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About Ramblings of a Hopeless Khowaga

Welcome to my Web site. My name is Chris, and I’ll be your host. I live in Austin, Texas, with my partner, Ray, and our child dog, Mocha. You can read more about me, learn 100 random things about me, and if you’re wondering what the heck a khowaga is, click here. Feel free to browse, read, and leave comments!

Tag: ‘wine’



Vignettes

Sunday, July 19th, 2009

I’m back home in Austin.  I flew home on Friday, a long day that involved a lot of nodding off in odd places.  I had to leave for the airport at 1 am, so there wasn’t any actual sleep (I tried to nap a little in my hotel room, but I kept jerking awake out of fear that I’d oversleep).

As usual, the Cairo Airport luggage cart mafia got the last word: As I was standing in line to go through security (in many international gateways, you have to go through X-ray with your luggage before you get to check-in), I was asked which airline I was flying.

“Turkish,” I said.
“This line is for Olympic,” he said.  (For the record: this is BS.  The ticket lobby is wide open once you go through security — there is no “this line is for this airline, and that line is for that airline.”)  I knew where this was going, but before I could stop him, he’d grabbed my luggage and started walking at an extremely fast pace across the terminal to the next checkpoint over.
“You give me money now,” he said.”  He wound up with 1 Egyptian pound and 1 US dollar — the last cash I had on me.

I may have mentioned this before, but it’s worth saying again: I hate Cairo Airport.  It’s a pit of snakes.

Fortunately, there were better moments on this trip.

Al-Azhar at Night

One evening, I suggested to a friend who hadn’t seen much of the city besides the campus where he was studying and the apartment where he lived that we visit the old city in the evening.  The snakes who run the Khan al-Khalili bazaar tend to be a little less venomous toward the end of the day.  Shortly out of the cab, I wandered over to the newly restored area between the Wikala and Madrassa of Sultan al-Ghori, which I hadn’t seen since the restoration was complete.  While looking at the new roof over the area, a man wandered over to us and struck up a conversation.  His English wasn’t the best, so the conversation took place primarily in Arabic.

It turned out that he was working on the restoration project, and after a few moments, he offered to show us around.  I’m normally leery of offers like this as they tend to end with a bill being produced, but he seemed pretty genuine and kept insisting that he wasn’t doing it for baksheesh.

For the next two hours, we wandered the back streets south of al-Azhar mosque.  Granted, he showed us a lot of craft workshops that made things neither of us were interested in buying, but it didn’t seem to bother him.

The only point where money entered into the conversation was when we went down to Bab Zuwayla, the southern gate to old Cairo that dates from 970 AD.  The mosque of Shaykh Moizz li-din Allah adjoins the bab, and for a little bribing, you can get the caretaker to let you up on the roof.

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As we were up on top of the mosque, with its view of the old city and the cliffs of Muqattam that border Cairo to the east, the muezzins began making the call to prayer (the azan).  From our vantage point, you could hear muzzein after muezzin chanting from the city’s four thousand mosques, the sounds echoing off of each other and weaving into a great chant that is, to me, one of the most quintessential sounds of Egypt: prayer, street activity, and traffic.  How Cairo.

As we descended, he asked us to make a donation to the mosque, which we were happy to do.  After that, it was back to the main street where he’d met us, with a handshake and a good bye.  I gave him a little Austin lapel pin that I had left over from the trip to Turkey, and with that we were on our way.

The next day, I returned to the old city on my own to wander all over creation and shoot some photos.  I came on my own deliberately, as I know my interest in architecture and little alleyways is not shared by many … OK, most … of my friends.  I’ve learned that it’s better to just come on my own.

There was a slightly ugly incident near Bab al-Nasir, one of the two northern gates of the city.  As I was passing a small food stall, the guy working the fry station practically threw a piece of ta’amiyya (Egyptian felafel — it’s made with fava beans instead of chick peas) at me.  The next thing I knew, I was being bodily pulled into the restaurant, made to sit at a table, and plates of food that I didn’t want were placed in front of me.  I just wasn’t hungry, and I wasn’t entirely comfortable, as I imagined that this exchange was going to end with an outrageous bill being presented.  I wasn’t wrong.

The conversation started off nicely enough, with the usual, “Where are you from?  What’s your name?” questions, and a bit of bizarre cross cultural communication took place when it was revealed that I apparently have the same first name as The Undertaker from WCW(?).  There was a moment of admiration of the bandana that I carry as a sweat rag.  This is nothing new, and I’ve learned to carry spares.  These were given out -  I had enough for all the guys in the stand, but then things got ugly.

“I’ve got a kid,” said one of the guys.  “What do you have for him?”
“Um … ” I looked in my camera bag.  To my shock, he actually reached in and pulled something out, and I smacked his hand, and snarled at him.  The phrase Leh keddah literally means “What’s this?” but said the right way it connotes “WTF, dude?”  I eventually parted with a hotel pen that I’d picked up somewhere in my travels, and then decided it was time to make my exit.  I was presented with a bill for 30 pounds ($6 – which is probably a 500% inflation over what a local would have paid) and then everyone started asking for a tip.  Fortunately, by this time, I was far enough outside the restaurant that they couldn’t block my way, so I pretended I couldn’t understand and walked away.

I was irritated by this experience, and kept trying to calm myself down by reminding myself that I hadn’t spent that much, when a woman wearing a niqab (the face veil with a slit for the eyes) came up to me, motioning with her hands.  She was a beggar.

The guys at the restaurant had taken all of my small bills, and I just didn’t have anything.  I did, however, have a bag of leftover ta’amiya and french fries.  “I don’t have any money,” I said.  “Would you like food?”

She looked at me, puzzled.  “You speak Arabic?”  (This was an odd comment, considering that I’d spoken to her in Arabic, but I’m used to it.  There’s something about looking the way I do and speaking Arabic that just causes brains to short circuit all over Egypt).
“Yeah.”
This was followed by the usual questions about where I was from, etc., and I gave her the food and headed off.  At which point she asked me if I wanted to take her photo — a bit of a startling question from a woman in a face veil!

I headed down through the Khan al-Khalili as quickly as possible and crossed the bridge to the relative safety of the other side.  My plan was to walk down through Bab Zuwayla and then down through the Khan of the tentmakers and through the neighborhood beyond.

This is an area that’s not frequented by foreigners, but if my presence caused any consternation, it didn’t show.  A couple of boys asked me to take their photo.

Boys

I’m ashamed that I don’t remember their names.

The only incident happened further down the street.  I stopped to snap a photo of a mosque, and the guy working at a street cart selling pots and pans, asked me, “What are you taking a photo of?  I don’t want any photos of me!”
“I took a photo of the mosque,” I said.
“The mosque?” he asked.  I showed him on the LCD panel on my camera, and suddenly the scowl was replaced with a big smile and a thumbs up.

And that was it.  So much for the seething anti-Americanism on the Arab street.

Even that night, when my friend and I came back to see the Sufis and visit the newly lit up monuments north of the Khan al-Khalili, it was a mixture of ignorance and cheerful questions.  And the monuments do look incredible at night.

Shari'a Moizz at Night.

And so.  When I got to Cairo, I remembered thinking, “How am I going to fill up this time?”  By the time it was over, it seemed like it went so quickly.

Which is not to say that I wasn’t ready to come home.  Probably the ugliest moment on the entire trip occurred the morning before I left, in the form of an e-mail from work.  Someone on the organizing committee of a conference I’m working on sent a message that was so ugly that it actually brought tears to my eyes.  By the time I saw the message, several others had weighed in, and there was a message from my boss asking me not to respond to it because, “I’ve already told her in no uncertain terms that this message is completely unacceptable.”   Even so, it put me in an absolutely foul mood, and my brain has been wandering back to it ever since (12 hour flights are great for stewing).  It was a nasty reminder of things waiting for me when I go back to work tomorrow.

And so.  I have vague memories of the plane taking off from Cairo at 3:30 am on Friday, and equally vague memories of the plane landing in Istanbul.  I found a bench to sleep for part of the 6 hour layover in Istanbul and conked out again for a good chunk of the flight from Istanbul to Chicago.  (The two bottles of wine served with lunch might have helped).

And now, I’m home where it’s hotter than it was in Egypt!  But I’m happy to be back with Ray and Mocha and not spending a lot of money all the time — Egypt has gotten significantly more expensive over the past couple of years.  The economic recession has not been kind there.

All the same … well, I’m not planning my next trip back yet, but it’s always in the back of my mind.  That’s just kind of the way I am.

The Road to Turkey

Tuesday, June 30th, 2009

Waitin’ at the airport in Austin…

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It’s cloudy over Chicago today.

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This is the only pyramid I plan to visit.

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O’Hare at sunset…

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A little Turkish white wine.  (It wasn’t bad, actually).

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On the ground at Istanbul Airport.

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Waiting for luggage (it took forever).

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Just in time for evening rush hour.

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Dinner time!

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Time for bed.  And an early flight down the coast to Izmir — we’ll be back in Istanbul at the end of the week.

Garbage Analytics

Tuesday, May 19th, 2009

I’m barely awake this morning – we went to see Star Trek at the IMAX last night, and, even though all I did was sit on my butt and still get to bed right around my normal time, I’m still kind of tired.  I must be getting old.  Or it had something to do with the two martinis at Clay Pit before the show.

This morning, as I was puttering around the kitchen (forgot to set the coffeemaker last night, dammit), I remembered–for once!–that it’s garbage day, so I began gathering up garbage bags and the varying detritus from Ray’s birthday party on Saturday night and hauled it all out to the curb.  And then I stood back and realized that our neighbors must think that we’re total alcoholics.

It doesn’t help that the sturdiest boxes one can pick out of the bin at Costco are the ones that are used to ship wine or beer.  And this morning, the trash cans were full of discarded six packs and right on top was a box that had once held 12 bottles of Glenlivet.  (For the record, while I don’t know what was transported to our house in this box, I can assure you that the Glenlivet never made it to the party.  I’d make a point of remembering.)

On the other hand, the neighbors on either side never talk to us, so it’s not like I care that much.

What did get brought to our party was a variety of beer, wine, tequila (cheap, cheap tequila.  Whoever brought it needs to sit down with me and have a discussion about the merits of not buying handles of “blanco.”), and one extremely confused (and drunk) twentysomething gayboy.

The gay boy was brought in the company of an acquaintence who had had a bit much to drink at a wedding earlier in the day and picked him up.  The problem here, as you will readily see, is that said acquaintence is female.  And this boy was the kind of gay you can see from outer space.  Margaret Cho would have described him as “fanning the flames of his faggotry.”

So, what does a twentysomething gay boy do when he gets picked up at a wedding by a woman who brings him to a party where he doesn’t know a single person?  Well, in this case, he borrows her makeup before he arrives, and then spends half of the evening whining to everyone who will listen that no one loves him (because the hunky groomsman he was staring at all afternoon pretended like he didn’t exist), and the other half of the evening asking everyone if they have a joint.

Let’s face it.  We were all twentysomething once and confused about the best way to deal with (and express) our sexuality.  While I wouldn’t choose to do so the way this young man did, good for him for having the guts to do it, and in Texas to boot.

On the other hand, it was a birthday party to which all of the guests had been invited because they knew us and we wanted them to be there to celebrate Ray’s birthday.  I wasn’t particularly happy that our acquaintance just decided to bring along someone that she’d known for all of four hours (and that he then proceeded to ask everyone if they had a joint).  It wasn’t that kind of party.

I will admit to having emitted a sigh of relief when the female acquaintance sobered up enough to realize that she needed to get rid of him.  Now.  And then made that happen.

Sunday was spent recovering and asking the post-party question that I always ask: why do we do this?  We spent parts of Thursday night, Friday night, and Saturday cleaning the house so that our guests wouldn’t think we were slobs, and then spent Saturday … OK, technically very early Sunday morning … and the other part of Sunday re-cleaning the house up after everyone. It’s sort of like when you clean before your family comes to visit and they managed to undo all the cleaning within the first 10 minutes of their arrival.  All you can think is, “Why did I bother?”

On top of it, Mocha apparently was unhappy that we weren’t paying enough attention to her and acted out all weekend.  Between trying to dig a new hole in the backyard (which, it turned out, was to access a baby bird hiding under the AC pad … which I later found decapitated elsewhere in the yard), tracking mud all over the house, eating food right off the counter — including a bag of rolls that she took out back in the middle of the night and devoured — and just generally being a bad dog, she’s … well, she’s in the dog house.  (I hate cheesy puns when they come so naturally!)

Anyway.  Saturday brought a cold front through.  Even though it was still damp for the party, I’m loving the weather – we’re in the 50s at night (low 10s C) and in the mid-80s during the day (high 20s C).  If it could just stay like this for a while … that’d be perfect.

Get on that, will ya?  ;)

Captain Trips

Friday, May 1st, 2009

It’s official.  I’m over the swine flu thing.

I don’t mean that I contracted the illness and recovered.  I mean that I’m over the non-stop media frenzy over the disease in which not a single one of the media outlets is actually reporting what anyone with half a brain can tell: NO ONE KNOWS WHAT’S ACTUALLY GOING ON.

Cue, for example, the jumble of headlines I saw this morning on my way into the office.  The New York Times was reporting that the virus appears to be slowing down.  USA Today, however, screamed that the World Health Organization was moving the pandemic level up another number.  “It’s a 5!  It’s almost a 6!  That’s the highest number there is!  They might have to invent a 7 just for this disease!”

Several of the more sensible (cue finger quotes) outlets are beginning to run the story that the hysteria about swine flu might just be far worse than the disease itself.

I had a real wall-banger moment the other day when I saw that Israeli politician Yakov Litzman suggested that the name “swine flu” was inappropriate because of the swine=not kosher connection (a couple of the more politically correct news orgs ran headlines, “Is the name ‘swine flu’ offensive to Jews and Muslims?”), and suggested instead that the flu be named the “Mexican flu.”  Because it’s apparently better to offend Mexicans than Jews or Muslims.

(For the record, the Jews and Muslims that I work with were all rolling their eyes over that one.  “It’s not like you’re impure if you catch the disease just because it’s named for a pig!”)

Even better is this little ditty from Qatar Airways:

Qatar Airways requires that all operating crew wear masks on flights from the United States – namely daily services from New York, Washington DC and Houston.

The airline has taken additional mandatory measures for all 1,100 flight deck and 3,400 cabin crew to be vaccinated against influenza to limit the risk of contamination to passengers and staff. The flu vaccine is a protective measure and only protects against a certain strain of flu, not swine flu, which is at the centre of the current health concerns.

Passengers on Qatar Airways’ flights originating from the US to Doha are being issued with masks upon boarding and advised to wear them inflight. In addition, all Qatar Airways’ customer contact staff in the United States and at Doha International Airport are required to wear masks.

Seriously.  How about giving all of the passengers little bottles of Purell and towlettes to wipe themselves down with, given the number of surfaces on your standard airliner that test positive for fecal bacteria?

None of this is to belittle the illness itself–the cousin of a friend of mine was among the first fatalities in Mexico City, and the family has been quarantined by the Ministry of Health.  There are people out there dying from it.  If as much attention were being paid to the treatment of the disease as to, say, semantincs and hokey “preventative measures,” the pandemic could be nearly over.

It’s like the entire world is waiting for The Stand to happen in real life.  (Which leads me to another riff: Considering that he’s pretty much the epitome of pop culture, Stephen King is really bad at inventing pop culture in his own novels.  In The Stand, for example, the popular name given to the strand of the superflu that wipes out humanity is “Captain Trips” — oh, no!  The Captain and Tenille are killing everyone! — and one of the main characters has a top 40 hit called “Baby, Can You Dig Your Man?”  Yes, the book was originally written in the 70s, but I have a hard time imagining that any of this was culturally relevant even then.)

Another friend announced that she was retiring to her bedroom with a bottle of wine and planned to watch all 8 hours of the miniseries in order to dodge the flu.  I don’t know if it’ll work as a preventative, but it will answer the question, “Whatever happened to Corin Nemec?”

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Chronicles of a Surgery

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

Yesterday, Wednesday, I had an outpatient procedure performed on my lower digestive tract.  I won’t go into the specifics of what was done, except to say that there are lovely, lovely painkillers that my surgeon gave me that numb me to the point where I don’t care about the pain anymore (note that this is not quite the same as getting rid of the pain altogether).

The Day Before

If you’ve ever had any sort of endoscopy or other procedure performed in the local what us Puritanical types tend to refer to as “Down There,” you’re aware that there are certain steps that you’re supposed to take to prepare yourself for your doctor’s intrusion.  And so, I stopped by my local Apothecary on the way home from work on Tuesday evening to purchase the necessary supplies for this.

I know I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: I don’t understand why stores that brand themselves as “pharmacies” crowd their aisles with supplies that are not even remotely pharmaceutical in nature.  The branch of the chain that I went into, one known by its initials, had a sale on soda and wine.  That’s right, wine.  At the pharmacy.  “It’s good for what ails ya!”

I wandered around back toward the back, wondering where said pharmaceutical chain kept what I was looking for (oh, why be coy: I needed a two pack of enemas).  I eventually found them … next to the foot cream.  If there’s a logic there, I don’t know what it is.  I’m not an experienced enough enema buyer to know that there are different types of enemas, and I spent longer than I really wanted to going back and forth between this brand and that brand, and finally deciding to save a whole 21 cents on the store brand rather than the name brand.

One of the reasons why I don’t care for pharmacies in this day and age is that when purchasing an item of a deeply personal nature, such as the two pack that I carried with me, is that I don’t always feel as though the transaction will be handled with the necessary decorum and tact that I might like.  And so, when I found myself behind the woman purchasing cigarettes, the young man purchasing a bag of chips and a soda, the elderly gentleman who made the cashier perform a price check on a DVD copy of “Old Yeller,” and then proceeded to argue with the cashier about whether or not it was on sale before ultimately deciding that he didn’t want it, and the guy in front of me buying milk, I was kind of glad that no one got in line behind me.  Yes, I know people have to purchase enemas somewhere, and the amount of shelf space devoted to them suggests that a significant number of people are buying them, but when you’re the only one in a long line at the pharmacy purchasing any sort of pharmaceutical item, I’m just putting out there that it’s not necessarily the first item you’d want to be buying.

Yes, I do embarrass easily.  Why do you ask?

My purchases placed in a translucent bag through which the name of the item was clearly visible, I got in the car and went home.  The rest of the prep for the following morning–no eating, drinking, smoking, or swearing after midnight–was significantly easier to accomplish.

The Day Of

Over the days leading up, my surgery had been bumped up twice.  I was originally scheduled for 12:30.  Then it was moved up to 10:30, and, in early afternoon on Tuesday, I was called one last time by the pre-admitting nurse to let me know that there’d been a cancellation and I was now on the docket for 9:45 in the morning.  Normally, someone with my blood sugar levels (I’m hypoglycemic) would leap for joy at knowing that I’d be able to put food in my stomach hours earlier than scheduled.  However, the nurse informed me that I’d need to be checked in by 8:15 in the morning.

Austin traffic being what it is, I’d have preferred the 10:30 slot.  There’s a reason that I’m in the office by 7:30 every morning.  If I leave the house much later than when I leave currently (6:45), traffic slows down considerably, and it becomes vastly unpredictable.  Hence, Ray and I dragged ourselves out of bed at 6:30 so that we could get in the car by 7:15, in the hopes of making it the 20 miles to central Austin by 8:15.  We weren’t far off the mark: by the time we got parked and up to the intake office, it was right around 8:05.

It was me and a bunch of old ladies in the waiting room, and they all glared at me when I was called down first.  They set us up in a room barely large enough to accommodate the bed/stretcher that I crawled into, and Ray had his choice of two utterly uncomfortable chairs to sit in.  They gave me one of those oh-so-fashionable robes that open in the back, footie socks, a “bouffant cap” (the box was right across the hall, so I could verify that this was the official name), and a set of gauze pants that, I was instructed, I could wear “if I wanted.”

Thus set up in my little day surgery room, a string of visitors came through.  First was admitting nurse number one, who went over all of the paperwork that I’d already gone over with someone else.  Then came nurse nurse, who put the IV in.  Now, I’m not the biggest fan of needles that go in my arm in the first place.  The problem I had with this particular episode … well, there were two.  First off, the IV didn’t go in my arm, it went in the back of my hand.  Second, she decided to try to ease the process by numbing the spot first, and … well, I’m actually better off without that step.  It tends to make me woozy and lightheaded, and, sure enough, I got woozy and lightheaded.  “Oh, my,” she said, “Does the sight of blood bother you?”

“No,” I mumbled … because there was no blood to see, but why bring that up?

The next visitor was the anesthesiologist.  She asked me … for the third time that morning … whether I had any jewelry on, and I cut to the chase: “No, no piercings, no tattoos.”

“You know,” she said, “I realized I can’t say that anymore.  I had breast reconstruction?  And you know, they tattoo on the areola when they do the reconstruction.  It looks really good, but now I have to answer yes whenever I have to fill out these forms.”

I have to tell you, that’s not necessarily the sort of information I’d offer to someone that I just met for the first time.

At some point after this, I realized that I had to go to the bathroom, which involved summoning a nurse to unhook the IV and walk it into the bathroom across the hall with me.

And then, it was time to get wheeled down the hall.  I left Ray with his laptop (“Hey, I can’t get the wireless to work,” he said.  “I guess now I don’t have to feel guilty about watching the DVD I brought.”) and a good-luck kiss, and off we went.

I know why the nurses are supposed to engage you in conversation as you head into surgery, but … I didn’t particularly want to have the “So, what do you do for a living?” conversation at that particular moment.  I don’t have a job that lends itself to explanation in a sound bite.

And into the Operating Room we went.  And, to my surprise, there were a lot of people in there.

“Wow,” I said.  “I’ve got an audience.”

“Uh huh,” she said.  “The procedure they’re doing on you is still pretty new, and so there are some other doctors observing, and those two guys are from the company that makes the machine they’re using, and those are the nurses who work with the observing doctors, and … ”

There were at least seven people in the room, none of whom were my surgeon or the anesthesiologist I’d met earlier (the one with the tattooed areolas).  The anesthesiologist’s assistant came over, introduced himself, and said, “I’m going to give you some drugs that will kind of mellow you out and make you not care.”

“Bring it on!” I said.  There was some general milling about the room, but … well, everyone was watching me.  And, so, as the drugs kicked in, I nodded at the doctors standing nearest me and said, “Gee, I hope you all enjoy your guided tour of my rectum!”  There was a bit of laughter …

… and then I was in the recovery room with no pants on.

By the time they put me in the wheelchair to be wheeled out to Ray’s truck, it was nearly 1 PM.  We stopped for lunch on the way home, and then, saddled with the shopping list that I’d been given at discharge, stopped once again at the pharmacy for painkillers and other supplies.

And now … well, I’m propped up in front of the TV with a recurring diet of painkillers and anti-inflammatory drugs, and bemoaning the fact that there’s nothing good on television during the day.

But still, it’s the best excuse not to work from home I’m likely to get :)

 

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