4:39 pm: Making Simple Syrup

August-10

I’m bringing baklava for the potluck.  Real baklava does not have honey in it, dammit.  It’s simple syrup.

5:49 pm: The finished product.

August-11

Yes, you may have my recipe.  It’s right here.

6:51 pm: Rain Clouds

August-12

They got an inch of rain in Austin.  In Round Rock, we got … about ten drops.  Bah.

The reunion ran long, so I didn’t get to post this last night.  Honest.  I’ll get a doctor’s note!

And how was YOUR twelfth?

Cuh-Cuh-Cuh-Clusterfuck

Tuesday, August 4th, 2009

Note: names have been changed to protect those in need of protecting from my foot up their ass.

Howdy, y’all!

I’m currently in a hotel room right underneath the flight pattern from the active takeoff runway at Houston Intercontinental Airport (Continental’s 777 bound for London went over a little while back — boy, was she noisy!).

Today was not a good day.  In fact, today was the sort of day that the term “clusterfuck” was invented to describe.  I’m over it now, but first … first I’m going to blog about it :twisted:

(more…)

So You’re Back, Then?

Sunday, July 26th, 2009

It’s been over a week since my last blog post.  This probably makes me a Bad Blogger, but whatevs.

It’s also been a little over a week since I flew back from the Middle East.  I had a slow weekend that involved going few places and seeing no one, and then it was time to go to work on Monday.  Needless to say, as I mentioned in my last post, returning to work was not something that I was actively looking forward to.

My office was a mess.  I had been running a workshop right up until I left and had left a couple of piles of things in my office to deal with when I got back.  Normally, when I go on vacation, I try to leave the house or my office in as good a shape as possible, so that when I come back I don’t have exactly the kind of reaction that I had when I walked into my office on Monday: “Oh, fuck.”

My office is still a mess.  There’s still workplace drama.  It’s like the never ending cycle of birth, death, rebirth, and the occasional Bollywood epic describing it.

What my being out of the way has meant, however, is that I haven’t been able to touch base on what one friend called Celebrity Death Fest 2009.  (Yeah, it’s kind of a tasteless term … but it does have its merits.)

All over the Middle East, the one thing everyone wanted to talk about was Michael Jackson … but not for the reason that I thought.  In addition to the obvious question (“What do you think about Michael Jackson dying?”  Seriously, folks, what answer is there to that question??) came this stumper: “Was Michael Jackson Muslim?”

Before you give yourself whiplash trying to figure out where that question came from, lemme ‘splain: when Jermaine made the public announcement of MJ’s passing, he ended with a prayer to ‘almighty Allah.’  Jermaine is Muslim.  Michael … I never heard nothing about.

However, since the Muslim world loves a good conspiracy theory bar none (they include themselves–most of the theories involved local politicians I’ve never heard of, and some of them weren’t about which ones had slept with Sylvio Berlusconi), this was immediately taken as a Sign that the entire Jackson family was Muslim and that the Islam-hating Western media had covered it up.

Clearly they’ve never seen Janet.  Or maybe they ought to, I dunno–depends on whether you think Islam is pro- or anti-feminist … and whether you think Janet is pro- or anti-feminist.  She’d certainly present a different face of Muslim women than a woman in a burqa, that’s for darned sure.

In one of my more sardonic moments, I responded to someone in the Istanbul bazaar, “Right now, the public face of your religion is Osama bin Laden.  Do you really think a gender neutral accused child molester is a step in the right direction?”  Fortunately for me, his English wasn’t good enough to understand most of what I said.  (It was kind of tasteless … even if there’s just the faintest hint of truth in there.)

As for what I think … well, the sad truth was that the likelihood was that his story wasn’t going to end well.  I feel sorry for the guy.  He was surrounded his entire life by people that wanted stuff from him, and he was always alone.

I never got asked what I thought about Farah Fawcett, Billy Mays, Karl Malden, or Ed McMahon.

Anyway.  It’s still hotter than blue blazes here in Texas (everyone in Turkey kept apologizing for the heat–I finally had to break out with, “It’s 44 at home!  It’s only 36 here!  We’re loving it!”), with no end in sight.  If anyone has sway with the Powers that Be, some rain would be great, mmkay?

And maybe some throat lozenges … I think my long-anticipated summer cold might finally be materializing.

 

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